Location: secluded Office near Kinnick stadium, Iowa City
Knock at door
Ferentz, I want to have a word with you, as you can see I brought my son and secretary with me. We have come about the behavior of some of your fans and the website mob.
Dad, I just saw a giant eagle walking down the hall.
Ferentz, what are you doing on that god blang computer thing, is that pictures of that Illinois linebacker Lehman you have there.
Uh, well yeah, it seems some of our fans think he is great, so I was looking into recruiting him to spice up, I mean help our offense.
Well you are dumber than I thought, but that is not why I am here. I have heard that some of your fans have made fun of me, my good friend and fly fisherman Joe Tiller, and even my own son. But what really kills me are the pink lockers.
Um, well I can check into some of that, we here in Iowa...
Holy dog shit. Iowa? Only steers and queers come from Iowa. And you don't look much like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down. Now stand up because I am going to show you how I take care of kids like you back in PA.
Joe stands up
Ferentz stands up
Holy Jesus! What is that? WHAT IS THAT, FERENTZ? Why are your pants down around your ankles while you are sitting at your desk looking at pictures of J Lehman.
I, um, well...
That's it, Nancy call whoever we were supposed to play this weekend and cancel the game because I am bringing the team over here to teach this pansy and his team a lesson.
Sir, we are already scheduled to play Iowa this weekend.
Excellent, come on Jay let's get out of here. Let's give them a preview of things to come: WE ARE!
For the love of all things holy, it is Penn State, let's try again: WE ARE!
Dad, there goes that eagle again!
Oh christ, I am bringing McQueary next time.
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