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The voice was strange. Sounded like a cat. Cool, collected, cunning. He said his real name was a type of hair, but he wanted us to call him "Triple C with the big Gs".

I tuned the radio in shortly before 2:00 PM. He said the score was 38-33. "Rather high for a football game in the early minutes of the second half.

He kept repeating the same statements:  

We weren't expecting Talor Battle to do this well at Fritz linebacker, but, by God he's great!

Shaun King will be a first round draft pick!

Rich Rodriguez is an upcoming star in the ranks of college football. He's rumored to be a candidate for the coaching job at Notre Dame.

This new football stadium in Charleston is great!

Over. And over. And over again.

Quiet. Listen. Something about hot dogs. Berks hot dogs.

Buy season tickets at the PHEAA stand, he says.

Pay no attention to that bad defense, he says.

Tulane is ranked fifteenth in pre-season football polls, he says.

It's hard to figure out just what he means or what he's even saying. But I am beginning to figure it out.

He says the score is getting worse.

He names the starting lineup for both teams.

Penn State:

QB - Jay Paterno, RB - Mike Gasparato, WR - Jesse Arnelle, WR - Eddie Drummond, OT - Scarecrow, OG - Jan Jagla, C - Bob Casey.

Wait, what? Bob Casey? That Bob Casey? Just eight guys? What about the defense?

He continues:

Tulane starts Shaun King, that guy from Clemson when RichRod was OC there - Woody something or other, Drexler maybe? No, Dantzler. Woody Dantzler - Clyde Drexler, Dick Butkus, the spirit of Red Grange, Lenny Moore, Calvin Booth, Brian Bosworth, Johnny the jet Rodgers, Hopalong Cassady, Ronald Reagan, Lee Marvin, Commodore Perry, The black haired dude from "Dragnet", Jim Thorpe's evil brother, BSD Mike, Viscount Dundee, and Drew Brees. Most pundits believe they will defeat the Steelers next week. Should be a good one. Of course, I'm not drunk.

A phone rings.

It was not my intention to sleep with your wife, Abdullah. She did not reveal her identity. Your women have such charm. Perhaps a more modest dress is in order?

You'll get your money when I get my oil!

Yes, I heard them enter now. They are not very subtle, are they? Nevertheless, you are too cunning for me, Abdullah. I regret that we did not address this issue in a more, um, polite manner. Goodbye.

I hear a metallic noise.

Smith and Wesson. What a name.

All the people telling me to schedule Pitt can kiss my ass.

What the hell?

For the record, I don't regret scheduling New Jersey Tech. Or was it Montrose Tech? Whatever. Goodnight and good luck.

We won't be scheduling Tulane next year. Or ever. Or anyone from the state of North Carolina.

A sound of thunder.