Freshly issued statement from Penn State:

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Statement from Dave Joyner, Penn State Acting Director of Athletics

Dec. 22, 2011

"As we head into the holidays, I wanted to share an update on the search for the next head football coach at Penn State. We are continuing to talk with individuals that we're interested in and work through the interview process. As I'm sure all can appreciate, this is a very important hire for Penn State and, as a result, the search committee is taking a very deliberate and measured approach to the process in order to identify the coach that best fits the requirements of the position.

"We look forward to introducing our new football coach at the appropriate time. In the interim, I'd like to wish everyone happy holidays as well as remind all Penn Staters to support our team and its 23 seniors as they compete against the 12-1 Houston Cougars in the TicketCity Bowl in Dallas on January 2nd."

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Obvious anxiety throughout fanbase, acknowledged. This should soothe the worries of...absolutely nobody, especially now that Penn State is the only vacant job in the nation with Terry Bowden's apparent hire at Akron.

We remain at their mercy. Potential outcomes continue to range between OMG BIG FISH and Ron Zook.