Malicious Internet Interrogation with Black Heart Gold Pants

UPDATE: BHGP had some questions for us as well.

I think we've all been looking forward to this week if for nothing else than to see some good Penn State material up over on Black Heart Gold Pants. Just to stoke the fire a bit we threw our SBNation Big Ten bretheren some questions, and they didn't disappoint. May God have mercy on our souls.

BSD: Before we start, care to make any jokes about how old our coach is?

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Joe Pater

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MR. PATERNO WILL BE FINE THANK YOU

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Fine, Mr. Paterno is so old

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HOW OLD IS HE?

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He's so old he

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HE IS SO OLD HE CIRCUMCISED JESUS.                                                                                                                                                                           .

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Hur, hur, nice joke Mr. Paterno.

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SILENCE, YOU IRISH DEVILS. THE BRIS WAS QUITE THE ORDEAL.

BSD: Hope you feel better now that you got that out of your system.

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Sadly, I don't. I never like to mock the eld

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THE FATHER REFUSED TO PAY ON ACCOUNT OF A PATERNITY DISPUTE AND THE CHILD'S FORESKIN KEPT GROWING BACK INSTANTLY

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Mr. Paterno, really, we don’t need de

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I HAVE THUS COME TO HATE BETHLEHEM, PENNSYLVANIA.

BSD: For the amount of money Iowa is paying Kirk Ferentz, I can't imagine winning six games a year along with all the off the field problems is going over well with the administration and alumni. Do you get the sense that Ferentz is coaching to save his job these last three weeks?

I don't think there is a reasonable scenario (even 5-7) in which Ferentz is outright terminated. You have to realize, there is still significant support for Ferentz out there. There is a significant portion of the fanbase which gnashes its teeth at any mention of the absurdity of Ferentz's salary (over $3M before bonuses this season). There is still a group of people (generally those who host call-in shows or write newspaper columns) who treat him with a certain amount of reverence. Those people control enough of the levers of power in the Iowa Athletic Department, financial and otherwise, to effectively head off any out-and-out firing of the coach.

Where Ferentz could (and, if you ask me, almost certainly will) run into trouble is with his staff. There has been virtually no turnover in the coaching staff since he took over in 1999, and those coaches don't have anywhere near the institutional support Ferenz enjoys. In particular, offensive coordinator Ken O'Keefe and offensive line coach Reese Morgan take a lot of heat. With every poor offensive performance (and there have been quite a few over the past 2 1/2 years), the heat turns up on KOK. This week, there was actually a newspaper column about the offense's struggles with getting plays called on time, which of course is a problem NINE WEEKS INTO THE SEASON for even the best of teams. I firmly believe there could be an edict from upon high that O'Keefe has to go at the end of the year. Problem is, O'Keefe gave Ferentz his first coaching job as a prep school assistant 30 years ago, and Ferentz will not Will Not WILL NOT fire him. I honestly believe he would not fire either of his coordinators, even if his job was at stake. He might pay for public insubordination with his own job.

Aside from a couple of postgame rants, I've not been one to call for KF's head. His strict adherence to cloud-of-dust football is infuriating at times, and I still believe he should have known better than to get involved in last fall's assault investigation, but I would like him to stay if only because there probably isn't anyone better available.


BSD: Is there any reason why I should be concerned about Rick Stanzi throwing the ball?

Despite the aforementioned radio guys' best efforts, Stanzi is now the unquestioned starting quarterback. He has the best set of receivers Iowa's fielded since Chuck Long's heyday (though, to be fair, they've suffered two straight seasons of repeated nagging injuries). Despite that, he's thrown for over 200 yards exactly once. So, yes, if O'Keefe lets him take a few shots, and Stanzi can deliver the ball downfield without stepping on his shoelaces and chucking it into quadruple coverage, the passing game can be legitimate. We just haven't seen that yet, and given O'Keefe's love of the three-yard out route and Stanzi's uncanny ability to audible to the fumblerooski without notifying any of his teammates, it's not likely.


BSD: Ok, so I'll admit Shonn Greene is kind of good. But does he really deserve a minor league hockey promotional stunt all to himself? And isn't it kind of racist for the University to call a "Black Out" considering the color of his skin? Wouldn't an African American Out be more appropriate?

Penn State makes fun of the "Black Out"? Penn State, whose "OMG LET'S ALL WEAR THE SAME COLOR LOL" gimmick is so blatantly race-driven that Pennsylvania congressmen are calling the entire region racist? A gimmick so mind-numbingly retarded that it was co-opted by the Miami Heat? Do you really think it's fair to show your support for Devlin over Clark so publicly?

If you want to mock us, mock the fact that this is the third shirt-color-related promotional stunt of the season. It's the second Black Out. The Athletic Department actually said that the first Black Out was rained out, as if the precipitation bleached all our shirts.

Look, I was behind the whole Greene Out thing when I could profit from it. Now that I've been prohibited from selling shirts by University fiat, I have to admit it's a meh-at-best idea that has been completely bungled by the stupidity of the Athletic Department and this hastily-organized Black Out.

But, yeah, Shonn Greene is good.


BSD: You have a defense. Tell me about these poor souls that will carry the emotional scars of this game for the rest of their lives.

This defense is completely legitimate, especially against the run. The front four is the best Iowa's fielded since 2004. The senior tackles, King and Kroul, get the press, but it's been Adrian Clayborn on the end that has been the key so far. He's not there yet, but he should develop into the best pass rusher Iowa's had since Matt Roth. The linebackers are typical Iowa linebackers: Probably not as fast as your guys, but always around the ball and deceptively good in coverage.

The cornerbacks, which were a source of concern in the spring, are now the key to the entire defense. Bradley Fletcher transformed himself from a target of opposing quarterbacks last season into something close to a lock-down cover corner this year. Amari Spievey doesn't have the cover skills, but is the surest open-field tackler I've seen in quite some time. In Iowa's soft cover 2 system, that's more than enough to play corner.

The only weakness, week-in and week-out, is free safety Brett Greenwood, who is attacked mercilessly by smart coordinators and seems to be perpetually out of position against the deep ball down the sideline. Good thing Penn State's receivers suck...

 

...dude, we are so screwed.


BSD: What is the difference between a Lemon Party and a Leman Party?

Some might say it's in the number of dead foreigners vs. the number of dead Republicans. Some might say it's no hair on three men vs. enough hair to weave a blanket for all three. Some might say it's clothes optional vs. flagtie required.

But, really, it's all about freedom. J Leman might hate a lemon party, but he'll mow through a battalion of Chinese soldiers to protect your right to have it (not available in California, Georgia, Ohio, and South Dakota). God Bless J Leman. God Bless America.

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How can America lose either way?

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