Your Week One Totally Serious Football Odds

Game weeks are finally back, and that can only mean one thing: Weekly predictions galore in the blogosphere. Now, we here at BSD have grown weary of such a drab, bland, and overdone explanations about why Team X will cover the spread against Team Y. Instead, we prefer to touch on the greater nuances of college football, many of which will have no impact whatsoever on the final score. Thus, we bring you heavy doses of "teh snark" in Totally Serious Football Odds.

The premise is simple. Every week, the BSD staff (well, namely Chris, Peter, and myself) pitches around ideas and we put them up for you, the readers to debate amongst yourselves in the comments section below. Without further ado, here are your lines for the opening weekend of the 2011 college football season:

 

  • Number of times Al Golden will pathetically attempt to put up the facade that he is committed to riding out the storm at Miami (Over/Under 25)
  • Gallons of spittle Lou Holtz will spew on College Scoreboard Final alone (O/U 3)
  • Number of times Nick Saban poormouths one of his own players in the post-game presser after Alabama beats Kent State by 90. (O/U 14)
  • Number of times Bret Bielema references "the card" after going for 2 in the 4th quarter against UNLV with a 34 point lead. (O/U 3)
  • Fistbumps on the Ohio State sideline between Fickell and VraBRO (aka Mike Vrabel). NOTE: Fistbumps must immediately be blown up (O/U 22)
  • Did Craig James allegedly kill five hookers during his time at SMU?
    YES (-10000)
    NO (+7500)
  • Ruptured Purdue ACL's against Middle Tennessee State (O/U 8.5)
  • Face masks angrily grabbed by Bo Pelini with a 35+ point lead against UT-Chattanooga (O/U 14.5)
  • How many times will Bo Pelini call the back judge's wife "a rotting, toothless meth-whore"? (O/U 9.5)
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