Half-assed Big Ten preview, part 5: Michigan State
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 7:08 PM EDT
56 comments
Right, so I'm bored and I've got nothing better to do, so I figured I'd try and preview the ten other Big Televen teams after doing as little research as possible. The point is to see if I my totally half-assed predictions are better than the crap you get from "experts". This will not be correct, and it won't be funny either. Done in alphabetical order, of course.
Michigan State. Michigan State.
Just writing the name fills me with rage and a desire to drop a million Tsar Bomba size nukes in Central Michigan. Get out of there before it's too late, JNitt.
I hate them for this. Seriously? I just knew as soon as 300 came out that those freaks in East Lansing would fall in love with it.
I hate them for the fact that they employ Tom Izzo, who I have a lot of respect for. I felt so disgusted and wrong cheering for Izzo's boys this March. Curse you for that, MSU.
I hate their stupid seal.
I hate them for 2007. 'Nuff said.
I hate them for the fact that when I read a biography of General Omar Bradley on Wikipedia, I clicked on his birthday (2/12) and found that MSU was founded on that day. I can't go anywhere without being attacked by Sparty!
I hate them, because thanks to them, we get to play for the Land Grant Trophy every year! Those sonsabitches! We have to pay to maintain that piece of shit, and to carry it with us to East Lansing! Dastardly!
But it's more than that now. Mark Dantonio tried to kill you and I. He tried to freeze us to death with 9 seconds left in that football game. It's personal now.
Fill the comments with accounts of your hatred for Michigan State! Why do you hate them? How long have you hated them? Have you punched one of them today? Details, folks, details!
THE STORY:
Michigan State University was founded on February 12, 1855. Julius Streicher, a prominent Nazi, was born on that same day years later. Think about it.
YOUTUBE SAYS:
GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH SAYS:
THE COACH:
Mark Dantonio, 3rd year, 16-10 at MSU, 34-27 overall.
Mark Dantonio took over in 2007 after the departure of John L. Smith. He emphasizes defense, a tough hard nosed offense, attempting to kill elderly opposing fans with the help of cold weather, and joking about how short Mike Hart is.
OFFENSE:
Meh.
QUARTERBACKS:
Either Kirk Cousins or Keith Nichol. Whoever the hell they are.
RUNNING BACKS:
Javon Ringer ran 390 times last year and somehow managed to keep going without exploding. I don't know who will be replacing him. A.J. Jimmerson, I guess.
OFFENSIVE LINE:
They lose two fairly good starters from last year. MSU's running game won't kill anyone this year.
WIDE RECEIVER:
Could quite possibly be the lone bright spot on the offense. Mark Dell and B.J. Cunningham are both back. They better be good and more consistent if the running game will be as average as I suspect.
DEFENSE:
8 starters back from last year's okay but unspectacular unit. Deon Butler is still running free somewhere in the MSU secondary.
DEFENSIVE LINE:
Gone are tackle Justin Kershaw and end Brandon Long. Trevor Anderson, who led the team with 8 sacks last year, is back.
LINEBACKERS:
Greg Jones, Eric Gordon, and Adam Decker. Jones was very good last year. In fact, he seemed to be MSU's entire defense when they played us.
SECONDARY:
Both corners are back, the safeties are gone. Meh.
SCHEDULE:
9/5 Montana State (Win)
9/12 Central Michigan (Probable win)
9/19 at Notre Dame (Tossup)
9/26 at Wisconsin (Tossup)
10/3 Michigan (Tossup)
10/10 at Illinois (Tossup)
10/17 Northwestern (Probable win)
10/24 Iowa (Tossup)
10/31 at Minnesota (Tossup)
11/7 Western Michigan (Win)
11/14 at Purdue (Probable win)
11/21 Penn State (Probable loss)
You may have noticed a distinct lack of Ohio State on that schedule.
