Big Ten Roundtable Hates Your Team

Thanks to Lake the Posts for hosting last week and doing an excellent recap. This week the questions come from the guys at Black Heart Gold Pants, an excellent SBNation blog about the Iowa Hawkeyes.

You know what?  Screw your team.  I hate your team right now; I'm an Iowa fan, and I have anger in my heart.  Name your top conference rival, and assess their season to date.  If you haven't played them yet (and I don't think anyone has), how are you going to do when that fateful day comes?

This question implies that we have a top conference rival..which we don't. I guess technically Michigan State is supposed to be our rival, though it doesn't really feel like a rival. But since I'm sure nobody else will claim Sparty as a rival I'll talk about them.

They're doing much better than we are with a 4-1 record. Their lone loss was a nail biter to Wisconsin, but they have quality wins over two BCS teams in Pitt and Notre Dame. Mark Dantonio has that team looking pretty good. We keep expecting to see the inevitable Michigan State meltdown, but right now they are just playing consistently good football. They should beat Northwestern, Indiana, and Iowa and easily get seven wins and go to a bowl game.

Penn State plays them at the end of the year as always. Right now it's looking like an interesting game. Michigan State should have won last year, but John L. Smith put together a moronic game plan that had Brian Hoyer throw the ball 61 times. Dantonio prefers a more in-your-face style of offense that plays right into Penn State's defense. It's going to be a good game. I'm keeping an eye on Michigan State. One quality win and I'm officially worried.

If your season to date was an album (or CD, for all you young hippety-hoppers), what would it be and why?

My Way by Frank Sinatra.

Joe Paterno is a stubborn SOB and refuses to change his ways. Appalachian State and Oregon gave him the blueprint to beat Michigan. They spread them out and shredded the defense. But not Paterno. We're going to run it up the middle and ask our Quarterback to convert on third and 9 because that's Penn State football and we can win by out executing you.

Now our quarterback and running back are throwing games away. But the more the media and fans call for a change the more dead set he is to leave them in the game.

If you had three minutes alone in a locked room with any coach from your team and you could bring any item along (nothing sexual, tOSU fans), which coach would you choose, what would the item be, and how badly would you pummel Ken O'Keefe why would you choose that item?

I have to pick just one? I'd like to take the entire offensive coaching staff in a room for a bit. But instead I'll take our defensive coordinator Tom Bradley and a box of tissues. The poor guy has got to be tired of a decade of his defense holding opposing offenses to 14 points or less and losing the game. He must have nightmares of the 2004 Iowa game. His defense held the Hawkeyes to six points and they managed to record two safeties. All the offense had to do was muster up a field goal and they win the game. But Penn State lost 6-4. I don't know how he found the strength to come to work on Monday.

BONUS QUESTION

Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry.  In five days from now he's gonna marry.  He's hoping you can make it there if you can coz in the ceremony you'll be the best man.

Subquestion A:  Larry is obviously a loser.  He has so few friends, he has to ask his brother's best friend to be his best man.  What Big Ten team does he favor when not playing with Lord of the Rings figurines?

He's got to be a Hoosier fan. Football is just something to do until basketball season rolls around out there.

Subquestion B:  Five days from now is Saturday.  Your team is on the road.  Do you (A) stay home and watch the game; (B) road trip, or; (C) say "neato," check your libido, and roll to the church in your new tuxedo?

Oh man the age old question. Do I skip a wedding for football? I think we've all been in that spot at some time. The answer is always "it depends". Who are we playing? I'll skip the Temple game, but if it's Ohio State or Michigan, sorry bud. Let's say it's a big game. Since this is my brother's best friend, sorry dude, and I'll watch it on television. If this were your wife's sister you have to go to the wedding or else you find your stuff on the front porch when you get home. If this were a first cousin I would make the road trip so I had a valid excuse not to go.

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