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HATE WEEK: OHIO $TATE

It's hate week, it's real, and it's on now.

 

The Breakdown:

 

WHO

 

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The Ohio State Way.
Source: Not the NCAA Committee on Infractions, apparently
.


WHO: Ohio $tate University, or "The reason all of this Mainstream Media Hate on the Big Ten is Happening University."  This team's continued ability to NOT show up against teams with less than three losses has negated any and all of the rest of the Big Ten's success over the past four years.  So we didn't pull it out in the Rose Bowl last year, do you really think it would have changed anyone's perception of the conference since the Buckeyes lost to Texas?  This team may have fallen to third place in the Big Ten standings, but they are still the alpha dog in this fight.  Penn State, Michigan, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Miami, Notre Dame... all of these teams know what it's like to go through a some dark years.  Buckeye fans are nervous, they know their team isn't performing up to par, that they might be entering a period of uncertainty.  Every downturn starts with a double-whammy: a HORROR loss to a terrible team (Michigan v App State, Penn State v Toledo), and a demolishing loss to a top-rated squad.  They had the first shoe drop with the loss to Purdue, but they still lack that game, that 29-5 beatdown to USC that leaves you exposed and weak, that 39-7 beatdown to Oregon that shows Your Way is dated and on its way out.  Penn State has the skills to give them that soulcrushing loss that sends them bleary-eyed to Alamo Bowl, wondering what happened to their run to the championship.  It's time to give them what they deserve.



If their coach was a West German music act from the late ‘70s/early ‘80s:

 

 

Come to Ohio $chtaten!
Source: Home video.


The fourth in a six-part series.  Unlike previous editions of ITCWAWGMAFTL70s/E80s, this movie actually features Ohio State Buckeyes coach Jim Tressel.  After twenty seconds of intro by a guy in the official "poser rebel" wardrobe of 1978, he shakes the hand of Jim Tressel, decked out in a Buckeye red shirt.  Look!  No sweater vest!  Then, he and future assistant coaches begin to perform their recruiting pitch to a live TV audience.  It's a bit difficult to understand, but they essentially discuss their offensive game plan while mimicking one of the many iso plays away from motion that they've run for the past decade.  Hey it worked to get Terrell Pryor (and provided the impetus for one of Mike Myers funniest skits), so they must have something here.

 

WHAT

 

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The The looks up The in thesaurus for The Ohio $tate.
Source: The Internet.



WHAT:  The.  You know what I'm talking about: you're at home, settling down early in the first quarter to watch Sunday Night Football when the players state their names and the university/high school where they played. Up comes some player who cocks one eyebrow, smirks at the camera, and goes "(name), THE Ohio $tate University."  As if we're supposed to be blown back by their use of a definite article.  The Ohio $tate University.  Thanks.  Without the "the" I'd have figured it was one of many potential Ohio $tates.  Perhaps you went to Ohio $tate University de Paraguay.  Good thing you spelled it out for me, genius.

Here's what you really spelled out: "I'm a conceited idiot, and I think I'm more specialer than you."  Congratulations, you sold me!

WHERE

 

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The first image that comes up in a google image search for "Happy Valley."  Man, it's changed since I was last there!
Source: Google Images.  Perhaps I need to go to Bing.

 

WHERE:  On the Banks of the Mighty Spring Creek.  OK, just above it and that old old iron forge thing next to College Ave and Porter Road.  This is a home game and is a rare non-crappy 2009 opponent.  For once, there is NO RAIN IN THE FORECAST!  So we have a big time opponent, a BCS bowl appearance on the line, mild weather, and a good start time.  Anything less than a full, crazy, wild crowd in the Best Stadium in the Country (it's on Bleacher Report so it must be true) is impossible.  Let's give Turkish Soccer a run for their money. PSU is 5-4 all time at State College in the Penn State-Ohio $tate rivalry and was embarrassed the last time the Buckeyes came to town in a 37-17 loss.  This will change.

WHEN

 

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November Sunset and Moonrise at Penn State
Source: http://live.psu.edu/image/23030



WHEN: 3:30pm Eastern on the ABC/ESPN system.  Restrictions on night games be damned, this is State College in November.  It means the lights will be on, the crowd will be glowing white, and Pryor will be introduced to tall fescue by Jared Odrick.  Repeatedly.  Which brings me to...

WHY

 

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Tamba Hali and Navorro Bowman celebrate Ohio $tate's Big Ten championship titles in 2005 and 2008.

Source: Ohio Sports Hall of Fame.


WHY:  If you have to ask why, then you haven't been following Penn State football long enough.  I'll try to bring you up to speed. Why?  Because of "four consecutive Big Ten titles".  Because 324 happened against Ohio $tate.  Because of 1912.  Because of the Big 33.  Because we're too country.  Because 63-14.  Because 63 points leaves us wanting 70.  Because of the scene.  Because of the stakes.  Because they bring out the best in us.  Because you don't need a Hate Week post to know it's Hate Week.  Because its our season.  Because we are not normal.  Because We Are.  Penn State!  Hate. Hate! HATE! HATE!

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