The Hate Manual: Alabama Crimson Tide
by Run Up The Score on Nov 3, 2008 9:26 AM EST
in Football
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Hey, it worked last week. Your turn, Alabama.
Who are these douchebags?
Old enemies turned old friends turned old enemies, now led by a maniacal, backstabbing pissypants who thinks your tears and blood taste delicious. The Crimson Tide are 9-0, and their ascent in the polls has pretty much mirrored that of your Nitty Kitties:
Those are the coaches' poll rankings heading into last weekend's games -- you know where things stand now. Basically, the reason Alabama nudged in front of Penn State is because 'Bama pounded on a highly overrated Clemson team, which was ranked #9 to start the season. This is why polls shouldn't be published until mid-October.
My friends, that's some hate you can believe in.
If they stay undefeated, can Penn State catch them in the rankings?
Doubtful, and that may be charitable. The margin in the coaches' poll was smaller last week. With Texas Tech siphoning off votes from PSU, Penn State has fallen behind even further. Last week, Brad Edwards at ESPN.com said that the chance of undefeated PSU catching undefeated 'Bama in the BCS was nil:
Any questions about whether Penn State has a chance to jump over Alabama should be answered by this week's BCS standings. Even after the impressive road win over Ohio State, PSU is still trailing the Tide in both polls and five of the six computers. And Alabama has a couple of highly ranked opponents left on its schedule (assuming an SEC championship game), while Penn State has none.
So we're going to need a little help.
Okay, is that even possible?
Totally. Alabama has a few tricky games left, including the SEC Championship Game against either Georgia or Florida:
@ LSU Saturday 11/08
Mississippi State Saturday 11/15
Auburn Saturday 11/29
SEC Championship Saturday 12/6
Despite LSU's multiple problems, a trip to Death Valley is never easy. Mississippi State is relatively intriguing in the sense that they seem to pull off a weird upset every year, but don't hold your breath. Remember Minnesota at Penn State in 1999? The Bulldogs winning at Alabama would be a much more ridiculous upset. Like, orders of magnitude ridiculous.
Auburn? Until last week's loss at surging West Virginia, they'd lost three other close games. Oh, and they've won a game 3-2, which Chris Dufresne would have loved. Still, it's the Iron Bowl, and Auburn will have a puncher's chance with the "save our season with this game" motivational tactic. But let's not kid ourselves too much, Auburn truly sucks. Basically, our hopes come down to LSU on Saturday or Florida in the SEC Championship.
How does Penn State match up with them?
As flagged by PSU_99 in this Fanpost, Las Vegas Sports Consultants projected Penn State as a 2 1/2 point favorite against the Crimson Tide. Alabama's not going to scare you throwing the ball with John Parker Wilson at quarterback (despite his serial killerish name and dopey southern frat boy haircut).
The most popular statistic about Alabama is that they've only trailed for one minute and fifteen seconds all season long, which is convenient as they're not exactly built for playing from behind. In Alabama's first eight games, Wilson had thrown exactly 16 passes in the fourth quarters of those contests. He threw six in the fourth quarter against Arkansas State on Saturday. Weird. Still, they have three excellent running backs and a great defense.
Obviously, Alabama is a very good team, but they shouldn't frighten you too much. They're mudders. They win. Best performance to date was at Georgia, and let's face it, Georgia ain't lookin' so hot these days. For comparison purposes, is Georgia really better than Ohio State? Maybe. Who knows.
Seriously, the chance that Alabama will lose?
Decent. Given what they did at Georgia earlier in the season, Alabama will be a mild favorite to win at LSU. Figure it to be in the three-point range. The SEC Championship matchup against Florida is clearly our best hope.
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Correction
“Basically, our hopes come down to LSU on Saturday or Florida in the BCS Championship.”
you mean SEC Championship
Huh?
If there was a mistake, I think that either Mike or Kevin already corrected it for me.
by Run Up The Score on Nov 3, 2008 10:15 AM EST up reply actions
Thank you, kind sir.
I can’t read or edit early in the morning.
by Run Up The Score on Nov 3, 2008 11:53 AM EST up reply actions
Who are the five greatest teams of all time
BAMA….BAMA….BAMA….BAMA….and BAMA
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I don’t even know you, but I hate you. I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and only to you.
we need to get some BCS “hate” going…Bama will loose to both LSU and FL…but they should be in the title game b/c Bear coached them
Nick Saban....
looks like Malcolm X before he converted to Islam
hopes Maybin wipes his ass with some TP
by conquering lion in the 215 on Nov 3, 2008 10:38 AM EST reply actions
his suits look like Afghanistan....
bombed out and depleted
hopes Maybin wipes his ass with some TP
by conquering lion in the 215 on Nov 3, 2008 8:08 PM EST up reply actions
I am not sure who I would rather beat in the BCS championship game...
