HATE HATE HATE: Kent State Golden Flashes Preview

 


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AAAHHH WTF!!! IS IT LIGHTNING? IS IT A BIRD? GET YOUR LIGHTNING BIRD AWAY FROM ME!!!

Usually we try to do a Q&A with an opposing blogger on Thursdays, but as luck would have it there doesn't seem to be any Kent State bloggers on the entire internet. I know, right? So here is my attempt to tell you everything you need to know about Kent State.

Location

Okay, raise your hand if you knew that Kent State was in Indiana. Okay, now put your hand down you dolt because you're wrong. Kent State is actually located in Kent, Ohio. This explains why you have always hated them but could never quite put your finger on why.

Now, I'm no genius, but if it's in the city of Kent, why isn't it called Kent City College instead of Kent State? What a bunch of posers. Not that you care, but Kent is located just west of Youngstown which makes Kent State the official little brother of the team Penn State destroyed 44-14 in week one. So enjoy this one.

Mascot

Kent State goes by the nickname of The Golden Flashes, which I'm not sure but I might have seen done once in a porno movie my roommate rented back in college. If it's what I'm thinking, I'm pretty sure it's illegal in 39 states. Ohio obviously not being one of them.

Why they call themselves the Golden Flashes I do not know. Why one flash wasn't sufficient is beyond me. For some reason they needed multiple flashes. So be warned. Overexposure to this team may cause epileptic seizures.

Coaching

The Golden Flashes are under sixth year coach Doug Martin who is 47 years old and sports a 24-46 record. So if you take all of his career wins and multiply them by 16, he still doesn't have as many coaching victories as Joe Paterno. Prior to joining the Kent State staff in 2003, Martin coached for 11 seasons as an assistant coach and offensive coordinator at East Carolina.

Halftime

Let's take a break from this post. For your halftime entertainment, please put your hands together for the Kent State Marching Golden Flashes!

Oh God, they play Hey Baby too? Can't we come together as a culture and put a stop to this?

Noteable Alumni

On the Kent State University Wikipedia page the first two alumni they list are Drew Carey and Arsenio Hall, which tells you just about everything you need to know about their educational system there. But they do have some noteable football alumni. ESPN analyst Lou Holtz is a graduate of the university, and so is Alabama coach Nick Saban. After the the thrashing the Nittany Lions endured at the hands of the Crimson Tide last weekend, I fully expect Penn State to make Saban's alma mater pay dearly for his crimes against huma-Nitt-y.

Season Recap

The Golden Flashes put a good old 44-10 beatdown on FCS opponent Murray State in week one. Which goes to show that even plankton can find amoeba to feed on. Quarterback Spencer Keith, who totally sounds like the douchebag fraternity guy that wears the flipped up collar, threw for 275 yards and 3 touchdowns in the win. Sam Kirkland was his favorite target catching nine passes for 126 yards and a touchdown.

The bad news for the Golden Flashes is sometimes you go to swallow down that amoeba, but not before he latches on to your hand and bites off a finger. In the course claiming their victory their star running back Eugene Jarvis pulled a groin and had to come out. His status this week is listed as day-to-day. This guy sat out most of the season with a lacerated kidney last year, so he's a gamer. But it's sounding like he isn't going to play on Saturday.

In week two the Golden Flashes took a 26-13 beating against Boston College. Without Jarvis in the game the Flashes only managed four yards rushing. Jarvis is also Kent State's primary punt returner, and without him the Flashes fumbled the ball away three punt returns. Keith came back down to earth only passing for 201 yards, 1 TD, and 2 INT on 23-of-36 passing.

What do they do well?

Kent State currently leads the nation in rushing defense. I'll wait while you rub your eyes and read that again. It's not a misprint. Kent State leads the nation in rushing defense. Their defensive line is pretty tenacious as they are also tenth in the nation in sacks and fifth in the nation in tackles for loss. So those of you expecting Evan Royster to get it in gear this week may be disappointed. Don't be surprised if the calls for Silas Redd get a little louder next week.

Also, outside of the three fumbled punts last week, Kent State looks pretty good on special teams averaging over 30 yards per kick return and over 41 yards in net punting.

What don't they do well?

The Flashes rank 112th in rushing offense, and without Jarvis the Penn State defense should have no problems in shutting them down. Kent State has also had problems protecting the ball and rank 108th in turnover margin on the year. Couple this with the Penn State defense that hasn't forced a turnover all year and we have a classic case of the resistible force against the moveable object. It's basically a sponge floating in zero gravity.

Their pass defense is also suspect, but not terrible. So it should pose a good opportunity for Robert Bolden to face some challenges and have success.

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