Half-assed Big Ten preview, part 2: Iowa

Right, so I'm bored and I've got nothing better to do, so I figured I'd try and preview the ten other Big Televen teams after doing as little research as possible. The point is to see if I my totally half-assed predictions are better than the crap you get from "experts". This will not be correct, and it won't be funny either. Done in alphabetical order, of course.

I have to to do this? Really?

(Thanks to BHGP for writing about Iowa, or else I wouldn't know anything.)

THE STORY: Iowa is a hive of scum and villainy.

YOUTUBE SAYS: There is no youtube in Iowa because there is no electricity in Iowa.

GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH SAYS: See above.

THE COACH:

Kirk Ferentz, 11th year, 82-74

OFFENSE:

Ken O'Keefe will be at the helms again. This means Iowa will run off tackle, run tight end screens, and run quarterback bootlegs to the opposite direction of the quarterback's throwing hand.

QUARTERBACK:

Ricky Stanzi. Improved steadily last year, and should be a fairly solid passer this year. However, the occasional STANZIBALL thrown into triple coverage is somewhat likely.

Behind him are two redshirt freshmen.

RUNNING BACK:

Jewel Hampton will probably be the starter. Iowa keeps churning out good tailbacks and I expect this to continue.

Behind him are some other guys whose names I don't know and some guy called "Paki O' Meara".

OFFENSIVE LINE: I have no clue. They should be good though.

TIGHT END: Tony Moeaki is pretty good, but he has a knack for being injured. Alan Reisner is the other guy. Don't know anything about him.

WIDE RECEIVER: Derrell Johnson-Koulianos is pretty good. Behind him are two guys who don't at all sound like white Iowa receivers: Colin Sandeman and Trey Stross.

DEFENSE: Should be one of the best in the Big Ten.

DEFENSIVE LINE: The ends look to be good to excellent.  The tackles, of course, are the big question mark with the departure of Mitch King and Matt Kroul. Should be adequate.

LINEBACKERS: The impeccably named Pat Angerer (Pronounced "Anger") will start in the middle. He's pretty good. Next to him will either be the also pretty good A.J. Edds and either Jeremiha Hunter or Jeff Tarpinian. Iowa is likely to have the second best linebacking unit in the conference, behind yours truly.

SECONDARY: At corner, Amari Spievey, who is pretty good, will start. Dunno about the other spot. Tyler Sash will start at one of the safety spots. The other safety spot will probably go to Brett Greenwood, who has been the butt of "EPIC GREENWOOD" jokes at BHGP for about a year or two now.

SCHEDULE:

 9/5 Northern Iowa (Win)

9/12 at Iowa State (Win)

9/19 Arizona (Probable win)

9/26 at Penn State (Tossup)

10/3 Arkansas State (Win)

10/10 Michigan (Probable win)

10/17 at Wisconsin (Tossup)

10/24 at Michigan State (Tossup)

10/31 Indiana (Win)

11/7 Northwestern (Tossup)

11/14 at Ohio State (Tossup)

11/21 Minnesota (Win)

WORST CASE SCENARIO: Stanzi does not continue improving, Hampton is average, the receivers and tight ends are weak, allowing defenses to key on the run, the offensive line is average. The front defensive seven is very good, the secondary is weak. Losses to Penn State, Wisconsin, Michigan State, and Ohio State. 8-4.

BEST CASE SCENARIO: Stanzi is the second best passer in the conference, the trend of solid Iowa tailbacks continues, the receivers are good enough, Moeaki stays healthy, and the offensive line and front defensive line are excellent, while the secondary is good. 12-0 is possible.

PREDICTION:

Stanzi is a reliable passer, the trend of solid Iowa tailbacks continues, the receivers are good enough, as are the tight ends and the offensive line. The defensive front seven is excellent, the secondary is average, but good enough against most teams. Losses to Penn State and Michigan State and (in an upset) Northwestern, but a big win over Ohio State. 9-3.