HATE WEEK: Eastern Illinois
by Cairo on Oct 6, 2009 10:51 AM EDT
111 comments
[Holy crap, are you kidding me? Bumped for about 83 reasons. -- RUTS]
It's Monday, which marks the beginning of Eastern Illinois Hate Week. Just to remind you: Eastern Illinois is venturing into Penn State and looking for an upset. They see a PSU squad that lost to Iowa, only led Illinois by 4 at half, and think they can go Appalachian State on us. They think they can walk into Happy Valley and pull a fast one on JoePa and the boyz, and put us on their Ohio Valley Conference mantel. Can you feel the hate?
The Breakdown:
Approximate location of Eastern Illinois.
Source: National Geographic. Yeah.
WHO: Eastern Illinois--commonly referred to as "Indiana"--ventures into Penn State this Saturday. Eastern Illinois is (thanks Tim) the first ranked team that Penn State has faced this season. The Sex Panthers are currently ranked #25 in the FCS polls after dropping their last game against the Eastern Kentucky NotHilltoppers--totally screwing our strength of schedule after this game. As if they couldn't pull one out on Family Weekend against EKU? I guess the players were looking forward to "Unrepentant Spousal Affairs Weekend" later this season against UT-Martin. One assumes that they are fighting this week to remain in the FCS Top 25, but no one cares. Tennessee Tech got blasted 49-7 by Kansas State two weeks ago and still got a vote, so I don't even know if a loss to an FBS school even matters in their rankings. Being an FCS squad is like being the Sun Belt Champion, who cares when you already have 3 non-con losses against BCS opposition?
I Am Not Making These Up.
Source: http://www.quotesdaddy.com/author/Bob+Spoo
WHAT: This game features two of the longest tenured coaches in their respective subdivisions in Joe Paterno and Bob Spoo. Even though Paterno had already won two national championships by the time Spoo started coaching in 1987. And even though Spoo didn't coach in 2006--like we're supposed to look past that. And I guess we're supposed to be impressed that this guy has spent twenty-odd years dinking around in I-AA? As if that's supposed to be endearing. Either the guy never got a shot at the big time or he was a big fat wuss and never ventured beyond the confines of a no-name directional school. With an all-time record of 127-102-1, you be the judge.
Penn State-Illinois 2005 Georgia Tech-Cumberland 1916 Box Score. Suck it Switzer!
Source: Legit'ly from Wiki
WHERE: Fittingly, the game will be televised on ESPN Classic. ESPN presupposes that this game will be a classic that is to be beheld for all time--hopefully in the NCAA Hall of Fame in South Bend Atlanta. This leads to one of only three possible Classic outcomes:
- Clark and the running back crew will get the single game rushing record, just topping Georgia Tech's 1,650 yards set back in 1916.
- Sean Lee will record the first unassisted triple sack in NCAA history.
- Josh Hullstache will become the first mustache to record a TFL since Bubba Smithstache did it in 1973. As a pro.
Again, you be the judge.
Om Nom Nom Nom!
Source: I popped it on SBNation earlier. Apologies.
WHEN: High noon. Actually 12:05 according to AD's webpage. Also provided you're on the east coast. The EIU Sex Panthers are the second opponent in the Illinois Swing™ of Illinois, Eastern Illinois, and Northwestern for Penn State in the month of October. It is also smack dab in the middle of the Big Ten conference season. This is the quintessential sandwich game, and one that Penn State has everything to lose and nothing to gain by playing at this time. Once again: thanks Tim.
FactFoto: EIU Quarterback Jake Christensen in 2007 2 8 9 5
Source: HateWeek Central
WHY: Jake F'ing Christensen. Remember him? He also goes by the name "The Only Guy Who Made M*r*ll* Look Good." I mean--I don't want to mierda on Anthony's cabeza, but the single win over Iowa this decade was with Morelli at the helm? A lovely description of the game from wiki:
Quarterback Anthony Morelli overcame first-half boos from the Beaver Stadium crowd to finish 18 of 31 for 233 yards and a touchdown in a 27-7 win over the Hawkeyes.
