Max Headroom Called, He Wants His Royalty Check

by Run Up The Score on Oct 22, 2009 10:26 AM EDT in Football Comment 68 comments

Look, I love the "Penn State Football Story". It's been a staple of my Sunday mornings for as long as I can remember watching Penn State football. Okay, the length of actual game highlights has completely dwindled over the years, but the recent addition of the in-depth player/family profiles is nice. Besides, nobody other than NFL Films can make a four-win season seem like such a magnificent accomplishment. And talk about the memory hole -- good luck finding episodes of the PSFS about a Penn State loss on the internets!

However, I'm not sure I can ever defend the following atrocity, which was broadcast on this past weekend's PSFS. Try to choke back your vomit and suppress the urge to convulse:

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? It's like a bad rave, only in place of the hypnotic effects of your grandfather's oxycontin, there's an actual octogenerian screaming gibberish over a thumping beat.

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What the hell was that?

"[angry frown]" - Lloyd Carr

by ReadingRambler on Oct 22, 2009 10:33 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

I'm still not sure.

by Run Up The Score on Oct 22, 2009 10:48 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Who the hell is the hardhat Jagoff?

DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, GUIDO

by SweepTheLeg on Oct 22, 2009 2:03 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

That's my other question.

He’s become a distant relative of the alumni who dress up in pads and those ugly masks. Where did this hardhat/megaphone tool come from?

by Run Up The Score on Oct 22, 2009 2:08 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I saw this at the computer lab

However, I did not have headphones.

So I’m watching… I thought the video was skipping… no… apparently it’s a lame rave edit. No thanks.
Completely agree, PSFS does an awesome job, but this is terrifying.

by GreatScawt on Oct 22, 2009 10:33 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

I don't understand

What was the thought process behind this?

"It's like a bad rave, only in place of the hypnotic effects of your grandfather's oxycontin, there's an actual octogenerian screaming gibberish over a thumping beat."

by ReadingRambler on Oct 22, 2009 10:35 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I’ll assume Guido had something (everything) to do with it

by state08 on Oct 22, 2009 10:52 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

This is awful. Plain awful.

by smashtheguitar on Oct 22, 2009 10:44 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

A disgrace

I couldn’t make it past the 20 second mark. That was miserable.

by cjj127 on Oct 22, 2009 10:48 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

What was with

the bowling scene?

by jtw126 on Oct 22, 2009 10:48 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

I couldn't figure that out, either.

But it reminded me of the Kenny Powers training video from “Eastbound and Down” (likely NSFW), where he’s just doing a bunch of random, unrelated stuff.

by Run Up The Score on Oct 22, 2009 10:50 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs

That is exactly it!

I couldn’t place it. Solid pick up RUTS!

We are not normal. We are legends.

by NittanyAlum02 on Oct 22, 2009 11:10 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Random video

This is probably the best self defense video I have ever seen. It is really worth watching.

"How many things do you do where you are involved with 110,000 other people on the same page? Unless you're in an English class cheating with 30 other guys."

by psu on Oct 22, 2009 11:10 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

just watch at 1:10

Please for the love of all things holy, watch this part of the video so you can defend yourselves.

And if you want to know how to get in shape watch 5:25.

"How many things do you do where you are involved with 110,000 other people on the same page? Unless you're in an English class cheating with 30 other guys."

by psu on Oct 22, 2009 5:03 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Better self defense video

Remember, don’t go ninjin nobody don’t need ninjin.

"Is that right?" Joe answered. "That’s not a problem. But you’ve got a problem. You don’t relate to me. And that’s a big problem."

by dmoney350z on Oct 22, 2009 6:14 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

+1 for Kenny Powers reference, can’t wait for the new season.

"We hugged as grown men do. It was a great moment. Then, it was business as usual." -- LJ Sr.

by millzners on Oct 22, 2009 11:32 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Ugh..

Please tell me that I had a bad internet connection and it screwed up the timing of that “video”

by RudyWasOffsides on Oct 22, 2009 10:53 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

wow

just wow…

We decide when you hear the snap count...

by thedrizzle on Oct 22, 2009 10:53 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

We are!!!

PSU????

BSD

by Kevin HD on Oct 22, 2009 10:54 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Thank you!

Why on earth would they feel the need to re-edit our signature cheer? Stunned. And a little sick to my stomach.

We are not normal. We are legends.

by NittanyAlum02 on Oct 22, 2009 11:10 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

THE GREATEST SHOW ON.... WTF!!!!

"How many things do you do where you are involved with 110,000 other people on the same page? Unless you're in an English class cheating with 30 other guys."

by psu on Oct 22, 2009 10:57 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

SWEET JESUS

I think I seized TWICE during that.

by PSUJunny05 on Oct 22, 2009 10:59 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Well at least this guy thinks it was awesome

"Every player we have, someone—maybe a parent, a grandparent, someone—poured their life and soul into that young man. They are handing that young man off to us. They are giving us their treasure, and it's our job to make sure we give them back that young man intact and ready to face the world." - Joe Paterno

by Horse N Buggy on Oct 22, 2009 11:03 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

what were the search terms that returned this pic?

