Mostly-Possible Bowl Predictions
by NittanyTide on Nov 2, 2009 3:42 PM EST
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It's that magical time of year, when college football gurus, pundits, columnists, and blogistas have a decent snapshot of the season and start making wildly entertaining insightful inaccurate bowl predictions for those of us too stupid to look at conference standings and bowl tie-ins bored enough to read them. I accidentally read one already. The title gave the appearance that the article contained news. I soon realized it didn't, but the lead paragraph falsely implied that the rest of the article would be interesting. Needless to say, I tried it and it sucked (TM).
So rather than look around for additional, related drivel, I figured I'd drivel up a list of predictions myself. Starting with the premise that we ignore the extremely unlikely possibilities ("PSU trounces SouthernCaliTexaFloriBama to win title of greatest team ever!" or "Blue Band marches an intricate Strike-through of the Script Ohio drill, declared New Best Damn Band in the Land!"), here's what I consider an entertaining scenario for the end of the season and bowls:
Texas loses a game down the stretch and doesn't make the title game. Alabama and Florida are both undefeated until the SEC Championship; Alabama wins. Oregon, USC, and PSU win out. Cincinnati and Boise State also win out to finish undefeated. TCU drops a game, and everyone on their bandwagon jumps behind Boise State.
MNC: Iowa vs. Alabama. Vegas sets the over/under at 6.5. Gamblers rake in millions when Alabama kicks a field goal in the third quarter. Final score: Iowa 4, Alabama 3.
Rose Bowl: Oregon (Pac10 champ) plays Boise State (at-large bid because Big10 champ Iowa is in the NC) in a rematch everyone wants to see. Oregon State is up big with 10 minutes to play, when the game degenerates into a series of sucker-punches. Every elegible player for either team is knocked out cold. The NCAA bans both teams from playing football forever, and we never see the blue turf or gauduckulous uniforms again for as long as we live.
Fiesta Bowl: PSU vs. Texas. Colt shoots himself in the Burress foot by throwing six interceptions. PSU wins big.
Orange Bowl: Georgia Tech beats USC. This leaves USC with three losses, two to "inferior" teams, but they're really glad they got to play someplace other than the Rose Bowl.
Sugar Bowl: Cincinnati beats Florida. It is an eye-opening experience for Tebow, who didn't realize there were so many heathen non-believers in the Ohio River Valley. He spends the next two years as a missionary to the region, but tragically is eaten by canibals.
Both Cincinnatti and Iowa are still undefeated. A mythical-national-seance is held, Nixon's ghost is conjured, and Iowa is declared champions.
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That's friggin' awesome
Tebow eaten by cannibals in the Ohio River Valley. Classic.
"I thought the kid we were using had the potential to be a good quarterback, and I blew that one." - Joseph V. Paterno
I'm confused as to why Oregon State is up 10 in a game between Oregon and Boise State?
Or is that a combination of the teams, like “Man, the WHOLE F*#$ING WORLD WINS WITH THIS REMATCH!”
"Every player we have, someone-maybe a parent, a grandparent, someone-poured their soul into that young man. They are handing that young man off to us. They are giving us their treasure, and it's our job to make sure we give them back that young man intact and ready to face the world."
-J.V.Pa.
Oregon State isn't up by 10
They’re up big with 10 minutes left to go. I think what we’re witnessing there is a fusion of Oregon’s two mightiest powers, the Ducks and the Beavers. It should look something like this:
Are you sayin' combine the
two teams into one called “The State of Oregon Platypus’s”? I like it, there’s not enough platypus’sss in sports these days. Plus, it would be fun to see what Nike does with the uniforms.
One man doing the work of 100's for the good of 1000's
I for one
can’t wait to see the bill for the new helmets…
+1 for tragically eaten by cannibals
"Stats from the spring," he said when handed the numbers. "I can take those down to the spare bathroom in the house. We can put them to use down there."
- Paul Rhoads
I like this
it is all mostly realistic, except that there’s no way the Rose Bowl would pass up PSU since we’re in the Big 10. Other than that, though, spot on. Pity about Tebow with the cannibals, though.
Just FWIW
The Rose sure as hell won’t be taking Boise St (or TCU). The Rose’s obligation to replace a Big Ten/Pac-10 team that goes tot he championship game with a non-BCS conference team should one automatically qualify doesn’t start until the 2010 season. So, in a scenario where Iowa goes to the BCS championship, you’ll probably see PSU replace them in the Rose (or some other good team from a top conference).
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