Well, that pretty much sums it up in a fine ol' nutshell. Thanks, Wiki. Do you realize I would switch the result of every game against Iowa this decade and not regret the loss of the 2007 game one bit? That whenever I bring up this game with Iowa fans the conversation goes like this:
Me: Well, we beat you in '07.
Them: (rolls eyes) Christensen.
Me: (stammering) Morelli!
Them: (rolls eyes) Yeah... Christensen.
Me: (irritated and unable to respond)
So what does this Christensen guy do??? Instead of murdering Ferentz' reputation to the fullest, he transfers out and lets Stanzi murder us with his patented OneShiningMomentBall throws against Penn State. Yeah, thanks bunches, Jake. Thanks for the memories, pal.
But does he leave us alone? Nooo... NOOOO!!!! He has to find his way on the schedule again by joining the Sex Panthers and sneaking on the Illinois Swing™! Why won't he leave us? We know he brings nothing to the table, we saw it back in twenty-ought-seven, why come to us again? LET US BE!!!!!!!!11
FactFoto: Picture of the EIU mascot. I think. I dunno, all FCS teams look the same.
So, in closing we're facing a school that wishes it was Indiana, with a knock-kneed coach, of a classic level of suckitude, that offers PSU no positives benefits, all quarterbacked by a guy that reminds of Iowa.
Blame Iowa = Blame Eastern Illinois. QED.
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If you don't do this feature for every other game, I'll do it myself
Rec’d.
DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, DANNY?
This is fantastic.
+1 and please continue.
We are gonna shock them with 5,000 mega watts of raw ROO POWER.
Great work, but I still don't feel the hate.
I remember the 2007 game well, and the most memorable part of the thing was just how lost Christensen looked during the game. He looked like a H.S. kid who had been asked to start for the game, and he was punished by our defense. The other good thing was getting drunk with a bunch of Iowa fans at Pickles Taproom after the game, snickering at them knowing that we owned Iowa….
"How many things do you do where you are involved with 110,000 other people on the same page? Unless you're in an English class cheating with 30 other guys."
My Iowa 2007 memory
Celebrating with a group of Texas A&M fans at a bar in San Francisco. To this day, I have no idea why that many A&M fans would live in San Francisco. I don’t think they even recognize the existence of the west coast in College Station.
"Why that many A&M fans would live in San Francisco..."
Nope. I’m going to leave that joke alone. I’ll call it my good deed for the day.
Where’s the Beer and the Bar-b-Que?
They have some interesting traditions
DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on Oct 6, 2009 10:20 AM EDT up reply actions
Such as?
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
All I remember...
Is that there was something about a “jizz jar”.
DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on Oct 6, 2009 11:01 AM EDT up reply actions
Eeewww, I remember now too
ickky.
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
What is this about
a jizz jar? I thought she couldn’t find Iowa on a map. I hope she at least used a straw.
One man doing the work of 100's for the good of 1000's
Mixed metaphors
Jizz Jar tradition is the property of A&M. I posted Miss South Carolina (aka carolinaeasy, aka Laura Nichols) to accentuate my request for ‘such as’ examples.
There has been no cited reference that Miss South Carolina participated in any way with a Jizz Jar.
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
Hold it...
I thought you were Laura Nichols??
I may not be one of the popular kids but I appreciate you letting me peek behind the curtain.
One man doing the work of 100's for the good of 1000's
Nonsense
You got at least a vote in the Who Would You Like to Have a Beer With poll! Besides, you certainly understand by now that BSD is a living room for dorks and cool kids alike. Your creepy curtain peek notwithstanding.
We’ve all got a little Laura Nichols in us, do we not? Or….is it the other way around? In any event, Tiger Woods can eat his heart out.
