T'was the night before Christmas and all through State College,
not a creature was stirring, to anyone's knowledge.
The fans struggled on, feeling mostly morose,
For most football pundits were overly verbose.
The destruction of PSU seemed their desire,
They threw all our hopes on a funeral pyre.
Now it seemed that my wife was feeling quite randy,
and dressed in only a kerchief, she was looking quite dandy!
Yet lost in despair, I had to say, "No."
I was drawn to watch another lame sportscast show.
Then what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a great new announcement bringing much cheer!
It seemed a famed person would be our new coach,
and throngs awaited his impending approach!
He would come to Penn State attracting top recruits by the dozen,
and each would bring with him a heralded five-star cousin!
On the gridiron he would win great fame and glory,
And I knew in an instant this was one hell of a story.
Then inside the house there arose a loud noise,
and I was torn from my dreaming by our unruly boys.
My wife was asleep, still swathed in layers of flannel,
and my dream disappeared like a snuffed out candle.
While this season is supposed to bring such great cheer,
it will only bring happiness if a new coach appears.
So I'll drink eggnog and whiskey by the glass full,
and hope that all your Christmases are mirthful!
In closing I wish you a merry holiday,
and together we'll cheer our new coach someday.