The Mr. and Mrs. RUTS Honeymoon.
by SweepTheLeg on Jun 12, 2009 3:58 PM EDT
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As many of you know RUTS is my brother, so I wanted to provide an update from St. Lucia.
He landed safely and is currently drinking and eating everything in sight, in fact he is going on a zip cord tour in the rain forest. God I hope the zip cord is strongly reinforced but then again if he dies I think I still get his insurance policy, I know he is too lazy to have already switched the names.
He actually needs some help from the BSD readers. RUTS is still a virgin and even though married for a few days he still didn't "close the deal".
Therefore, if anyone has any words of advice or can provide a pep talk the Mrs would be pleased...just trying to help a brother out.
Thanks in advance -
STL
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well, if your virgin rumor is true
then nothing happened (except perhaps an animal show?)
by The JuggerNitt on Jun 12, 2009 4:49 PM EDT up reply actions
Zug: “I impregnate chicks with my mind. The penis is for weak men.”
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
"I hope after touchdowns this year all our players just point at Zug." - jtothep
where is the fun in that?
If that worked for everyone I would have fathered over million children already.
Champion of the sun, master of karate and friendship for everyone.
Paterno: “THE PROPER WAY TO ENGAGE IN SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH A FEMALE OF OUR SPECIES IS TO READ THE WORKS OF PYTHAGORAS IN THEIR NATIVE GREEK. I IMPREGNATED SUE THIS WAY SEVERAL TIMES. EXCEPT FOR JAY.”
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
"I hope after touchdowns this year all our players just point at Zug." - jtothep
by ReadingRambler on Jun 12, 2009 4:56 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
RUTS said he was fat, so I'd have to agree about the deflowering
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
"I hope after touchdowns this year all our players just point at Zug." - jtothep
by ReadingRambler on Jun 12, 2009 6:38 PM EDT up reply actions
should he hang the rubber dude around his neck?
by The JuggerNitt on Jun 12, 2009 6:36 PM EDT up reply actions
he should
put the rubber dude on his flaccid member, make it like a mini rodeo, it’d make for a good conversation piece later in life
For the glory
Is that...
…a “Rocketeer” toy?
"Red, it took me sixteen years to get here. You play me, and I'll give ya the best I got."
My advice
It’s ok to cry. She’ll respect you more in the morning.
by The JuggerNitt on Jun 12, 2009 6:35 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
My advice:
Mrs. RUTS should think of StL & The Shogun during the “deed”. May make the 45 seconds of sex with RUTS go by a tiny bit faster. Poor girl. No one needs to suffer that way.
For the record, StL owned the speech. Alluded to the fact that there were stories galore, didn’t drop the dime on RUTS and his fondness for trannies or addiction to heroin. Kept it short, tossed a joke or two, made fun of his parents more than RUTS, and left the crowd wanting more. Perfect. Well, perfect until StL whipped out his bird and started peeing on the dance floor near the end, but for some odd reason the crowd was down with that. So, no demerits there.
In all, a sweet ass time. Can’t wait for RUTS’ second marriage, as the first was solid.
by Tailgate Shogun on Jun 12, 2009 10:49 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Wow
this is..just wow
but Congrats to ’em
"Want a donut go to dunkin donuts, want a linebacker go to Penn State." - Chris Carter
Probably too late for this advice
But I always tell young guys thinking of getting married to find a girl that likes to cook.
Because after you’re married for ten years, you only get sex three times a month, but you still eat three times a day.
Mike
Black Shoe Diaries
Three times a month!
Damn that would be sweet.
a friend's dad once told us
when we were in high school to: "
find a good woman that cooks and treats you right and it doesn’t matter what she looks like…. because they’re all going to get fat anyway"
dude even told us that in front of his old lady… laughed my ass off and will never forget that sage advice
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member
by TheMightyErik on Jun 16, 2009 1:45 AM EDT up reply actions
and the ones that don't get fat
aren’t any fun to be around, because they’re always bitching about how they can’t eat anything, and how hungry they are, and that they have to spend all their free time in the gym.
by The JuggerNitt on Jun 16, 2009 11:45 AM EDT up reply actions
even though married for a few days he still didn’t “close the deal”.
Now that’s some stamina
Penn Staters belong at Penn State. The problem with a lot of kids is they just don’t know they are Penn Staters yet. -jesse. @ BSD
by TheK-GunNeedsReloaded on Jun 13, 2009 10:31 AM EDT reply actions
WE SEE YOU AND WE HATE YOU.
Getting on the shuttle to the airport in 15 minutes — first to Miami, then to BWI. Still a virgin. Maybe next honeymoon. And here’s some proof that I, as we say in our family, definitely outkicked my coverage.
"Never. We would never shoot nuclear weapons at Decepticons." -- Gen. Jack Jacobs
by Run Up The Score on Jun 14, 2009 11:49 AM EDT reply actions
YOUR WIFE SOUNDS HOT!!!
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
"I hope after touchdowns this year all our players just point at Zug." - jtothep
by ReadingRambler on Jun 14, 2009 12:05 PM EDT up reply actions
You should have presented her with a bacon bouquet. Instant panty dropper.
Penn Staters belong at Penn State. The problem with a lot of kids is they just don’t know they are Penn Staters yet. -jesse. @ BSD
by TheK-GunNeedsReloaded on Jun 14, 2009 6:51 PM EDT up reply actions
Dude, there's a link with pictures
You can just look at them and determine if she’s hot. No need to imagine based on descriptions…
by Tailgate Shogun on Jun 14, 2009 5:14 PM EDT reply actions
Come on. You don’t know how long I was waiting to post that comment.
DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?
"I hope after touchdowns this year all our players just point at Zug." - jtothep
by ReadingRambler on Jun 14, 2009 6:00 PM EDT up reply actions
you were married on 06.06.09, congratulations
is that two dudes and a chick, or two chicks and a dude?
For the glory
RUTS has landed in the USA!!!!!
Still a virgin, still with Lego hair, and a bad ear infection…oh yeah almost forgot…still has crabs.
lego hair... nice... lol
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member
by TheMightyErik on Jun 16, 2009 1:49 AM EDT up reply actions
Looks different than I pictured him
I was thinking he would look like Soda Popinski. Not. Sure. Why?
by Screen Name 20 on Jun 16, 2009 7:39 AM EDT up reply actions
The crabs are new.
Or, I have two varieties now. These Caribbean crabs are motherfuckers.
"Never. We would never shoot nuclear weapons at Decepticons." -- Gen. Jack Jacobs
by Run Up The Score on Jun 16, 2009 8:32 AM EDT up reply actions
Of course he's back
Trying to stay off of this site (even when you’re in a tropical paradise) is like trying to keep Tyrone Biggums from a peanut butter and crack sandwich.
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