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
Since when is
a literal reference creepy?
We’re not talking beef curtains here are we (I was thinking Wizard of Oz when I wrote that)?
One man doing the work of 100's for the good of 1000's
Mean you not 'literary'?
vice literal? Literal was what had me creeped: I do not want you peeking behind my curtain!
perv.
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
Some suggestions
Iowa
Tim Curley
Baconway breaking down in Iowa
Your mom
Rambler’s love of Iowa
Your English professor
Iowa
Corn
Bhgp
Iowa
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
Alex, I'll take...
Rambler’s love of Bacon(way) breaking down in a cornfield in Iowa for $100.
One man doing the work of 100's for the good of 1000's
Well done sir.
I don’t want to wait for our lives to be over,
I want to know right now what will it be.
Take THAT!
Jtot's love affair with Steve Beuerlein?
DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on Oct 7, 2009 3:26 PM EDT up reply actions
Don't do it
Here’s the short version which I gathered from a thread on M zone (can’t find link) (this may be totally false): the Cadet commanders or whatever make the Cadets offer up a jizz jar. I think there might be something about placing the jizz jars on a bonfire, but that might be incorrect.
IMO, it’s just a way for Aggies to have an excuse for pleasuring themselves.
DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on Oct 6, 2009 8:21 PM EDT up reply actions
What kind of school is this?
Your lack of details boosted my curiosity’s bravery, I searched “texas a&m jar”, the only relevant site that come up on the first page was to an M zone post. I will NOT be doing an image search.
I read somewhere
That they bury the jizz jar. Not sure what their plans are for resurrecting it at any point.
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
They plant it and water it with Miracle Grow
So they can grow a jizz tree…DUH
I bleed Blue and White.
by Horse N Buggy on Oct 7, 2009 1:17 PM EDT up reply actions
Thanks
I thought ‘The New Easter’ didn’t sound right.
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
Why do you guys have to punish me this way?
I am Laura Nichols and I like Bacon.
BSD is an addiction, and this is the first step.
Wait!
Miss South Carolina = Laura Nichols = Carolinaeasy?
In the immortal words of Keanu Reeves: whoa!
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
Darn it you guys discovered my secret!
I am Laura Nichols and I like Bacon.
BSD is an addiction, and this is the first step.
I put the easy in carolina!
Sorry I had to! Even though that is alitlle…eh…
I am Laura Nichols and I like Bacon.
BSD is an addiction, and this is the first step.
it's ok
as long as there’s no correlation between you and that jizz jar.
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
None what so ever!
I am Laura Nichols and I like Bacon.
BSD is an addiction, and this is the first step.
Your fans still love you back, laura
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
btw, Cairo
This lady also thanks you for the map.
"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the US should help the US, uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us."
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
My head hurts
DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on Oct 6, 2009 5:20 PM EDT up reply actions
That's what she said!
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
Maybe she was the speechwriter for the Florida senator/congresswoman:
“I’d like to gradulate them gators for the bscsc champeenship…”
"The sea was angry that day, my friends." G. Costanza
sounds more like a speechwriter for Cryor
everyone doesn’t have maps, thinks countries are states, gets you lost, gets me lost.
by The JuggerNitt on Oct 7, 2009 12:16 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Didn't you read the article?
this is our FIRST ranked team, it’s huge!
by PSUisMyHeart on Oct 5, 2009 11:17 PM EDT up reply actions
where are my manners!?
how could i have under estimated this team!!
We decide when you hear the snap count...
this sir, is awesome
"Stats from the spring," he said when handed the numbers. "I can take those down to the spare bathroom in the house. We can put them to use down there."
- Paul Rhoads
It's no wonder we're such a joke
We don’t pull enough recruits out of Omgsectucky.
DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, DANNY?
I started reading this
and couldn’t put it down. I read it cover to cover in one sitting. Awesome, Sir!
