Jackassery
by Run Up The Score on Jan 13, 2010 10:14 AM EST
in Other Sports
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PrintWe don't cover women's track much here at BSD. And by "much", I mean "ever." Fine. But when Laura Nichols drops a lede like this, consider us hooked:
A touted track and field recruit faces a felony charge after police say she donkey-kicked an officer and stole vitamins from a downtown convenience store.
Hmm. Go on...
When police arrived, Britton was sitting on the floor inside the store and refused to get up, according to police reports. Officers tried to escort Britton out of the store to a police car, but as they were walking through the store, Britton let her body go limp and fell to the ground, police said.
If you've ever seen COPS, you've seen the "go limp and fall to the ground" trick. Always brilliant, always entertaining. It's never enough to be led away from a crime scene by a police officer. Make that cop earn his paltry paycheck and have him carry you to the squad car. But as we already know, the shenanigans didn't end there.
Britton was lifted back up and taken outside, but refused to get into the back seat of the vehicle and tried to pull away, police said. It was then Britton "donkey-kicked" Officer E.J. Kessinger, who sustained minor injuries to the lower left leg and left wrist, police said.
Hell, yes. That is how you parlay a summary retail theft charge (here's a $250 fine, don't do that again!) into felony aggravated assault (you know, you'd look great in County Orange!).
Evonne Britton, left, vitamin enthusiast and donkey-kicker extraordinaire.
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"Laura Nichols". Yeah, sure.
RUTS, you shouldn’t link to yourself.
"We've gotta execute! We've gotta have fun out there!" - Ed DeChellis
by ReadingRambler on Jan 13, 2010 10:18 AM EST reply actions
Wow, I don't even....wow
"We've gotta execute! We've gotta have fun out there!" - Ed DeChellis
by ReadingRambler on Jan 13, 2010 3:13 PM EST up reply actions
So much YES
"Have I ever told the story of when I met Miley Cyrus?"
by Jeff Junstrom on Jan 13, 2010 3:21 PM EST up reply actions
Forcier Douchiness head + Officer Dangle body = Forever win
But we all know the Hullstache would never let anyones fist near his face.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Jan 13, 2010 3:32 PM EST up reply actions
Ahh, yes...
But as you notice, the ever gallant Hullstache, in a daring display of iron-jawed chivalry, not witnessed since the Battle of Hastings in 1066 (take that, Rambler), absorbs the Equus asinus lambasting with nary a flinch, before allowing the female officer, mouth agape, to affect the arrest. The Hullstache would never raise his hand to a woman.
by Pentimental on Jan 13, 2010 6:07 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
Wow. Hastings.
So obscure.
Now, the commander of the Saxon army. Harold Godwinson. That’s obscure.
"We've gotta execute! We've gotta have fun out there!" - Ed DeChellis
by ReadingRambler on Jan 13, 2010 8:58 PM EST up reply actions
No, no...
Baby steps. More obscure was his great grandfather, Olof Björnsson, a King of Sweden, but, it begs the question: before the Internet tubes, how much obscurity could you bring to the table? Obscure would be knowing the University of Wisconscon – Whitewater’s mascot off the yop of your head. Or, maybe, the starting center for Paterno’s ‘66 Lions. Googlywiki ain’t shiite! Haha.
by Pentimental on Jan 14, 2010 12:38 AM EST via mobile up reply actions
Wisconsin-Whitewater? You're making that up.
"We've gotta execute! We've gotta have fun out there!" - Ed DeChellis
by ReadingRambler on Jan 14, 2010 11:05 AM EST up reply actions
Donkey punching...
…happens after you get to jail.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Jan 13, 2010 4:23 PM EST up reply actions
But never...
In any 70s female prison flicks starring a varying array of braless, heaving ingénues.
by Pentimental on Jan 13, 2010 6:16 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
With a story like that..
And a continuing cast of intersting stock characters, the Photoshops “write” themselves.
by Pentimental on Jan 13, 2010 6:17 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
With a story like that..
And a continuing cast of intersting stock characters, the Photoshops “write” themselves. Thanks, though.
by Pentimental on Jan 13, 2010 6:17 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
Also, I had an interesting debate about the proper spelling of "LEDE" the other day.
The intentional misspelling was a trick used to keep the word “Lead” from actually getting put into print by the setter, but now that the process has changed so much, a lot of places are using “Lead” again. I like tradition, so I fought for Lede, but they other guy had a point because it’s kind of not really a word.
I know about your diabolical plan.
I thought about "lede vs. lead" for too long, I admit.
Twitter: @scrappled
scrappled.com
"When it’s third-and-10, you can take the milk drinkers and I’ll take the whiskey drinkers every time" - Max McGee
by Run Up The Score on Jan 13, 2010 10:21 AM EST up reply actions
why would anyone care if the word "lead" was put into print by the setter?
by The JuggerNitt on Jan 13, 2010 11:12 AM EST up reply actions
Because you told the guy this:
Lead: A touted track and field recruit faces a felony charge after police say she donkey-kicked an officer and stole vitamins from a downtown convenience store.
and so they might actually print:
Lead: A touted track and field recruit faces a felony charge after police say she donkey-kicked an officer and stole vitamins from a downtown convenience store.
When they should have printed:
A touted track and field recruit faces a felony charge after police say she donkey-kicked an officer and stole vitamins from a downtown convenience store.
So you’d tell the guy:
Lede: A touted track and field recruit faces a felony charge after police say she donkey-kicked an officer and stole vitamins from a downtown convenience store.
And since you told him to never, ever, print the “word” lede, he screwed up less.
I know about your diabolical plan.
we used "lede" at the Daily Collegian
NittanyWhiteOut.com. Arguably the second best Penn State blog I know of.