Bama or [Instert BigXII school here]. I think Bama would be the easiest victory, seeing as they are basically Ohio State, and our run D has been pretty solid. But I am taking so much crap at work about the BigXII being so “dominating” and their offenses being unstopable – that it would be very nice to silence these people.
I think the most likely scenario is TT dropping one game, Bama losing to Florida in the championship game, and us playing Florida in the NC.
If Florida
beats FSU and Bama, we better hope like hell that Tech loses but wins the tie-breaker on Texas for the Big XII title game…..
JoePa in '09
Follow this....
Tech needs to lose to the team that loses the game between OU and OSU……
JoePa in '09
I'm still scratching my head...
…we get knocked for our record and that “we played nobody.” TTU plays 2 FCS and barely beats Texas to shoot ahead of us. I know games are yet to be played but this reeks of 94.
"Red, it took me sixteen years to get here. You play me, and I'll give ya the best I got."
Who To Play?
I remain convinced we will play in the National Championship game. Who we are going to play I do not know. But what I do know is who I think we have the best shot against. And I agree with Simon PSU, I think our best shot is against Alabama. TT I’m not so sure about. I think we could be them but it’s a matter of our offense staying on the field enough to not allow them to score. The team that I absolutely do not wanna play is Florida. I think they are the one team that we will have a tough time playing, and when I think about it, the more and more I think we will play them. Bring on USC, Texas, TT, Bama but not Florida….what does everyone else think? I also would love to see a write up on Florida, a Hatorade article.
Alabama would be
a much tougher game than Texas Tech. Its been said a million times and for good reason: Penn State would hang 45 easy on Texas Tech, so do you really REALLY think Texas Tech would beat us 49-45?? Didn’t think so.
Let's just get there
I want PSU to get there by the easiest way possible. That means win our games and hope Alabama and Texas Tech lose. I’ll worry about who we play once we’re there. As long as we’re at #2 I’ll be scared of a one loss USC, Oklahoma, Texas, or Florida jumping us.
Mike
Black Shoe Diaries
I really feel bad for Iowa this Saturday
If we had finally gotten into the Top 2 in the BCS standings, we might have become relieved. But I’ve gotta think the latest version of unwarranted bias still has us angry. 50+ is not out of the realm of possibility this weekend, not to mention the extra fires that will be lit by the media if we play a close one to Iowa. I’ve gotta think we’ll play in such a way that the media can’t be fueled more than they already are.
Iowa
I say grind it out. Let’s just run run run and play this game in under two hours. Let each team have six possessions and we’ll win 14-10 and listen to the media tell us how bad we suck. It’ll make it all that much sweeter when we beat down their precious SEC or Big XII team in Miami.
Can y’all tell I’m starting to get pissed about this?
Mike
Black Shoe Diaries
I'm with ya
I was reprimanded earlier this morning by my boss (for being loud and angry when venting to my coworkers). I about lost my breakfast when reading the “From a Texas Fan” fanpost. From a distance, I’m sure it sounded like someone shot my dog over the weekend.
don't mean...
to burst your bubble, but if you do make it to the NC, you will be playing either Forida or Bama to become the third Big Televen team to get embarassed with everyone watching, by an SEC foe. You know it, and I know it, so hate away, for this is the most fun you are going to have because when it’s all said and done, everyone will know once again that the Big Ten sucks and wonder why they keep getting put in the National Championship Game. It’s really not that hard to win out in your conference, sorry, it’s just not. ROLL TIDE!
I already HATE Florida
having lived in Atlanta for 10 years, where the good ole Dawg fans just ooze hatred for them
Solid
Toothpastefordinner link, Its a great cartoon.
Also, I would love to play Alabama, it should only hype up our future series even more, thus helping us down the road.
"DOPEY...
southern frat-boy haircut"…“serial killerish name”….
You my friend are a TRUE HATE-AAAh!
(do you get an award…and did somebody mention a check?)
" We need MORE cowbell !"
I want the SEC!!!!!
The Big 12 is not as good as advertised, which will be revealed in the next couple of weeks. And get this . . . Mizzou will win the conference championship (you’ll see)!!!! I want the best team that the SEC has to offer (in my opinion Florida), and I want em on January 8th 2009!!! Its time to play some Pigskin and shut these turds up once and for all!!!
Tide Partisan Here...
Not that you should be expected to know this, but LSU is (probably) going to be starting Jarret “Interception Machine” Lee at QB due to Hatch being out with a leg injury. This moves a 2-3 point line for the tide to an 8-10 point line.
Lee is bad. The second stringer, Jefferson, is a freshman who has accumulated something on the order of a half-dozen snaps all year… if his first meaningful playing time is against a strong Saban defense, he probably won’t know what to do with himself.