"Victory without honor is an unseasoned dish. It might fill you up, but it won't taste good" - Joe Paterno
way to go, Cairo! nicely done sir... look forward to the next installment!
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member
A serious Question
Could someone explain to me the rules of the Big Ten Network? It was my understanding that all teams had to put 3 games on the network every year. Why is this game not on there?
How could Nixon know so little about Watergate and so much about football ?
Akron, Syracuse, and Temple have all been on the Big Ten Network
In addition, they have to put an inter-Big Ten matchup, which I guess will be PSU-Indiana. That makes 4 games for PSU.
thank god those games were/are on
who could imagine missing those classics!
We decide when you hear the snap count...
Nope
Each team must appear twice, and one of those games has to be a conference game. That’s it.
The BTN has something like two exemptions per year where they can block a game from ESPN and keep it for themselves.
Mike
Black Shoe Diaries
can't forget about this connection
Cory Leman
The brother of an american hero will be starting at linebacker for the sex panthers.
"I'm driven by greatness" - Derrick Williams
by HookMania on Oct 6, 2009 9:00 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
apparently
Eastern Illinois is the Delaware of the midwest.
"How many things do you do where you are involved with 110,000 other people on the same page? Unless you're in an English class cheating with 30 other guys."
by psu on Oct 6, 2009 9:18 AM EDT up reply actions
That's a fairly
unremarkable, if not downright unpatriotic, tie.
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
It feels good to hate Panthers again!
Awesome work, dude. I may have to consider a visit to that UT-Martin game. I can’t get behind the mascotism, but I totally dug the Illinois Swing TM that includes jNW, and that map is just pure gold.
Way to keep it clever throughout, brother!
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
It's 8mins in and I'm still chuckling
at that cat/panther image with the arrow. Grand stuff!
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
Sex Panther!
Ron Burgundy: Wow. Never ceases to amaze me. What cologne you gonna go with? London Gentleman, or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard’s Delight.
Brian Fantana: No, she gets a special cologne… It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries… Yep, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good.
Ron Burgundy: It’s quite pungent.
Brian Fantana: Oh yeah.
Ron Burgundy: It’s a formidable scent… It stings the nostrils. In a good way.
Brian Fantana: Yep.
Ron Burgundy: Brian, I’m gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
Brian Fantana: They’ve done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time.
[cheesy grin]
Ron Burgundy: That doesn’t make sense.
by Cairo on Oct 6, 2009 10:42 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
"OMG what is that...
it smells like a spoiled diaper full of Indian Food."
As Sex Panther gathers a larger fan base, I think I’m becoming a bigger fan of the lost in time second place finisher – Blackbeard’s Delight.
One man doing the work of 100's for the good of 1000's
This is one of my favorite scenes from the whole movie
All I have to do is read these comments and I’m laughing uncontrollably
*slow clap*
While part of me wishes you would have told us our job’s our credit, that was awesome.
Seriously, don’t all of the I-AA teams we play have theme park-esque mascots?
They haven't
I’m assuming you think that Eastern Motors has been renamed Easterns Automotive Group. They have not. Eastern Motors, Easterns Automotive Group, and Easterns seem to be used interchanagbly, even in their self-written wiki page.
(The first link? It goes to a page called At Eastern Motors…My Blog’s my Credit at http://easternmotors.blogspot.com )
If that’s not what you were talking about, then, well … look! Lavar Arrington’s old Maserati!
I can't even pick my favorite part.
--
"Not everybody is the perfect person in the world. Everyone does - kills people, murders people, steals from you, steals from me." -- Terrelle Pryor
by Run Up The Score on Oct 6, 2009 10:55 AM EDT reply actions
I LOL'D
"We hugged as grown men do. It was a great moment. Then, it was business as usual." -- LJ Sr.
Post = +1
/ heading to UPS store now and sending to Egypt
"...Drink'n Blue Kool - Aid; One Sip @ a Time..."
Ha.