BEST WORST CASE SCENARIO:
The quarterbacks are okay, the running backs are meh, the offensive line is good, Dell and Cunningham are very good.
The front seven is very good against the run, is average at pressuring the quarterback. The secondary is surprisingly adequate.
4-0 in OOC play, losses to Illinois, Iowa, and Penn State in-conference. 9-3.
WORST BEST CASE SCENARIO:
The quarterbacks aren't even good at being game managers, the running backs are meh, the offensive line gets zero push on run plays and can't protect the qb, Dell and Cunningham play inconsistently.
The defense is okay against the run, gets no pressure, and the secondary is weak.
3-1 in OOC play, losses in-conference to Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, Iowa, Minnesota, and Penn State. 5-7.
PREDICTION:
The quarterbacks are okay, as is the offensive line. The running game is nothing spectacular, and the receivers are good. The offense is nothing spectacular in general.
The defense is good against the run, and gets a fair amount of pressure against most opposing offenses. The secondary is a weak spot.
3-1 in OOC play, losses in-conference to Illinois, Minnesota, and Penn State. I'll go with 8-4.
But I hope they go 0-12.
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Pretty good, RR!
'People are about as happy as they decide they want to be'
by Pete the Streak on May 21, 2009 8:23 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Damn it!
Where is the hate??? You’re letting me down, people!
It’s as if you don’t actually hate Michigan State.
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 8:47 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Surprisingly
I didn’t really HATE them for the 9-seconds-left-in-the-game-ass-freezing-timeouts. By that time, my cheeks were already numb and fused to the metal, and I halfway respected them for that last little bit of fight that was left after the brutal curbstomping. At least they made some kind of effort to fuel the rivalry, and I give them a little credit for making me hate them just a little bit more.
They’re still buried behind Ohio State, Michigan, and Iowa on my hate depth chart though.
Luring recruits with my new "Posting HD" scheme since '08.
by 06Lion on May 21, 2009 9:07 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
They weren't fighting back
Dantonio always does that kind of bitter, little brother-like shit. Like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgPSFVeaUco
But, by gosh, I love that in a coach. His whole “Death before rooting for a Michigan win!” jig is perfect for MSU.
However, he was still trying to kill us.
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 9:37 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
right
I could see if they took ONE time out with 9 seconds left, or if they needed to take the second timeout because they were gonna try something cute, but realized our defense wasn’t lined up to allow it. But it really just seemed like “payback” for that Devlin TD pass, but that pass reminded me of the one against Rutgers, where we have our backups in, and (I think it was) Big Red was supposed to do a short little dump off pass, but saw a WR wiiiiide open. I mean really, what is he supposed to do there?
That combined with all the players around him starting to give the finger to the crowd, and jump around, acting like that was some sort of “victory” for them. Perfect opportunity for us to have chanted “Scoreboard”, if only our minds were numb from the cold, and the realization that we had won at halftime, and only stuck around to see the roses.
by The JuggerNitt on May 22, 2009 9:25 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I got crap from an RU alum about that recently
That was like a zillion years ago. Sheesh.
"The sea was angry that day, my friends." G. Costanza
by NJ lion on May 25, 2009 9:17 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
It’s not fair to ask 2nd and 3rd stringers to not score, in what may be their only chance in their career. It pisses me off, however, when a team keeps their starters in to run up the score.
"If you let the men in you've got to let the women in. I don't want a bunch of women walking around in my locker room when guys take showers". Joe Paterno
by letsgopsu on May 25, 2009 10:31 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I hope all the bad things in life happen to MSU and no one else!
That 07 game pissed me off. They’re supposed to lose to PSU all the time. It’s a rule.