Add to that the fact that this ’Bama team seems undeterred by hostile environments.
“This is why they play the games” and all that, but Mississippi State will probably pose as much of a threat as LSU will.
Thanks for the tip
In all seriousness, I’m hoping for PSU vs. Alabama for the crystal football. And I can’t wait to load up the car and drive to ’Bama in two years.
(Or three years, whatever it is.)
by Run Up The Score on Nov 3, 2008 2:40 PM EST up reply actions
I wouldn’t mind seeing a replay of The Goal Line Stand.
http://www.newlifeart.com/detail_pencil/Daniel_A__Moore/Alabama/Goal_Line_Stand/goal_line_stand.html
Seriously
Dude, they have these cool new things. They’re called, “PLANES”
Southwest flies into BIrmingham, I think. Represent!
by Tailgate Shogun on Nov 3, 2008 9:56 PM EST up reply actions
Southwest does indeed fly into Birmingham
And I’m hosting a tailgate on September 11, 2010. Y’all will have to send me a Black Shoe Diaries banner to put up at the tailgate!!!
For the glory
What are the odds of ALL of these things happening:
1) ‘Bama winning at LSU (I know, I know, but they’re still (somehow) ranked and the game’s at Death Valley)
2) TTU keeping the pedal down and coming up huge this week against a still-pretty-darn good OK State team
3) TTU then going to Norman and beating a pissed-off OU team
4) ’Bama not losing to Florida by 3 TDs in the SEC title game
I’m not even really worried about hating on ’Bama. If any ONE of those things happen, Penn State plays for the National Championship. All they have to do is take care of business.
Keep it simple.
Texas Tech or Alabama needs to lose. It’s as simple as that. I just can’t see a scenario where Florida can jump Penn State if they win out.
I mean, honestly. They lost to Ole Miss at home. Ole Miss is 5-4. I don’t care what the rest of Florida’s schedule looks like — THEY LOST TO AN AVERAGE TEAM IN THE SWAMP. Jesus.
by Run Up The Score on Nov 3, 2008 2:39 PM EST reply actions
Come on RUTS
You all are missing the most important part.
If TTU loses then Texas wins the Big XII with 1 loss
If Fla beats Bama then they win the Big XII with 1 loss
Both of their computer scores will beat ours, so even if we are #1, unless it is by a mile, which it will not be, we will still get BCS #3 and get passed over. I will put money on it, and I already bought MNC tixs!
JoePa in '09
I'd be impressed
… to see Florida win the Big 12.
You people worry too much. We’re #3 this week by an absolute hair’s breadth. Losses by the top teams – namely Alabama, Texas Tech – will only help Penn State.
by Bleed Blue 'n White on Nov 3, 2008 3:42 PM EST up reply actions
If TTU and Alabama both lose
We’re #1. I haven’t crunched the numbers, but I seriously doubt that the #1 ranked team can find itself out of the BCS Championship.
And look, it’ll be said more than once over the next few weeks, but if TTU and Alabama finish undefeated, they will have done so against a much harder schedule than Penn State’s. We’ll still bitch and moan, but it won’t really be justified. Blame it on whatever you want — my scapegoat will be the simple fact that the Big Ten sucks right now. Not our fault, but that’s how it is.
by Run Up The Score on Nov 3, 2008 3:58 PM EST up reply actions
I think we all need to relax
Like RUTS said, the events from this past weekend were exactly what we needed to happen. The team with the tougher schedule going forward knocked off the #1 team. We still need help, but we’re sitting pretty at #3 right now.
We’re getting hammered this week because we had a lackluster score against Ohio State followed by the bye week. The best thing we can do is go out and hang 45 points on Iowa this weekend so people remember we have a great offense to go with that nasty defense. And it would help if Ohio State gets a quality win (LOL) over Northwestern and Oregon State keeps winning.
But all in all I think things are going to work out for us. If Alabama and TT win out then they deserve a tip of the cap and we’ll have to go represent the Big Ten in the Rose Bowl.
Mike
Black Shoe Diaries
by BSD on Nov 3, 2008 4:29 PM EST up reply actions
Sigh
I still say you’re overrating Alabama’s strength if they win out. Georgia at this point is a #10-#15 team or so. Another loss kicks them into the #20s range, and they’ve still got Georgia Tech left on the schedule.
Florida already has a “doh!” loss, and still has Florida State coming up. If they lose there, they’ll be sitting right back with Ohio State, if not farther. Voters frequently forget a single loss. When that happens, a second loss usually makes them remember with a vengeance.
