Every quarterback gets injured for Penn State and Joe looks up into the stands and pulls a heralded former Penn State student out of the stands with eligibility left. The student puts together an epic final drive, utilizing the bubble screen to perfection and laying the ball exactly where it needs to be. With :02 left, the former student hits Zug with a beautiful fade route to end the game. Watching from the stands, Art Rooney decides the relief quarterback merits a first round draft pick and is selected with the 32nd overall pick of the 2010 draft. Following a horrendous injury to Big Ben in Week 3, the former PSU student takes the field and leads the Steelers to victory. His life now complete, the kid retires from the game to pursue his one true love, shilling for used car dealerships.

That student was me.

(written in the 4th grade)

Marches on the field and yells “In Soviet Michigan, Game Beat You!”

Both teams, brainwashed and confused, march off and join the Red Army.

Game Oover.

Hitler listens to Karl Donitz and builds all submarines instead of wasting his resources on a surface fleet, ignores his tranny Luftwaffe commander, and actually elicits a peace treaty from the Brits before attacking Russia, thus avoiding a war on two fronts. Regardless, military domination of western Europe still proves to be a stupid idea doomed to fail every time. Hitler is incapacitated by Parkinson’s disease early in 1946. Stalin sends his entire civilian population armed with butterknives against the Germans after Moscow is captured. The Americans and Brits land at Normandy in June 1946. Eisenhower talks Monty out of Operation Market Garden, and Monty returns the favor by convincing Eisenhower not to worry about the stupid reservoirs on the other side of the Hurtgen Forest. The allies are in Berlin by Christmas, 1946. Due to heavy losses against the Germans, Stalin doesn’t have the manpower to occupy all of Eastern Europe, so the Free City of Danzig (“THE free city of Danzig” to its fans occupants) remains free.

Otherwise, everything is pretty much the same until October 2005, when Pos overhears Lloyd Carr arguing for two more seconds. Pos punches his lights out, and PSU wins and goes on to beat Texas to win the MNC (Tamba Hali gives Vince Young some free headstand lessons along the way).

By October 2009, the B11 is the dominant conference in the FBS, Bowden has a contract to coach forever but only wins 2 games per season (against FCS teams), QB14 has won 4 Superbowls in only 2 seasons, and RRod has to explain why Michigan hasn’t beaten PSU in the past 1800 days.