Half-assed Big Ten preview, part 1: Illinois

Right, so I'm bored and I've got nothing better to do, so I figured I'd try and preview the ten other Big Televen teams after doing as little research as possible. The point is to see if I my totally half-assed predictions are better than the crap you get from "experts". This will not be correct, and it won't be funny either. Done in alphabetical order, of course.

(I am stealing some of the features from Brian @ mgoblog.)

THE STORY: Illinois went 5-7 (3-5) last year. After a loss to Missouri in the opener, it was apparent that their offense was pretty good and their defense was pretty not good. Afterwards, they beat two cupcakes. Then this happened:

They responded by playing like any Ron Zook led team would: in a totally confusing and inconsistent manner.

via img507.imageshack.us

YOUTUBE SAYS:

GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH SAYS:

via www4.pictures.zimbio.com

Ron Zook, 5th year, 17-26.

Insane men recruit well, apparently.

OFFENSE:

I think Brian puts, like, stats and crap here, but I don't give a flying rat's ass.

QUARTERBACK:

Juice Williams will start again. He's a senior. He can run the ball. He should be a better passer. Should. There's a decent chance he'll play like shit every now and then.

Eddie McGee is the backup. From what little I've seen from him, he appears to be less mobile then Williams, but a better passer.

RUNNING BACK:

Daniel Dufrene will be back. He's adequate.

OFFENSIVE LINE:

Illinois will return three starters from last year. That's all I know.

TIGHT END:

They have some guy with a long Polynesian name who's pretty good. Hommanauwaeiei or something like that.

WIDE RECEIVER:

ASDFDAERFAFADSF SOMEONE STOP BENN!!1 GE'S DESTROYING OUR SECONDARY! GOD'S SAKE TACKLE HIM!!1 ASRGH RUBIN WHAT ARE YOU DING

DEFENSE:

They were pretty bad last year. I don't see how they'll be much better this year.

FRONT SEVEN:

Unless I or the depth chart I'm reading are wrong, they have to replace 6 of their starting 7. And they sucked last year. Good luck.

SECONDARY:

Vontae Davis is gone. Replacing him will either be Ashante Williams or Miami Thomas. I think more people should be named after cities.

That's all I know about the Illinois secondary.

SCHEDULE:

9/5 Missouri (neutral field) (Tossup)                                                                                   

9/12 Illinois State (Win)

9/26 at Ohio State (Probable loss)

10/3 Penn State (probable loss)

10/10 Michigan State (Tossup)

10/17 at Indiana (Win)

10/24 at Purdue (Probable win)

10/31 Michigan (Tossup)

11/7 at Minnesota (Tossup)

11/14 Northwestern (Probable win)

11/21 Fresno State (Probable win)

11/28 at Cincinnati (Tossup) (I know jack shit about Minnesota, Fresno and Cincy.)

BEST CASE SCENARIO:

The defense is not horrible, the o-line is good enough, Juice is a competent passer, Benn becomes the best receiver in the conference, Dufrene has a breakout season, and generally speaking, the offense is excellent.

They go 4-0 in OOC play, lose to Ohio State, upset Penn State, and...

My God. I really think these bastards are capable of 11-1. Wow.

WORST CASE SCENARIO:

The defense is really, really, really not good, the o-line is weak, Juice is not much better as a passer, Benn becomes the best receiver in the conference, Dufrene is meh.

They go 2-2 in OOC play, beat Purdue, Indiana, and Northwestern, but lose to Ohio State, Penn State, Michigan State, Michigan, and Minnesota. 5-7 is possible.

PREDICTION:

The defense is a good, solid, below average to bad, Juice is a competent passer, Benn becomes the best receiver in the conference, Dufrene is good, the o-line is average.

3-1 in OOC play, wins over Indiana, Michigan State, Minnesota, Northwestern, but losses to Ohio State, Penn State, Michigan, and a Zookish upset loss to Purdue. 7-5 is the call.