"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69

by jtothep on Oct 22, 2009 12:25 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

"Tate Forcier fan club"

by Horse N Buggy on Oct 22, 2009 12:58 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

"How to Sleep with Girls in the 90s"

by PSUJunny05 on Oct 22, 2009 12:59 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

yeah

is that the dude from 90210?

by Screen Name 20 on Oct 22, 2009 1:00 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Somewhere in an office or meeting room

a bunch of people all sat around and decided that a remix of Joe Paterno would be a nice addition to the show. That is quite scary.

I strongly agree with your other point as well. Five to ten years ago the game highlight section was maybe 75% of the show content and included a fair percentage of the game. Now, they show only slightly more than they do in the beginning montage.

by cpm126 on Oct 22, 2009 11:21 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

The lack of highlights actually infuriates me.

But I figured it was another topic for another time. Yeah, the first segment is sort of a fluffy introduction with a handful of highlights. Commercial. Then there’s the in-depth player thing. Commercial. Then there are some slightly more expansive highlights, and that’s about all.

I mainly watch it out of habit and tradition, but it’s undeniably gone downhill in recent years. If you missed the actual game, this incarnation of the PSFS really doesn’t show you anything that you can’t get from the BTN or ESPN highlights on their sites.

by Run Up The Score on Oct 22, 2009 11:48 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I figured it out!

You need to take about 20 hits of LSD first. Then it morphs into the glee club singing the Alma mater.

Peter

by psuboy on Oct 22, 2009 11:44 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

I'm glad someone shares my pain.

I saw that this past sunday and I’m fairly certain that it actually gave me swine flu. No joke, I got so sick I had to stay home from work on Monday.

I go out of my way to watch the PSFS every sunday, even after losses, because somehow it has a way of making the loss sting a little less… but this video really made me reconsider tuning in on sundays.

"The only cohesive passing game in the whole damn conference was in Happy Valley." -Rivalry Esq.

by BSmith717 on Oct 22, 2009 11:58 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Call for new hour-long format for the Football Story:

(commercials as they would air on FSN Pittsburgh – I’m sure the Philly crowd can imagine their own awful local ads)

1. Opening Montage, thank sponsors
commerical break (West Hills Nissan 9020 Guys, awful Penn State Room spot with original bad-PSU-remix-thingy, lame Penguins “Defy Ordinary” promo)

2. First Quarter highlights
commercial break (Century III Chevrolet minutes from the mall!, Rockvale outlets, whatever show is coming to the Benedum Center)

3. Second Quarter highlights, thank sponsors again
commercial break (Max Talbot Superstar Treatment BMW ad, PSU Bball buy-one-ticket-get-ten-free, Rockvale outlets – didn’t we JUST see the one???)

4. Fluff piece (player profile et al)
commercial break (Rotel need-queso-in-a-salon-worst-commerical-ever, FSN spot for Wanstache-WVU-JoePa pressers on Tuesday, PSU I-earned-my-degree-while-on-active-deployment-in-a-sandy-tent-with-a-laptop commercial)

5. Third Quarter highlights
commerical break (FSN spot for Mike Tomlin presser, Giant Eagle ad, Isaly’s chip-chopped ham is leaner tastier hammier)

6. Fourth Quarter highlights, thank Berks et al one last time

Bacon is almost as great as being a Penn Stater

by NittanyTide on Oct 22, 2009 12:00 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs

PUTYOURPUTYOURPUTYOURHANDSINTHEAIR.

That awful Penn State Room ad. Holy shit. I’m planning to hit that pinata, too. Patience.

by Run Up The Score on Oct 22, 2009 12:09 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

And the Ro-Tel queso thing?

What, the guy is too retarded and helpless to open a can and a package of Velveeta? He needs help for that?

I’ve never even seen Ro-Tel in a supermarket. Is this purely a midwestern thing?

by Run Up The Score on Oct 22, 2009 12:10 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Luckily he finds a multi-talented hairdresser who can also prepare queso.

oh, and my hands are in the air! PENN STATE!

Bacon is almost as great as being a Penn Stater

by NittanyTide on Oct 22, 2009 12:16 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I've seen it down here in DC

And was strangely tempted to buy it before realizing that is exactly what I had been brainwashed to do. It’s a vast conspiracy. First it’s purchasing Ro-Tel, and before you know it you’re getting a “free personality test” administered by Tom Cruise and John Travolta.

by jtw126 on Oct 22, 2009 12:29 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

last weekend, after watching that commercial for the 40-50th time

I actually thought to myself, that stuff looks good, I am going to have to buy some for the game this weekend. But NO ROTEL FOR YOU! I made some out of the competing brand tomato product and it was good.