Kath?
by psuphiman80 on May 21, 2009 9:07 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Ooh-rah
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 9:39 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I had an urge to fix up your image, everyone knows you can't floss without disco
They don’t have the tradition to hold our nuts
by psu on May 21, 2009 9:30 PM EDT reply actions 3 recs
Nice
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 9:34 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
What he's dancing to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtXbdrsQVP8&feature=related
“Green” from the ’80s musical THE WIZ.
by Cairo on May 24, 2009 4:41 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I'm having trouble dredging up any hate
‘07 sucked…a lot, but it wasn’t really them being incredible it was the inability of a nameless QB to lead us to victory when we really need him to, and the coaches’ fault for putting the faith in said QB to try to convert four passing plays in a row instead of trying some run plays.
I really wanted to stay and celebrate winning the Big 10, but my father convinced the rest of my family to leave, because it was cold as shit, and the sun was already down, and the temp was dropping like Javon Ringer vs. our D-line and Linebackers. So I didn’t get to experience the prolonged end of the game, despite wanting to brave the cold.
I guess I hate them for the Land Grant, but it’s really not their fault, unless they designed the stupid thing. But the sixth grade shop class that built it would then be pretty offended if MSU took credit for it (or maybe they’d be pleased, idk. I know I’d be embarrassed as hell if that were my work, because obviously they had to be slipping that sixth grade shop class shots of Bankers Club vodka)
The spirit is willing (to hate), but the reasoning is spongy and bruised. Please convince me otherwise.
by dawsonPSU10 on May 21, 2009 9:49 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I cannot
Hate cannot be forced by an outsider. You must look within yourself to find the hate.
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 10:21 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Actually it WAS designed by Michigan State
by the former coach, George Perles.
by The JuggerNitt on May 22, 2009 9:29 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
MAKE PLAYS!
"Never. We would never shoot nuclear weapons at Decepticons." -- Gen. Jack Jacobs
by Run Up The Score on May 21, 2009 9:50 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I can't believed I listened to all 16 minutes of that
But MAKE PLAYS! was the highlight.
by dawsonPSU10 on May 21, 2009 9:52 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
for me it was the ‘AGAIN’ b/c his voice turned into this muppet character. I laugh my ass off every time. Go to 8:10, “they mismanaged the game AGAAAAAIN”
"We hugged as grown men do. It was a great moment. Then, it was business as usual." -- LJ Sr.
by millzners on May 21, 2009 10:12 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
My favorite part has always been and will always be “Note to John L. Smith: timeouts are not like cell phone minutes! THEY DON’T CARRY OVERRRR!!!!!!!”
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 10:24 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh choke!!
they absoultely gagged!!!
THEY CHOKED ON APPLE SAUCE AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I DID MY JOB
"We hugged as grown men do. It was a great moment. Then, it was business as usual." -- LJ Sr.
by millzners on May 21, 2009 9:58 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I WOULD RATHER H.R. PUFNSTUF WITH TEDDY RUXPIN AS HIS ASSISTANT, THAN YOU!!!
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 10:23 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I still get creeped out by Teddy Ruxpin
How children were ever able to cuddle with that thing or sleep with it in the room, I’ll never know.
by dawsonPSU10 on May 21, 2009 10:30 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I don't see why
They don’t have the tradition to hold our nuts
by psu on May 21, 2009 10:43 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
and THAT is probably my favorite part of the rant
it is really hard, though, to pick a favorite part. That’s like asking me to pick my favorite Nittany Lion from the 2008 team.
by The JuggerNitt on May 22, 2009 9:30 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
POLL ADDED
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 11:11 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Just found that the Mike Valenti rant posted above was part one. There is an mp3 of part two.
How this man was able to keep talking when his voice sounds like that of someone lost in the desert is completely beyond me. He goes on stretches of being tame and calm, but every now and then he loses his voice and goes nuts. And I’m only at about the 10 minute mark. It goes for about 28 minutes.
DESMOND HOWARD ON SATURDAY NIGHT! LAUGHIN’ AT US!!! CACKLIN’!!! (And then he does this just insane sound effect.)
37-21 IN A HURRRIRRICANE!!!
I GOT A CAR WHERE ALL FOUR OF MY SEATS ARE SOAKED! TWO DAYS LATER!
WIN THE GAME!
AM I ON POINT OR AM I CRAZY???
CACKLIN’!
I WANT ANSWERS!
http://www.irishroundtable.com/wp-content/MSU%20Rant%20Highlights.mp3
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 11:37 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
BURY THEM!!!!
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 11:38 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
My God
Around like the 12 min mark his co-host just thrashes him. This is awesome.
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 11:39 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
EVERYONE HAS TO LISTEN TO THIS
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 11:40 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I mean
He has no voice. It’s just insane.
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 11:44 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
THE TEA TASTES LIKE CRAP
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 11:44 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I'M SPECTACULAR TODAY
LATER ON I’M GONNA GET A WAX
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 11:44 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
His co-host says he sounds like a transvestite
This is INCREDIBLE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 11:47 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
It doesn’t matter what he says, his voice is so insane I laugh at everything.
DO SOMETHING
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 11:49 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
JUST ANOTHER GREAT DAY IN MY LIFE
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 11:51 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
COME AND SAY HI, PAUL
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 11:51 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
PUCKER PUCKER PUCKER
"Stats from the spring," he said when handed the numbers. "I can take those down to the spare bathroom in the house. We can put them to use down there."
- Paul Rhoads
by tseyb_06 on May 21, 2009 11:40 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
CACKLIN'!
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 11:42 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I bet you answered "I was bored"
on your own poll. 13/14 of the last 14 comments were from you, and you responded to yourself 3 times. I know it’s the off-season, but god damn.
by dawsonPSU10 on May 21, 2009 11:56 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
You act like there’s something wrong with that.
THE WHOLE COUNTRY’S CACKLIN’ AT US!!1
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 11:57 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
No, of course not
I’m as bored as anyone.
by dawsonPSU10 on May 22, 2009 1:35 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
And yes I did vote "I was bored"
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 21, 2009 11:58 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
It is kind of a sick practical joke on my part. Someone will come in here in the morning, think “Awesome, fresh comments to read! I bet there was a great debate!”
It’s a trap!
Tee hee hee.
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 22, 2009 12:00 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Yeah, that was me
Except I checked it because I don’t have anything better to do, not for a great debate.
by dawsonPSU10 on May 22, 2009 1:34 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I admit it - you trapped me.
That’s EXACTLY why I read this post. And now, because I’m so bored, I’m reading ALL the posts.
"The sea was angry that day, my friends." G. Costanza
by NJ lion on May 25, 2009 9:19 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
You say that as if he's never done that before ;)
See: many basketball threads.
"Even though it was bouncing, I knew it was so soft that it was just going to stay in," Battle said. "Then I ran around like a lunatic."
by bconway6 on May 22, 2009 1:40 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Mmm, bacon
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 22, 2009 2:00 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I really freakin hate Mark Dantonio
He seems like a real tool. No sir, I don’t like him.
Hey, this game is fun too and you can make it fun. --j. odrick
But I’m biased towards tailgating, as you may imagine. -ts
Ignore the accolades – just enjoy the games. -bb&w
by jtothep on May 22, 2009 12:11 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Ren Hoek Takes Sponge Bath!!!
'People are about as happy as they decide they want to be'
by Pete the Streak on May 22, 2009 5:17 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
No clip of John L Smith slapping himself?
We’re getting lazy, people…. that’s the greatest highlight in the history of MSU athletics.
by Tailgate Shogun on May 22, 2009 5:35 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Mark Dantonio, 3rd year, 16-10 at MSU, 34-27 overall.
Mark Dantonio took over in 2007 after the departure of John L. Smith.
Smith is a hyperlink to something…
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 22, 2009 8:11 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Personally I would have voted
“For my own safety”, you know, with that whole 50 Mt H-bomb headed this way.
by The JuggerNitt on May 22, 2009 9:33 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
True
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on May 22, 2009 3:02 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
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