Joe Paterno press conference

Note: I did not watch Joe's post-game press conference. But I have the amazing capability(!) to know exactly what was said by all of those involved. And, just for your spectating pleasure, I have added "What Joe actually thinks" and "What Joe actually does".

Media jackal: "Joe, you stuck with McGloin through the whole game. Is he now going to get exclusive reps?"

Joe: "They're both really good players, so it's a luxury we have BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH but, no, you're reading something into it, I haven't made up my mind BLAH BLAH."

What Joe actually thinks: "I played him for the whole game, you incompetent antelope, isn't it then fairly obvious that I trust McGloin to actually score points so the defense has time to adjust? Do you think I would inform you of my intentions? What right have you to know of my intentions? You are an animal. I am a human. I am more of a Pennsylvanian than you and I was not born in the Commonwealth. You are not worthy to breath the air through which, in an ideal state, my spit would fly towards your face. Infidel. What is the Italian equivalent of infidel? I've forgotten. In any case, I utterly despise all of you."

What Joe actually does: Plays McGloin almost exclusively for remaining games, claims he "hasn't picked one guy"

Media jackal: "How much of an impact do you think Persa's injury had on the game?"

Joe: "Aw, he's a heckuva kid, we could hardly stop him, BLAH BLAH BLAH THE WHOLE FREAKING BIT BLAH."

What Joe actually thinks: "I will answer your mewling statement disguised as a question by offering an anecdote. One day, this August, while Tom was coaching his fine defensive charges, I walked up to him and asked him if he had heard what my great friend Bobby Knight had said about critics. Tom said he had not. So I told him what my great friend Bobby Knight said about critics. He said, 'I want them to bury me upside-down so my critics can kiss my ass.' Does this answer your question in a manner you find satisfactory?"


Media jackal: What was the main difference in this game for your team?

Joe: "The score."

What Joe actually thinks: "The score."

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