They took down the ear phones ad. I guess 120 comments about how it sucks wasn’t what they were looking for.
Where’s the Beer and the Bar-b-Que?
Bummer
That was some of my better work.
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
The jokes from you and Rambler were fast and furious
I’m just glad I wasn’t trying to drink any coffee while I was reading them. I laughed out loud so many times.
Nice work, gentlemen!
"The sea was angry that day, my friends." G. Costanza
Oh no the ear buds fanpost is gone, where will be make fun of it?
Anyway, Rambler, saw your proof, my bad, I thought rec’s updated in real time, but I guess not
That was the most fun I have had in awhile
I am Laura Nichols and I like Bacon.
BSD is an addiction, and this is the first step.
At least we have a new phrase added to the BSD lexicon
I tried them and they sucked…
I am Laura Nichols and I like Bacon.
BSD is an addiction, and this is the first step.
There is no reason the fun has to end
All you have to do is sign up for the Texas A&M Blog. Which might totally be worth it.
Where’s the Beer and the Bar-b-Que?
LET'S DO IT!
DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on Oct 6, 2009 2:09 PM EDT up reply actions
WOW...man you really missed it
We served a spammer big time
I am Laura Nichols and I like Bacon.
BSD is an addiction, and this is the first step.
It's like I walked in
just as the party died.
by Mr. Rosewater on Oct 6, 2009 1:59 PM EDT up reply actions
Are you certain it was in that order?
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
It really was a group effort
You just can’t bring that crap around here.
Where’s the Beer and the Bar-b-Que?
I remember some guy last year
trying to pimp his sports page. I think it was right after the Iowa game.
His first post was “I told you so! I called it!”
/ban hammer
by Mr. Rosewater on Oct 6, 2009 2:01 PM EDT up reply actions
I am going to mix the picture of the Swagger Radio.
Damn that was swagerific
I am Laura Nichols and I like Bacon.
BSD is an addiction, and this is the first step.
By the way
this post is Rambler-esque. Brilliant.
Would write a modern critique, but I need the day off :-p
You can sleep when you're dead
Write it!
Write it!
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
By the way...
…they have our old kicker, too.
Oh, and this is hilarious. Remarkably well done, sir.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
Jtot and Jesse.,
I’m going to collect all of "Sports4me"’s posts (and responses) for posterity’s sake. Before he deletes them.
DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, DANNY?
We need a couple of more recs
So it can be a “recomended fan post”; before it gets deleted.
Where’s the Beer and the Bar-b-Que?
Soooo?
“S4M” deleted his own post? Can’t recall if that’s ever been done here before?
RR – how can you “recall” those if they’re deleted?
Or is this an ancient Chinese droid secrete…huhhhh?
"...Drink'n Blue Kool - Aid; One Sip @ a Time..."
by BlueWhiteLife on Oct 6, 2009 3:10 PM EDT up reply actions
I deleted a post of mine once
but mainly it was because another post was up that already covered the same topic
by The JuggerNitt on Oct 6, 2009 4:56 PM EDT up reply actions
My cousin's sister's friend
Once deleted one also.
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
your cousin's sister's friend
sounds hot
/oldie but goody
by The JuggerNitt on Oct 6, 2009 5:26 PM EDT up reply actions
did you guys know that Zack Zwinak commited to Penn State?
::cheapshot:::
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member
by TheMightyErik on Oct 6, 2009 11:12 PM EDT up reply actions
DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN!
Black Shoes. Basic Blues. No Name. All Game.
"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the mouth."
I am pissed that I missed this... damn pacific time zone
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member
by TheMightyErik on Oct 6, 2009 4:15 PM EDT up reply actions
Tony Romo graduated from EIU
Another reason for hate
"The sea was angry that day, my friends." G. Costanza
A correction for the Staches
I believe that Dave Wannstache recorded a tackle for loss on the entire Miami Dolphins team in 2004.
Frick
I hate Eastern Illinois.
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
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