Finally [EDITED to properly reflect PSU football]

First edition of this post:

Joe always says never look past an opponent. Well, we don't have to worry about that anymore.

I will first say thanks and good luck to the Youngstown State Penguins. Thanks for signing up for the slaughter. You guys played pretty well. Tell your coach to cut out the moronic roughing the passer penalties and you should be allright in whatever league you play in.

Now we move on to Alabama. I don't think we're going to win. But that doesn't bother me. Our guys will do just fine anyway. They will do what they always do: they will execute to the best of their abilities, they will tackle, and they will represent all of us Penn Staters well. That is all we can really ask of them, isn't it?

We are Penn State!

Second, revised edition, after an awakening courtesy of 06Lion:

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH BABY

Nick Saban is the suck!

Check out the record, JoePa vs. Suckban: http://football.stassen.com/cgi-bin/records/opp-opp.pl?start=1995&end=1999&team1=Penn+State&team2=Michigan+State

Losing record! He's going down!

Next up: Alabama's defense! Suckitude again! Only your agents can save you, and you know what? Agents suck! Jerry McGuire was horrible! It was a chick flick! Thus Alabama is a chickflick! Alabama is Tom Cruise. I think that makes Bear Bryant Jack Nicholson!

Alabama with Bear Bryant:

Awesome!

Alabama without Bear Bryant:

Not so awesome!

What about their offense?

SUCK!

Mark Ingram is injured and he sucks anyway! Trent Richardson has an average name. Thus, average player.

Greg McElroy is the Suckelroy! Atticus Finnish (I hated English class) or whatever could outplay him. Scout Finnish would destroy Suckelroy.

What about us?

AWESOME! Even if he is lazy, Royster is like a rock rolling downhill. He collects moss! And moss is slippery, very hard to tackle.

Our linebackers are white! What a novelty! Alabama will not be prepared for this.

Our safeties will lull you to sleep with their average playing style. Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep Little Sab-JACK CRAWFORD JUST STEPPED ON YOUR THROAT

Summary:

AFTER WE DESTROY ALABAMA courtesy of 350 Bolden passing yards, I'm going to sing this all night long:

THAT LEAVES ONLY SABAN TO BLAME CAUSE BEAR TRIED WOOOO

YEAH, SEE YOU ON SATURDAY, GIRLS!