FanPost

William Wesley named 2010 Heisman Trophy winner

Dec 4, 8:55 PM EST

William Wesley named 2010 Heisman Trophy winner

by READINGRAMBLER

Disassociated Press Special Correspondent

NEW YORK, New York, United States of America (DP) -- In a stunning early announcement, William "Worldwide" Wesley, the record setting booster for Generic Scumbag University, was awarded the 2010 Heisman Trophy. Wesley took the award over such competitors as Auburn's Innocent Until Proven Guilty, some guy from Oregon, and a couple of other guys.

Sitting in a basketball recruit's basement with said recruit's greedy protection racket boss/uncle and a Disassociated Press reporter, Wesley took the call from New York on his cell phone. Wesley was unable to reach New York, but he was able to give the shortest speech in Heisman Trophy history via cell phone.

"One ring to rule them all. One ring to find them. One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them in the land of the South where the shadows lie."

The announcement came as a shock, but college football analysts and others were quickly able to offer an explanation.

Noted college football writer Richard [REDACTED] said, "This award was given to symbolize to William Wesley that Penn State is not elite and that the average college football fan and writer knows where the power lies in this sport.

Former FBI head J. Edgar Hoover, who is currently dead, is said to have smiled and written something in a mysterious black book.

As for Wesley, there is no speculation, only joy.

"I told Ed Martin before he died that I would make him proud. This one's for you, Ed!"

You created a Fanpost! Any content from a premium site that requires a subscription will be deleted once we catch wind of it. If you simply want to share a link, quote, or video, please consider using Fanshots instead. Thanks.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Black Shoe Diaries

You must be a member of Black Shoe Diaries to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Shoe Diaries. You should read them.

Join Black Shoe Diaries

You must be a member of Black Shoe Diaries to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Shoe Diaries. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9347_tracker