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Half-assed Big Ten preview, part 5: Michigan State

Right, so I'm bored and I've got nothing better to do, so I figured I'd try and preview the ten other Big Televen teams after doing as little research as possible. The point is to see if I my totally half-assed predictions are better than the crap you get from "experts". This will not be correct, and it won't be funny either. Done in alphabetical order, of course.

Michigan State. Michigan State.

Just writing the name fills me with rage and a desire to drop a million Tsar Bomba size nukes in Central Michigan. Get out of there before it's too late, JNitt.

I hate them for this. Seriously? I just knew as soon as 300 came out that those freaks in East Lansing would fall in love with it.

I hate them for the fact that they employ Tom Izzo, who I have a lot of respect for. I felt so disgusted and wrong cheering for Izzo's boys this March. Curse you for that, MSU.

I hate their stupid seal.

I hate them for 2007. 'Nuff said.

I hate them for the fact that when I read a biography of General Omar Bradley on Wikipedia, I clicked on his birthday (2/12) and found that MSU was founded on that day. I can't go anywhere without being attacked by Sparty!

I hate them, because thanks to them, we get to play for the Land Grant Trophy every year! Those sonsabitches! We have to pay to maintain that piece of shit, and to carry it with us to East Lansing! Dastardly!

But it's more than that now. Mark Dantonio tried to kill you and I. He tried to freeze us to death with 9 seconds left in that football game. It's personal now.

Fill the comments with accounts of your hatred for Michigan State! Why do you hate them? How long have you hated them? Have you punched one of them today? Details, folks, details!

THE STORY:

Michigan State University was founded on February 12, 1855. Julius Streicher, a prominent Nazi, was born on that same day years later. Think about it.

YOUTUBE SAYS:

GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH SAYS:

Michigan-state-1_medium

via i79.photobucket.com

THE COACH:

Mark Dantonio, 3rd year, 16-10 at MSU, 34-27 overall.

Mark Dantonio took over in 2007 after the departure of John L. Smith. He emphasizes defense, a tough hard nosed offense, attempting to kill elderly opposing fans with the help of cold weather, and joking about how short Mike Hart is.

OFFENSE:

Meh.

QUARTERBACKS:

Either Kirk Cousins or Keith Nichol. Whoever the hell they are.

RUNNING BACKS:

Javon Ringer ran 390 times last year and somehow managed to keep going without exploding. I don't know who will be replacing him. A.J. Jimmerson, I guess.

OFFENSIVE LINE:

They lose two fairly good starters from last year. MSU's running game won't kill anyone this year.

WIDE RECEIVER:

Could quite possibly be the lone bright spot on the offense. Mark Dell and B.J. Cunningham are both back. They better be good and more consistent if the running game will be as average as I suspect.

DEFENSE:

8 starters back from last year's okay but unspectacular unit. Deon Butler is still running free somewhere in the MSU secondary.

DEFENSIVE LINE:

Gone are tackle Justin Kershaw and end Brandon Long. Trevor Anderson, who led the team with 8 sacks last year, is back.

LINEBACKERS:

Greg Jones, Eric Gordon, and Adam Decker. Jones was very good last year. In fact, he seemed to be MSU's entire defense when they played us.

SECONDARY:

Both corners are back, the safeties are gone. Meh.

SCHEDULE:

 9/5 Montana State (Win)

9/12 Central Michigan (Probable win)

9/19 at Notre Dame (Tossup)

9/26 at Wisconsin (Tossup)

10/3 Michigan (Tossup)

10/10 at Illinois (Tossup)

10/17 Northwestern (Probable win)

10/24 Iowa (Tossup)

10/31 at Minnesota (Tossup)

11/7 Western Michigan (Win)

11/14 at Purdue (Probable win)

11/21 Penn State (Probable loss)

You may have noticed a distinct lack of Ohio State on that schedule.

BEST  WORST CASE SCENARIO:

The quarterbacks are okay, the running backs are meh, the offensive line is good, Dell and Cunningham are very good.

The front seven is very good against the run, is average at pressuring the quarterback. The secondary is surprisingly adequate.

4-0 in OOC play, losses to Illinois, Iowa, and Penn State in-conference. 9-3.

WORST BEST CASE SCENARIO:

The quarterbacks aren't even good at being game managers, the running backs are meh, the offensive line gets zero push on run plays and can't protect the qb, Dell and Cunningham play inconsistently.

The defense is okay against the run, gets no pressure, and the secondary is weak.

3-1 in OOC play, losses in-conference to Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, Iowa, Minnesota, and Penn State. 5-7.

PREDICTION:

The quarterbacks are okay, as is the offensive line. The running game is nothing spectacular, and the receivers are good. The offense is nothing spectacular in general.

The defense is good against the run, and gets a fair amount of pressure against most opposing offenses. The secondary is a weak spot.

3-1 in OOC play, losses in-conference to Illinois, Minnesota, and Penn State.  I'll go with 8-4.

But I hope they go 0-12.

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