In that case, if Oregon State wins out (and then obviously is in the Top 25, being, y’know, Pac-10 champs), Penn State will have victories over a Top 10 team (Ohio State), a Top 15 team (Oregon State), and a top 20 team (Michigan State). That matches up the same, or better, than Alabama. Definitely better if LSU starts acting like the paper tiger that they are.
The SEC is not that great this year. If Texas Tech wins out, they’re a clear #1, but I still say that Penn State would have a decent shot at #2.
Oh, and scarily: Illinois has a shot for a quality win this week over (gasp) Western Michigan. No, I am not joking, and yes, that is a sign of the apocalypse. In probably the most hilarious result of the weekend, Indiana’s loss to Central Michigan really sucked. Believe it or not, they’re probably Georgia’s best or second-best win.
But yeah, OK, Georgia and Florida winning out save the Alabama game, and Alabama’s probably a solid #2. But I honestly don’t believe Georgia’s that good, and I think Florida could easily slip up against FSU looking forward to Alabama.
by Bleed Blue 'n White on Nov 3, 2008 7:10 PM EST up reply actions
How about
We focus on our need to win out, and let the other things take their course. Iowa is always a challenge, and last time I checked, Michigan State is a pretty dawg gone good team this year, better then the team that beat us last year. We are much better obviously, but I don’t beleive we can over look 1 of these games.
All I can say is Alabama sucks.....I mean, I really hope they suck!!!!
by Lovethosefreakinnittanylions on Nov 3, 2008 7:52 PM EST reply actions
Errrrrrr....sorry, I meant her ! Take that bama!!
by Lovethosefreakinnittanylions on Nov 3, 2008 7:54 PM EST up reply actions
OOOOOOH
NOT HOT NOT HOT NOT HOT
Mike
Black Shoe Diaries
by BSD on Nov 3, 2008 9:31 PM EST up reply actions
Yes but you beat Oregon State, which has had 2 Playmates of the Year. That's gotta count for something, right?
Thank God for Playboy
Oregon State: where play action defense and healthy QBs thrive
by The VD Special on Nov 4, 2008 7:36 AM EST up reply actions
I'm a professional Alabama hater!!
I’ve hated Alabama for 34 years, being 1) raised in Alabama, 2) brought up on Auburn football (laugh all you want), and 3) living in Alabama again. Seriously, the perfect football weekend is when Penn State wins, Auburn wins, and Alabama loses (of course, the Penn State game has to come first cause I can handle if the other two don’t happen and only spiral into depression if Penn State loses).
I still remember all of the words from a t-shirt called “The Bear’s Lament” when Auburn finally beat Alabama in 1982 and can spout most of the childhood insults still (e.g., “Roll Tide Roll, around the bowl and down the hole.”) Everyone thinks that Saban is the second coming of Bear (or Jesus, depending on the fan) and they all drive around with their stupid “S” The Coach stickers that are a knockoff of the “W” The President stickers. Give me a break!!!
I can’t stand it that Alabama is now number 1, although I sincerely wanted Texas to lose to Texas Tech. I have to put up with all of the obnoxious fans here asking me how I feel about Penn State getting jumped by Texas Tech. How the *$&# do you think I feel? Every Alabama fan that I know has said, “Wouldn’t it be great for Alabama and Penn State to play in the National Championship??!!” Yuck! I want them to lose and lose BIG this weekend, next weekend, and everyone in between now and the end of the season. Hey, a girl can dream.
I seriously think that Bama will lose to Florida in the SEC championship game. I’m not even counting on Auburn to show up since they haven’t shown up for a game all season (Although anything can happen in the Iron Bowl). I think that Texas Tech will lose to OSU or Oklahoma or maybe both. We just need to win out and let the other teams melt down.
To conclude my rant, Alabama sucks!!
Finally, who photoshopped that picture of me? I’ve never worn an Alabama hat! LOL!
For the glory
Alabama
I don’t understand why Alabama gets put #1 because they beat the Arkansas St. Chatavouks. TT should be 1, PSU 2, and Alabama 3 after that. I can’t stand Alabama, but I hate Florida a lot more. It goes back to the 90’s with Spurrier and that overrated QB Danny Wuerrfel, who didn’t deserve the Heisman in 96. Jake Plummer should have won it.
You need video evidence?
I don’t know if this makes people hate or feel bad for Alabama? (some profanity in there)
And people wonder why there are stereotypes of redneck hillbillies in the deep South? Because sometimes stereotypes are TRUE.
Although I do agree in his position on teams who get Kenny G to play at their Homecoming game. Not that I’ve ever seen a team who invited Kenny G to play, but I’m sure they’re out there.
by Tailgate Shogun on Nov 4, 2008 11:48 AM EST reply actions
is that guy a parody or satire of something?
He can’t really be like that, can he?
by The JuggerNitt on Nov 4, 2008 11:57 AM EST up reply actions
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