"How many things do you do where you are involved with 110,000 other people on the same page? Unless you're in an English class cheating with 30 other guys."

by psu on Oct 22, 2009 1:00 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

don't try to eat the entire block of velveeta though

"How many things do you do where you are involved with 110,000 other people on the same page? Unless you're in an English class cheating with 30 other guys."

by psu on Oct 22, 2009 1:00 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

try the velvetta and a can of hormel chili (no beans)

makes a great queso dip (a la chili’s and other restaurant chains).

by Screen Name 20 on Oct 22, 2009 1:03 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I want to shoot the 9020 guys in the head.

Point blank. In a police station.

by PSUJunny05 on Oct 22, 2009 1:01 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

As long as you assume a fighting stance first.

by jtothep on Oct 22, 2009 1:09 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I like this post about that stupid video...

I was watching it while my wife was reading a book on the couch next me and I said “Holy hell that’s irritating.” She agreed.

by LowcountryLion on Oct 22, 2009 12:26 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Anybody have their address??

I want to write a letter and complain. We can not allow them to think this is acceptable. Anything less than making thier ears bleed is failure.

So if anybody knows the mailing address of The PSFS, please share. Thanks.

by Hoptafence3 on Oct 22, 2009 12:29 PM EDT via mobile reply actions 0 recs

PSFS

At one point, wasn’t the PSFS an hour long or am I making that up? It is not nearly as good as it used to be.

Never mistake effort for achievement.

by Esteban d' Amur on Oct 22, 2009 12:44 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Always been 30 minutes.

Just a lot fewer highlights and a lot more corporate sponsors these days.

Not sure how long the “TV Quarterbacks” program used to be, with Fran and Joe. I think that stopped airing in the early-80s?

by jtw126 on Oct 22, 2009 1:20 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Okay, so which is more annoying?

1. This awful Football Story attempt at inducing epileptic seizures?

2. The goobers on the Big Ten “Four Pack” commercials?

3. The talking dog on the Bush’s Baked Beans commercials?

by CvilleLion on Oct 22, 2009 12:50 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Four Pack

Most counter-productive marketing scheme ever.

"In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

by IcersGuy on Oct 22, 2009 12:56 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I vote the techno video.

Although the “Four Pack” dopes are a close second.

by Run Up The Score on Oct 22, 2009 2:08 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I hate talking dogs

"It's like a bad rave, only in place of the hypnotic effects of your grandfather's oxycontin, there's an actual octogenerian screaming gibberish over a thumping beat."

by ReadingRambler on Oct 22, 2009 12:59 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs

Not a fan of McGruff the Crime Dog, Brian from Family Guy, etc?

Never mistake effort for achievement.

by Esteban d' Amur on Oct 22, 2009 1:05 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

no

hate em both, like they’re from Michigan.

by jtothep on Oct 22, 2009 1:11 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs

Agree, with two exceptions

1. Triumph, the comic insult dog
2. The alpha dog doberman in Up with his voice collar broken so he sounded weak and wimpy

by jtothep on Oct 22, 2009 1:11 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Triumph is the greatest

….for me to poop on

but seriously, I’ve never been able to not laugh at any Triumph sketch.

by dawsonPSU10 on Oct 22, 2009 7:52 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Everyone, calm down;

We are the #1 party school in the nation, I’m amazed it took this long to bust out the techno.

This video makes the techno Seven Nation Army that was played via the PA system (over the Blue Band, of course) at the game on Saturday seem like the alma mater.

by againstthespread on Oct 22, 2009 1:28 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Personally I'm more offended by the PA system music

However, I do wish PSFS would revert to the format suggested by Nittany Tide above

A win over Pitt is like kissing your sister

by JuniataMan on Oct 22, 2009 1:32 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

24/7 GETTHEGEARATPENNSTATECLOTHESDOTCOM! YOUBET!

FAMILY CLOTHESLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNEEEEEEE

Black Shoes. Basic Blues. No Name. All Game.

"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the mouth."

by Roland86 on Oct 22, 2009 1:39 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

I confess to liking that one

In that “so bad it’s good” kind of way. The McLanahan’s ad is “so bad, it’s terrible.”

by Run Up The Score on Oct 22, 2009 2:07 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Totally disagree. Both make me want to puncture my ear drums to numb the pain.

However, I would give the edge to the Family clothesline because I laugh every time I see the little kid with the completely forced smile on his face, who obviously was forced into doing the commercial. Otherwise both of them on a constant loop will probably be the most diabolical punishment performed in the fiery pits of Hell, that even the devil himself would shed a tear.

by dawsonPSU10 on Oct 22, 2009 7:56 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs