[Two Three postscripts to this.  First, here's a quick history of Doyel's other Joe Paterno posts, and surprise!  They're pretty much the same.  Second, take in this MGoBlog post about John Calipari's dickish actions down at Kentucky. Gregg Doyel thinks this is totally fine.  To review: Joe Paterno, senile tyrant.  John Calipari, completely ethical.  Just so we're clear on Gregg Doyel's way of thinking.  6/23/09 update -- Third, this is obviously the action of a "selfish old man".]

I've been debating whether to address this, as it's already been detailed in Fanposts by ReadingRambler and psuphiman80, but I'd be neglecting my duties if I didn't call attention to the self-righteous idiocy of one Gregg Doyel, who currently has a blog entry on CBS Sportsline entitled "Joe Paterno, Selfish Old Man."  You can click if you want, it's okay.

Now, Joe Paterno doesn't exactly need me to defend him, but sometimes it's necessary and right to combat overbearing journalistic stupidity with the FJM Treatment:

Old isn't an insult, by the way. It's an adjective. If he were 35, I'd have titled this thing, "Joe Paterno, selfish young man."

Oh, well, "villainous" and "incompetent" aren't insults, by the way*.  If Doyel had any semblance of logic or decency, I'd have titled this thing, "Gregg Doyel, Minimally Coherent and Adequate Writer".

But he's old. And he's selfish. And why? Because he is campaigning for the Big Ten to expand by adding Syracuse, Pittsburgh or Rutgers. "Not in that order," he says.  Like the order matters. What matters is this: Those three schools already have a home -- the Big East.

Ahh, but Doyel is indeed villainous and incompetent.  Why?  Because nobody can be stupid enough to not account for the fact that there are a lot of Big East schools who used to call other conferences home, such as Louisville, Cincinnati, and South Florida.  This is reality.  Reality evolves.

But Paterno doesn't care about that. He's lobbying for his BCS league to grow, at the expense of another BCS league. We've been through this before, when the ACC knocked down fences and screwed up yards with its tractor by taking from the Big East for its big expansion. That was ugly. The ACC was selfish.  And now Paterno wants the Big Ten to be selfish, at the expense -- and possibly the death -- of the Big East.

I fail to understand why it is the job of Joe Paterno or Jim Delany to look out for the Big East.  Not their problem.  If Doyel was crying about the Big East poaching Louisville, Cincinnati and USF from poor little Conference USA a few years ago, well, good for him. It's still whiny and irrelevant.

But seriously, we're worried about the long-term viability of the Big East?  There isn't a football program among them that could've finished in the top three of any other BCS conference last season -- and that's being very, very charitable to the Big East, with the full-blown admission that the Big Ten isn't in the best condition right now. 

Classy, JoePa. Hey, wait. Is that a siren? Was another of your players just arrested?

An admonishment for Paterno not living up to Doyel's standards of classiness, followed by a douchey swipe at the man who has coached for over 40 years without even the hint of NCAA violations?  Well played, sir.  Well played.

It's a hit piece, and isn't not even a mediocre one.  It makes Outside The Lines look like Woodward and Bernstein.

Obviously the Big East is on shaky ground. No one's saying that league is in solid shape. It's waiting for a hyena to come pick at its struggling body, and Paterno is sharpening his greedy little teeth.

Beautiful.

Of course, "greedy" isn't an insult.  It's just an adjective.  If Doyel is so concerned for the poor widdle Big East, maybe he should encourage them to, I don't know, not suck.  Or do anything football-related that somebody other than Gregg Doyel might give a damn about.  But his post isn't intended to rush to defend the honor of the Big East -- it's just a vehicle from which he can take a very random swipe at Joe Paterno.

Conferences change.  Joe Paterno may be one of college football's greatest humanitarians, but he's not some sort of Football Jesus that can heal the blind and sick conferences of the world.  He's a Big Ten coach.  That's where his allegiance lies, unsavory and contentious as it may appear to be at times.  But he's apparently the asshole because he merely suggested(!) that a team like Syracuse, which was looking to bolt the Big East when the conference alignments were shuffled a few years ago, could be a good candidate for the Big Ten despite the fact that it might negatively impact Penn State's recruiting.

Honestly, what would happen if the Big Ten poached one current Big East team?  Big East teams schedule another non-conference game?  The horror!  A current Big East basketball-only member like Villanova, Georgetown, or (heh) Notre Dame would ramp up for football purposes?  The conference would poach another team a conference further down the football food chain, like Marshall, East Carolina, or Delaware?  O NOEZ.  

Retire already.

Yeah, yeah, listen to your own advice and all that.  Too easy.  The truth of the matter is, this is the worst kid of "flaming bag of dog crap on the porch" journalism, fueled by a desperate need for attention and web traffic.  But for future use, he could always take the advice of some of his commenters at CBS Sportsline:

Should he take the same approach to his recruiting? "Gee, I would really like the best middle linebacker prospect in the country to play for my Lions, but Purdue has had some down years... maybe I ought to let them have a crack at him instead?"

"Doyel's Dribbles" really applies to his father, who should have pulled out instead of foisting this incompetent and whiny malcontent upon the world. Talk about "selfish" -- Duh-yel's old man should have hand-jobbed instead.

I think I've figured out Doyel's purpose on CBS. He's a terrible writer and pretty much just a dumb blowhard that incites intelligent people to post about a subject. Thank God we have these threads after an article to read? Can you imagine if the site didn't allow that?

So here's a perfect example. Doyel writes a completely idiotic piece that makes no sense. It results in six or seven intelligent posts from people about the subject of expanding the Big Ten. So my time is not completely wasted thanks to the posters after the stupid article....thanks guys.

This man has donated almost as much money to Penn State University than the university has paid him throughout his 6 decades of employment with that same university. Calling Joe Paterno selfish for wanting to expand the Big 10 at the expense of the Big East is like calling Santa Claus greedy for eatting the all cookies left for him at the expense of the parents late night snacking.

I've been doing some research and just can't find what I'm looking for... can someone please direct me to the article this dumba** wrote bashing the bigeast for taking teams from Conference USA?  A mid level bigeast team like RU, Spitt, or Cuse leaving wouldn't destroy the conference by itself, they could just take another replacement from C-USA anyway.

Almost every comment on this board is about what a bad writer you are.  Hilarious.  If you have an agent or publicist you should double their salary for helping you to get a job.  Its truly amazing that our unemployment rate in the US is higher than its been in my lifetime, yet you still have a job. CBS, if a decision has to be made whether to layoff Skippy, the guys who cleans up trays in the CBS cafeteria, or Doyel, please make the right choice. What a joke. 

* - "Turd", however, remains an insult.