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James Cagney and Gene Chizik win Home Depot Coach of the Year

Whiteheat_medium 

Cagney, seen above, grabbed his award, shouted, "Top of the world, Cam!", and exploded.

Dec 10, 9:19 AM EST

James Cagney and Gene Chizik win 2010 Coach of the Year

by READINGRAMBLER

Disassociated Press Special Correspondent

LAKE BUENA VISTA, Florida, United States of America (DP) -- Another award is coming down the Plains for Auburn University's football program.

It has been a long road for Gene Chizik. Fighting through adversity the likes of which few college football coaches have fathomed, Chizik has gone from laughingstock to corporate-sponsored legend - all in less than two years.

Said Roger Ebert: "It's really a brilliant move by Home Depot to jointly award this honor. Afterall, the parallels are there. If you read about Auburn and that mysterious Gus Malzahn guy, Chizik is basically just acting. Plus, like Cagney in 'White Heat', Chizik will probably explode into a million pieces in the end."

The comparisons do not fit perfectly, however, according to Ebert.

"Sadly, Cam Newton talks in the third person and is not even close to the level of Edmond O'Brien. He's not a good supporting actor at all."

In his press conference after accepting the Home Depot Coach of the Year, Chizik was both honest and gracious.

"I see what they did here. They gave Kelly the Eddie Robinson Coach of the Year award - you know, the award with an actual coach's name instead of [censored; no swearing of any kind allowed in the era in which Cagney made films] Home Depot."

James Cagney was unavailable for comment because he is dead. And that, folks, is the real tragedy of this story. As Cam Newton said, "Cam thinks it's nice that Cagney was only pretending to be bad."

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