FanPost

Michael Zordich Mustache Facts


Here are some facts about the ZordStache to prepare you for the season.

  • Michael Zordich did not grow the ZordStache, the ZordStache grew Michael Zordich.
  • The ZordStache is considered both an illegal benefit and performance enhancer by the NCAA, but they are too afraid to post any sanctions.
  • While Michael Zordich only plays on offense, the ZordStache plays both offense and defense.  At the same time.
  • The ZordStache keeps away the Angry Knee Hating Fullback God.
  • The ZordStache will be selected #1 overall in the 2012 NFL Draft by the Buffalo Bills.  Buffalo goes on to win 4 of the next 5 Superbowls. 
  • Penn State Pro Combat unis don't exist because anytime the ZordStache is forced to model one it bursts into flames.
  • Graham Spanier has secretly anointed the ZordStache the next head coach in waiting after Joe Paterno retires.
  • Graham Spanier had no choice in the matter.
  • The ZordStache is the only father-son mustache duo to be coached by Joe Paterno.  And yes, that means the ZordStache is its own father.
  • The earthquake in VA was originally an 8.6, but the ZordStache told it to settle the eff down.
  • The ZordStache invented the West Coast Offense for Bill Walsh so it could scoff at it while running the Power I.
  • The ZordStache runs a variation of the Cover 3, where it covers 4/3rds of the field.
  • The ZordStache doesn't care about math.
  • Brandon Ware and the ZordStache once competed against each other in an eating contest.  The loser had to leave Penn State.
  • The ZordStache lines up 20 yards off the receiver.  No one has completed a pass against it to this day.
  • When Terrell Pryor said "Everybody kills, steals, murders..." he was actually referring to the ZordStache.
  • The AP Preseason Poll actually lists the ZordStache as #1-25.  What they publish are just the remaining schools on the list.
  • The ZordStache never "buckles up".
  • Pitt originally claimed 9 National Championships.  Now the ZordStache claims them all.
  • The ZordStache can, and will, step it up.

 

You created a Fanpost! Any content from a premium site that requires a subscription will be deleted once we catch wind of it. If you simply want to share a link, quote, or video, please consider using Fanshots instead. Thanks.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Black Shoe Diaries

You must be a member of Black Shoe Diaries to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Shoe Diaries. You should read them.

Join Black Shoe Diaries

You must be a member of Black Shoe Diaries to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Shoe Diaries. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9347_tracker