Here’s how it went. Friday night – standard. Saturday – PSU vs Temple started at noon. I thought my Cinnamon Toast Crunch and hangover would be amaaaaaazing with some captain and coke on the side. I was right. Things escalate as we coast to another win and see some obvious flaws. I work and am friends with a bunch of Pitt grads (I feel dirty about this constantly) who convince me to go to a Pitt “tailgate.” Things continue to escalate as I do push-ups and hand out insults to anyone who is listening. I believe this is when I deserved the face punching the most. My older brother is a Pitt grad (I feel dirty about this constantly) so he asked me to go to the Pitt-Navy game with him. I remember exactly one thing from the three hour time period at Heinz “I wish I could be full for Pitt games” Field. 1) As we sit down for the 2nd half, I say to my brother “Wow, it looks so much better from this side,” thinking we had switched sides of the stadium at the half. That’s all I got. I leave the stadium to meet up with friends on carson, because drinking at this point would just make the day complete. I would say things escalated but they didn’t, since I was tired and hungry. So, I went to get a OMGGG ESSS EEEE CCCCC gyro (SEC because they are so strong and fast and amazing but slightly overrated), and the following moment happened: Waiting for a cab, an intoxicated fellow and his friend were looking the other way also waiting for a cab and they bowled into me, knocking said gyro from my death grip. I said “Dude, watch it” (menacing right) and intoxicated fellow did not like this. His friend told him to calm down, and although I didn’t say anything, I think my critical mistake was laughing with full on gyro amazingness seeping out of my mouth and pores. He snaked me in the face. I had a chipped tooth, an emergency root canal, a fake tooth inserted, swollen lips for a week, endless ridicule at work, and all I got was this lousy story.