HATE WEEK: Northwestern Wildcats

[Bumped for copious amounts of hate.  NERRRRRRDS! - RUTS]


The Wolverines have been tossed.  It's time for fresh hate to be served.  Cold.


The Breakdown:





Look, even their zoo is pretentious
Source: Northwestern Elephant Wildcat Zoo.

WHO: Northwestern--America's ultimate directional school--is the last team in Penn State's vaunted October Illinois Swing(TM).  Northwestern is noted for a long-standing tradition of being in the upper echelon of player graduation rates, ethics, and fairness.  This largely explains why they could not compete in the Big Ten throughout the '70s and '80s.  The only thing the Big Ten schools at this time tended to copy was Northwestern's pretentiousness and snobbery.  It took rock-ribbed Penn Staters to set this whole damned conference straight again. You're welcome.





If their coach was a West German music act from the late ‘70s/early ‘80s:



After all is said and done, it was right for you to run!
Source: CCTV.

The third in a six-part series.  Remember the expectations of this season? A team that some Wildcat fans earnestly and reasonably believed could be 7-1 by the Penn State Nittany Lions came to town?  With a dominant defense, an efficient quarterback, and favorable schedule, it seemed the Northwestern Wildcats might contend for its first conference championship since 2000.  Then came the close scare against the awful Eastern Michigan EMU's, the loss to Syracuse, and a desperate comeback against Indiana last week.  Far from dominant, this team is a hairs breadth from being 3-5. Where did this team go? 

Simply put, this team is getting fat on preseason glory and not focusing on practicing good, tough, midwestern football.  It can be clearly seen in this attached video (also used in 1982 by the Western German group Trio).  Fitzgerald spends his time playing the drums at a Chicago pub, letting his players cavort with fans, watching some scary dude on a black and white TV (Hey! He's also in the bar!  I need to get his autograff!) passing their time idly by as thOMIGOD SOMEONE JUST STABBED A WAITRESS! WHAT KIND OF TWISTED GERMAN $)%*( IS THIS?!?!?!  Admirably, the waitress shakes it off.  Hey, it's Chicago.  It probably happens regularly on the North or South side.  Whatever side is the bad one.  I guess they want me to care.  Anyway, this is what Pat Fitzgerald thinks is practice.  It's a disgrace to the honorable Big Ten.

It was good enough to beat Purdue, tho'.  It makes you wonder what goes on during Danny Hope's practice sessions.








Apparently marketing like this moved products in the '60s.  I'll take two, please!
Source: Sports Illustrated Vault: the treasure trove of now-offensive marketing.

WHAT:  Not sucking.  PSU stands at 7-1 with its one loss against the unanimous #1 choice of the robots: The Iowa Huskies, errmm, Hawkeyes.  No one's looking past Michigan State after its performance last Saturday, so the Nittany Lions remaining four games can be described as "easy-hard-easy-hard."  Still, these are the sandwich games that can destroy entire seasons.  Penn State has had a heck of a time pulling out of Evanston with a convincing win.  Most recently, PSU needed a last minute touchdown pass by MRob to defeat the Wildcats in 2005.  A loss in 2003 was only topped by the embarrassment of PSU upsetting Northwestern in 2001.  Northwestern the favorite?  Dark Years indeed.  This should never ever happen again.  The only think I hate more than not not sucking is not not not sucking.  or something.  yeah! HATE ARGHGHGHAATAHAETEHATE!!








Tailgating - dat's de Chicago way!
Source: Chicago Deputy Alderman of Northwestern Alumni Relations Office.

WHERE:  Chicagoland.  Specifically the enclave of Evanston just north of Chicago.  I've never understood people's infatuation with Chicago.  I have this strange feeling whenever I'm in Chicagoland of being some place other than the USA, like I'm in some sort of lame science fiction movie where America is ruled by an enlightened dictatorship.  Everyone who ventures into Chicagoland knows it's ruled by the Honorable Mayor Richard M. Daley, who plasters his face at airports, highway overpasses, park benches, banners, shopping bags--basically everything but urinal cakes (those have Olympic rings on them now).  Anyways, it's like he's an Egyptian pharoah or something.  I can only imagine when he's out of power a legion of workers will chisel his name out of buildings like it's Aswan in 1600 BC.  I will give Chicago credit though: it's totally better than that time in the late '60s when Lincoln, Nebraska was run by a South American junta.


Sell out this stadium or else!
Source: Lincoln Historical Society


Anyways, they play in Ryan Field, formerly Dyche Stadium.  Apparently this Ryan guy also got the basketball arena named after him.  This guy ponied up a lot of money to improve the athletic facilities at Northwestern.  Northwestern.  I guess we can think of him like T. Boone Pickens at Oklahoma State, only without the continued basketball excellence and football success.






They have so many fans!
Source: Ryan Field.

WHEN: 2:30pm Mountain on ABC or ESPN2.  Another thing I hate is missing a good opportunity.  I did not realize it until now, but there's no place cheaper for a road game than Northwestern.  You can do it in a day.  I just checked.  If you book in advance, a flight from Pittsburgh to Midway lands at 9:00 am and a United flight takes off from O'Hare at 9:15 pm.  Grand total of $133 roundtrip.  Plenty of time to take the El to Evanston for a game that starts at 11 or 3:30 and you don't have to get scalped by the Chicago hotels and their fees.  Plus it's not like there are major delays at airports on Saturday mornings.  Tickets are easy to come by at Northwestern, endzone tickets go for $35.  Pack a lunch, grab a Chicago dog for dinner, and spend the rest on Goose Island 312 and a college student could see a Penn State road game for less than $200 plus gas from State College to Pittsburgh.  That's a steal--good luck finding a ticket for less than $200 in Columbus.  Similar flights and rates can be found throughout most of Big Ten country.  We should sell out their stadium.  We have no reason not to.  I hate having to wait until 2011 to take advantage of this opportunity!  I blame Northwestern for hiding this from our fans!






Skid marks...heh.

Source: Northwest(ern) Airlines.  Hate!

WHY:  Why? So admittedly we're on a bit of a lull after one of the most dramatic beatdowns in recent Penn State history.  We all have that glow of satisfaction of knowing that everyone in corn and blue is upset about their Wolverines.  We can all feel it on Monday.  We all get a day or two to rest on our laurels (but sit on them wrong, you can pinch 'em laurels and thems can hurt like crazy).  Still, how embarrassing would it be for PSU fans to say, "Hey, this feels good.  I feel good.  The team played great.  Why don't I take this week off and then get back on the wagon for Ohio State week?" 

That, people, is how champion haters become also-rans. 

Hate does not take a break.  Hate recognizes that this Northwestern team is a threat.  Hate recognizes that PSU needs to put the hate out full force against the overconfident Wildcats.  No team has done less with more than Penn State at Northwestern.  This can not happen again.  They are long overdue for exposure as a weak offensive team with a defense incapable of handling a dynamic Penn State offense.  Why?  Because the Big Ten road to the Rose Bowl always leaves treadmarks in Evanston.  C'mon State! Beat Northwestern! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE!

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