So
Madiera is still in office right? This should end well.
"We hugged as grown men do. It was a great moment. Then, it was business as usual." -- LJ Sr.
Negative. Stacey Parks-Miller was sworn in last week.
/end football-player witch hunt
Bacon is almost as great as being a Penn Stater
She's like an anti-witch
Or Glenda, the good witch of the North.
"We just forgot our pants. Nothing against the team or anything like that." -- take a guess
DOES NOT WANT DONKEY KICK!!
"Have I ever told the story of when I met Miley Cyrus?"
by Jeff Junstrom on Jan 13, 2010 10:29 AM EST up reply actions
Is getting Donkey kicked worse than Donkey punched?
by SweepTheLeg on Jan 13, 2010 12:44 PM EST up reply actions
Depends on where you're standing
"In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
Oh, it's funnier than funny.
Twitter: @scrappled
scrappled.com
"When it’s third-and-10, you can take the milk drinkers and I’ll take the whiskey drinkers every time" - Max McGee
by Run Up The Score on Jan 13, 2010 10:37 AM EST up reply actions
And
does it really matter whether Madiera is still sitting in office…and like RUTS stated, good thing Womens Track is an unknown…probably not now.
WE'RE THUG U
The only way this story could get worse would be if she had crack in her pocket.
Mike
Black Shoe Diaries
If by worse, you mean better, then yes.
Although there wasn’t a time listed in the article, so that could add to the hilarity. I’m not sure which would be worse…2 am on Saturday, or noon on Wednesday
"Have I ever told the story of when I met Miley Cyrus?"
by Jeff Junstrom on Jan 13, 2010 11:05 AM EST up reply actions
Well
Looks like we’re about to get a real early look at how Parks-Miller is going to handle these sort of things.
My bet is a plea deal consisting of some combination of restitution, anger classes, and 12-18 months probation.
That's evidence, homey. Keep that under lock and key!
"Have I ever told the story of when I met Miley Cyrus?"
by Jeff Junstrom on Jan 13, 2010 11:03 AM EST up reply actions
It's funny....
anytime a “donkey kick” is involved.
Never mistake effort for achievement.
by Esteban d' Amur on Jan 13, 2010 10:55 AM EST reply actions
Is it wrong that I initially thought it said
“donkey punch” not kick?
Black Shoes. Basic Blues. No Name. All Game.
"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the mouth."
by Roland86 on Jan 13, 2010 10:59 AM EST via mobile up reply actions
Not one bit.
"Have I ever told the story of when I met Miley Cyrus?"
by Jeff Junstrom on Jan 13, 2010 11:03 AM EST up reply actions
Agreed.
Never mistake effort for achievement.
by Esteban d' Amur on Jan 13, 2010 11:37 AM EST up reply actions
When I saw the title of the thread
I thought for sure I would be reading about Lane Kiffin (or Mark Dantonio)
When I went to Penn State
Donkey Kicking was very trendy, she was probably just trying to revive a proud 80’s tradition and the cops took it wrong.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby
ZOMG JOEPA IS LOSING CONTROL OF OTHER PROGRAMS
by TheK-GunNeedsReloaded on Jan 13, 2010 12:48 PM EST via mobile reply actions 1 recs
She should have took a ride on the Tazer.
I hope the cop face planted her for her actions.
Who knows, she might have been having a medical episode also…but I do know under my former agency’s use of force policy…if you kick me….you are about to have a very bad day.
Very bad day if someone kicked you?
What would you do? Sweep the leg?
Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face
possibly.
You punch/kick a cop, in most cases it doesn’t end well. I was the king of giving people breaks for all kinds of things but you can’t spit / piss / $hit / punch / kick me or my partner.
by SweepTheLeg on Jan 13, 2010 12:58 PM EST up reply actions
That's why I love watching Cops/America's Most Wanted/those Spike programs about idiot criminals
My absolute favorites are the “Excessive Force” specials. You just KNOW the Tazer is coming out.
"Have I ever told the story of when I met Miley Cyrus?"
by Jeff Junstrom on Jan 13, 2010 2:59 PM EST up reply actions
Just beautiful
I knew it would be something glorious that would bring RUTS Professional Edition back to the front page, and this post could fill dumptrucks with its glory. Thank you, Miss Evonne!
"We just forgot our pants. Nothing against the team or anything like that." -- take a guess
And what was the name of the DA who vanished?
"We've gotta execute! We've gotta have fun out there!" - Ed DeChellis
by ReadingRambler on Jan 13, 2010 1:50 PM EST up reply actions
HELLO, THIS IS STEPHEN A. SMITH CALLING FOR OUTSIDE THE LINES.
We are gonna shock them with 5,000 mega watts of raw ROO POWER.
I nearly just punched a hole through my moniter where that picture was.
Black Shoes. Basic Blues. No Name. All Game.
"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the mouth."
Remember when
ESPN cut to him during the whole OTL nonsense as a kind of “local expert” event though he’s from Philly and never once paid any attention to college football let alone the locker room culture of Penn State?
Ah, good times.
I know about your diabolical plan.
Yeah and he was calling for Joe Pas head.
Anyone that yells as much as he does has some kind of inferiority complex. Douchea.
Black Shoes. Basic Blues. No Name. All Game.
"Everyone has a plan, until they get punched in the mouth."
It's the offseaon
I think you need to petition for her to be added to the football team for the initial points of the 2010 Fulmer cup.
Because donkey kick would totally earn you a bonus Fulmer point
It never gets to be easy
Wait Don't we need a new punter???
"A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week. "
George S Patton
Anyone get word on what time of day this happened?
Curious about this.
by Tailgate Shogun on Jan 14, 2010 7:23 PM EST reply actions
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