PSU vs. UM: Hypothetical Saturday
by Artiefufkin10 on Oct 19, 2009 11:34 PM EDT
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PrintDisclaimer: I'm in a weird mood.
Given our "rich" history of playing UM and in the Big House, I wanted to exercise the creative part of my brain, by envisioning the most ridiculous, yet simultaneously plausible situations that could arise this Saturday...I'll give it a go...
PSU and UM are tied late in the game and quickly advancing down field for the go ahead TD. On 4th and game, Clark fires a bullet to Moye near the sideline for a clock stopping first down. However, its ruled that Moye's feet touched out of bounds even tough his feet were clearly in bounds. Paterno calls the typical "I want a review" time out and the officials take a look at the jumbo tron. What is shown is footage of Tony Johnson catching a pass from Mills near the sideline from the 2002 game....a play we all know was called the wrong way. Acting on precedent, the Michigan Alumni Association.....er... I mean the "referines"...ahem...the "paid officials" do not overturn the call.
Somehow, AJ Wallace strips the ball from a Tainted quarterback on the ensuing possession and takes it in for the game winning score just as the game clock strikes 0:00. In a fit of rage, Lloyd Carr abandons his post as towel boy in the men's room, runs to the sideline and demands that a 5th quarter be added to the game. We play on....
OK, now you try.
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We win
28-21. Forcier is benched. Michigan fans say they were better and only lost due to turnovers.
"[angry frown]" - Lloyd Carr
by ReadingRambler on Oct 19, 2009 11:42 PM EDT reply actions
Michigan dominates fair and square
And we acquiesce in defeat.
Then we wake up and realize it’s only Tuesday morning.
And the Penn State Michigan game hasn’t started yet.
The anticipation continues for another 4.5 days.
PSU wins 7-0
Every quarterback gets injured for Penn State and Joe looks up into the stands and pulls a heralded former Penn State student out of the stands with eligibility left. The student puts together an epic final drive, utilizing the bubble screen to perfection and laying the ball exactly where it needs to be. With :02 left, the former student hits Zug with a beautiful fade route to end the game. Watching from the stands, Art Rooney decides the relief quarterback merits a first round draft pick and is selected with the 32nd overall pick of the 2010 draft. Following a horrendous injury to Big Ben in Week 3, the former PSU student takes the field and leads the Steelers to victory. His life now complete, the kid retires from the game to pursue his one true love, shilling for used car dealerships.
That student was me.
(written in the 4th grade)
by Jeff Junstrom on Oct 20, 2009 8:38 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
I'm impressed...
especially predicting the whole “there will be a guy named zug playing” part way back then…
by Artiefufkin10 on Oct 20, 2009 9:48 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
you guys realize that PSUJunny just started 5th grade, right?
by The JuggerNitt on Oct 20, 2009 3:31 PM EDT up reply actions
I has good grades too!
Math – Plus
Science – Check
Gym – Plus
Art – Check-Minus
Library – Check
Music – Check-Minus
Social Studies – Check-Plus
by Jeff Junstrom on Oct 20, 2009 3:46 PM EDT up reply actions
Oh man
I miss all those check pluses I used to get in elementary school. Parent-teacher conferences always took about a 60 seconds for my parents since the teachers never had anything bad to say, and I was racking up those check-pluses like a tutored FSU football “student”-athlete.
Ahhh, those were the days, how I miss childhood…
Stalin
Marches on the field and yells “In Soviet Michigan, Game Beat You!”
Both teams, brainwashed and confused, march off and join the Red Army.
Game Oover.
"We are not normal, We are Legends. People will tell their kids about us." - Deon Butler before Ohio State Game 2008.
by Rogue Nine on Oct 20, 2009 2:17 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
So that's what Tate was listening to
Soyuz nerushimy respublik svobodnik
"[angry frown]" - Lloyd Carr
by ReadingRambler on Oct 20, 2009 3:07 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Revisionist prediction of future past history?
Hitler listens to Karl Donitz and builds all submarines instead of wasting his resources on a surface fleet, ignores his tranny Luftwaffe commander, and actually elicits a peace treaty from the Brits before attacking Russia, thus avoiding a war on two fronts. Regardless, military domination of western Europe still proves to be a stupid idea doomed to fail every time. Hitler is incapacitated by Parkinson’s disease early in 1946. Stalin sends his entire civilian population armed with butterknives against the Germans after Moscow is captured. The Americans and Brits land at Normandy in June 1946. Eisenhower talks Monty out of Operation Market Garden, and Monty returns the favor by convincing Eisenhower not to worry about the stupid reservoirs on the other side of the Hurtgen Forest. The allies are in Berlin by Christmas, 1946. Due to heavy losses against the Germans, Stalin doesn’t have the manpower to occupy all of Eastern Europe, so the Free City of Danzig (“THE free city of Danzig” to its fans occupants) remains free.
Otherwise, everything is pretty much the same until October 2005, when Pos overhears Lloyd Carr arguing for two more seconds. Pos punches his lights out, and PSU wins and goes on to beat Texas to win the MNC (Tamba Hali gives Vince Young some free headstand lessons along the way).
By October 2009, the B11 is the dominant conference in the FBS, Bowden has a contract to coach forever but only wins 2 games per season (against FCS teams), QB14 has won 4 Superbowls in only 2 seasons, and RRod has to explain why Michigan hasn’t beaten PSU in the past 1800 days.
Bacon is almost as great as being a Penn Stater
1941
The Germans weren’t fighting the Brits on the ground, and they hadn’t fully spent resources (alto they were starting) on the ground in the North Africa. Russia wouldn’t have lost Moscow, IMO.
