tWWL's College Football Frankenstein "Perfect" QB
by dawsonPSU10 on Jul 22, 2009 6:30 PM EDT
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PrintESPN, clearly with a dearth of material to publish/report actual sports news on, has finally found the "perfect" spread QB. He's not a man, he is men. His best attribute? He has four of them, not just one like other pathetic mortal college quarterbacks. Who is this mysterious man, you ask? He is Tim Tebow. He's also Colt McCoy. But wait: he's also Sam Bradford. Satisfied? Of course not, because this man is also Terrelle Pryor.
Yes, that's right loyal BSD readers. As if tWWL didn't already drool enough over each of these four athletes, they've now made their own dreams and wildest sexy fantasies come true and assembled the ultimate ESPN spread offense QB Playboy centerfold that they can now hide under their mattress so their Mom doesn't find it . They have taken science fiction and turned it into reality by creating Frankenstein. No, not the guy with the green skin, endless amounts of stitches and bolts in his neck, but a being possessing the most orgasmic, drool-tastic features of their favorite college QBs, and combined them into one. Their monster contains:
The Heart of Tim Tebow,
The Head of Sam Bradford,
The Arms of Colt McCoy,
and the Ovaries...I mean Legs of Terrelle Pryor.
Tremble before it's awesome majesty here. ESPN is clearly trying to create a rival to the Almighty Zug, and I'm positive the Emperor is not amused...
Now please excuse me while I go vomit.
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Do you have to spend four scholarships on that?
--
Order your copy of "We Are Penn State", like, now. One team, 128 pages.
by Run Up The Score on Jul 22, 2009 6:34 PM EDT reply actions
What, they didn't take Cryor's arms?
It takes a cannon to fire up arm punts of his magnitude.
Black Shoes. Basic Blues. No Name. All Game.
"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the mouth."
The heart of Tim Tebow?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHZAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, DANNY?
I was surprised they didn't go for the hands of Tebow
given his prior history of surgical skills in the Third World.
This is easy
The head of Kerry Collins
The heart of Zack Mills
The torso of Daryll Clark
The arms of Anthony Morelli
The fists of Kevin Thompson
The legs of Michael Robinson
DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, DANNY?
I really hope someone gets the Kevin Thompson one.
DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on Jul 22, 2009 7:43 PM EDT up reply actions
Fist Pump
Shouldn’t it be the fists of Daryll Clark so the fist pump can be done?
Although I don’t really get the Kevin Thompson thing, but I assume there is something behind it
Legend is that he punched JayPa before the ’99 Alamo Bowl…
DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on Jul 22, 2009 8:07 PM EDT up reply actions
Wow
They’re really grasping for material. It’s only July and they’re already lining these guys up, getting down on their knees, and making like a circus seal.
Luring recruits with my new "Posting HD" scheme since '08.
by 06Lion on Jul 22, 2009 7:36 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
+1 my friend
"The only cohesive passing game in the whole damn conference was in Happy Valley." -Rivalry Esq.
Wait a second
…so they’re saying this quarterback is half black…the half from the waist down?
Luring recruits with my new "Posting HD" scheme since '08.
“I’m tired of takin’ yall bitchass cracka’ food an shitin’ it!”
DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on Jul 22, 2009 7:42 PM EDT up reply actions
I mean, Pryor isn’t country, and ummm…
Forget it.
DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on Jul 22, 2009 7:43 PM EDT up reply actions
Darryl Clark's balls
Will teabag all four of those doucheabags.
There is nothing I want more out of this season than for pryor to hand us the game again with a critical turnover.
by speedomike on Jul 22, 2009 8:11 PM EDT via mobile reply actions
I dunno
I’d rather have the arm punts and legs of pryor be completely ineffective all game long leading us to a big victory, so that Ohio State fans won’t try to put the word barely anywhere near that game. But I wouldn’t say no to your way either.
by PSUisMyHeart on Jul 22, 2009 8:30 PM EDT up reply actions
Personally I hope Cryor and O$U barely lose to Penn State three times, then decides to come back for his senior season “to win a Big Ten Championship and beat Penn State”, then barely lose to Penn State again.
You can
have him. He’s very highly rated and touted. Put him on the field and see how he holds up there.
I’ll put all 20 stars “he” has up against Daryll Clark’s 2 any day.
I saw the BTN Short Stories piece on DC17...
What a great story. You can’t tell me that Tebow’s heart is any bgger than Clark’s – all because he lopped off some kids’ foreskins? I can’t wait for this season to start. By the way, the 1984 replay of BC at PSU was on afterwards. Always a treat to see Shane Conlin.
I would take
The arm of Pryor, the legs of Pryor, the ego of Pryor, and the head of Pryor. Soon you guys will see that he is so amazingly good even though he has not played a single decent game against a good team.
Yeah right
Remember when they called Charlie Weis the Super Genius Smartest Coach Evar?
Good times.
Mike
Black Shoe Diaries
Legs of TP?
I’d rather have the legs of Baylor’s Robert Griffin…way better runner and possibly the fastest QB ever to play the position.
"I'm not affraid to compete"
~Robert Bolden
Nittany Point of View
I was thinking the same thing
and I mean heck, if you’re just going for the legs, why even go for a QB. I assume they wanted to stick to current college players, so why not the legs of Jahvid Best (or even Evan Royster…he’s got great balance. I think I heard somewhere once that he got it from playing lacrosse, and was offered a LAX scholarship to play at Johns Hopkins…but I can’t place the source of that information…)
by The JuggerNitt on Jul 23, 2009 2:27 PM EDT up reply actions
I can't place a source either
But I know I’ve heard that. Johns Hopkins is a perennial lax powerhouse right? I know coaches like to look at basketball players that can play football but maybe they should start taking a look at lacrosse players too.
by PSUisMyHeart on Jul 23, 2009 7:12 PM EDT up reply actions
If we take Tebow's
heart do we get stuck with his wardrobe as well? Of course we could be stuck with Pryor’s white tux.
Sam Bradford does have dreamy eyes and the hair of a 100 fluffy bunny tails – or is that Colt McCoy.
One man doing the work of 100's for the good of 1000's
You're not badmouthing the jorts and mandals....
are you???
"The only cohesive passing game in the whole damn conference was in Happy Valley." -Rivalry Esq.
What?!? What do you mean people don't wear this anymore??? I'm bringing it back...
"I'm not affraid to compete"
~Robert Bolden
Nittany Point of View
This does not look photoshopped
So the mystery as to why he is dressed as a Roman is quite perplexing. My first guess is that it’s pageant for something from the bible, but why would he be playing a Roman, the guys that killed Jesus? You’d think he’d be playing Jesus in a bible pageant.
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