"[angry frown]" - Lloyd Carr
by ReadingRambler on Oct 20, 2009 3:25 PM EDT up reply actions
Iowa would have totally beat Stalin, IMO
"[angry frown]" - Lloyd Carr
by ReadingRambler on Oct 20, 2009 10:42 PM EDT up reply actions
Dammit, this is a really late reply:
According to some interpretations, Hitler believed in 1941 that had already won the war in the west, and didn’t understand why Britain wouldn’t capitulate. He was still hoping the Brits would let him have continental Europe, in exchange for him letting them have the seas. So while they weren’t fighting them on the ground, he really wanted them to end hostilities and accept his NWO before taking on the Bear.
Bacon is almost as great as being a Penn Stater
by NittanyTide on Oct 22, 2009 12:22 PM EDT up reply actions
Well, OK
Regardless, invading Russia was an irrational, pointless, and ultimately deadly decision.
"It's like a bad rave, only in place of the hypnotic effects of your grandfather's oxycontin, there's an actual octogenerian screaming gibberish over a thumping beat."
by ReadingRambler on Oct 22, 2009 12:36 PM EDT up reply actions
Couldn't agree more.
But that’s what dictatorship gets you – every tiny decision and action controlled by one raving lunatic.
Bacon is almost as great as being a Penn Stater
by NittanyTide on Oct 23, 2009 10:15 AM EDT up reply actions
One point not addressed in this history
How exactly did Texas and PSU get into the MNC over the greatest college football team in the history of the universe, USC, as annoited by a panel of judges on BSPN?
Easy: they lost to every Pac10 team they were favored to beat by more than 3 TDs.
Bacon is almost as great as being a Penn Stater
by NittanyTide on Oct 22, 2009 12:17 PM EDT up reply actions
1815
The Evil Mr. Curley travels back in time and bribes his way into the British Army as an officer. After saving fighting the French to a draw at Quartre Bras, he receives a meeting with Wellington. He coughs on him. Swine flu!
- 1828:
Napoleon dies. The Evil Mr. Curley leads an army of JoePa clones and lands at the Pas de Calais. He takes Paris shortly thereafter. blah blah emperor blah blah captures Jerusalem blah blah
- 1907:
The Second, Much Faster, Industrial Revolution, funded by the Evil Mr. Curley has swept across Europe. Curley, errr. France, err Curleyland has captured all of the world except for Bhutan and the United States and Canada (“Sacre bleu! Who cares about Canada?”). Curleyland goes to war with the United States over disputed fishing rights or something.
-1911:
After two years of stalemate, in a bold gambit, the U.S. Navy launches an invasion of like umm the Faroe Islands…because they have sheep there. The Curleylander Navy finally seizes the opportunity to attack the U.S. fleet who had stayed at Philadelphia (New Jersey was flooded because no one really likes NJ and because easier access blah) for most of the war. The Curleylanders crush America’s fleet and finally launch Operation Dirty, Slutty, Awesome Moneybags – the invasion of America.
-1921:
The U.S. guerillas could only hold out for so long.
-1922:
The Evil Mr. Curley finally reveals his plan: Nuke Iowa.
-2009:
Penn State goes undefeated against the only teams left in CFB, Nebraska, South Florida, Drake, Slippery Rock (a national power), Tate Forcier, and OMGSECTUCKY to win the national title.
-2010:
Rambler gets a job, a girlfriend, and a trip to the mental hospital.
"[angry frown]" - Lloyd Carr
How long you been working on that?
And by that last line we all knw you’re lying.
by Jeff Junstrom on Oct 20, 2009 3:47 PM EDT up reply actions
Well, I haven't quite finished my list of remaining teams
Bold indicates PSU rivals:
Bizarro Penn State (flashy, South Florida/SOCAL, braggarts, etc)
Kansas State
Drake
Slippery Rock
Maryland Eastern Shore
Temple
Tate Forcier
OMGSECTUCKY
Nebraska
Weber State
Lake Superior State
University of Mexico
"[angry frown]" - Lloyd Carr
by ReadingRambler on Oct 20, 2009 4:01 PM EDT up reply actions
Wait a minute-
If Iowa got nuked, then how is Drake still around?
"I thought the kid we were using had the potential to be a good quarterback, and I blew that one." - Joseph V. Paterno
by leeharvey418 on Oct 20, 2009 4:08 PM EDT up reply actions
I meant Iowa City
Drake combined with Iowa State around 1970. Sadly, ISU’s suckitude dragged Drake down.
"[angry frown]" - Lloyd Carr
by ReadingRambler on Oct 20, 2009 4:24 PM EDT up reply actions
They let you have girlfriends in prison?
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
Well, not the good kind
But I’m a droid and I’ll take what I’m given.
I’m still angry tho that she didn’t tell me she was pregnant when I met her.
"[angry frown]" - Lloyd Carr
by ReadingRambler on Oct 20, 2009 4:36 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Wait, so you're not already in the mental hospital in this theoretical scenario?
Shouldn’t 2010 be:
Rambler gets a job, a girlfriend, and atrip tofull pardon from the mental hospital.
Dawson, what's your guess
on Rambler’s IRL age?
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
In dog years
"[angry frown]" - Lloyd Carr
by ReadingRambler on Oct 21, 2009 12:30 PM EDT up reply actions
Assuming he's actually a real person, which is a strech...
by Jeff Junstrom on Oct 21, 2009 12:00 PM EDT up reply actions
He's definitely a tough dude to speculatively profile
Unlike Bad Rambler. We know what makes that guy tick.
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
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