I have just recieved some reliable source news about how the Search Committee has been plaing out over the last few weeks at Dear Old State. This is very reliable news from an inside/conected, booster/employee/golf buddy of Joyner and Labert. This is what we know so far: When the news came down that JoePa was fired and that there would be a search committee formed to find the replacement for the legendary coach, Joyner, a former BoT member took it upon himself to become the interim AD. After some talk with his former wrestling buddy Ira Lambert, Joyner set out to form a Search Committee to do some leg work while he and Ira work on some other criteria. This is where my informant has come in handy, I will call him Mr. S from now on. Mr. S tells me that once the search committee provides Joyner and Ira their ideas and candidates, both Joyner and Ira set about how to pick the perfect candidate for PSU. Mr. S states "It was sometime around mid-December where these two started their real work." When I asked what he meant, he went on; "There was something wierd about this entire search for a new coach that just seemed a bit off to me, until I finally saw it first hand." Mr.S goes on to state to me that Joyner and Ira were seen in the Lasch building with all the possible candidates seated at a large round table, sort of like what you would imagine for a Knight of the Round table vibe. He explained to me that he was hiding in a closet, ensures me it was by accident, that he finally figured out why this search was taking so long. "It seems that both Joyner and Ira were huge fans of reality TV." I asked Mr. S what this meant, since it seemed odd to me, and he stated that, "Joyner specifically wanted to conduct and find the new candidate like this was the Bachelor." I immediatelly laughed at him and thought he was joking, but Mr. S insisted that this was indeed what was happening. "They would get all the possible candidate together late at night and have then do little things for them throughout the week, like cooking meals for everyone, writing poetry and decorating Christmas trees for them." Mr. S goes on to state that, "Towards the end of the week, Joyner and Ira would then confer and provide a blue rose to those candidates that they felt had meet their tasks throughout the week, and those who didn't recieve a rose were then charge to leave the building and to show their loyalty for the process, immediately make up a rumor about who the new coach would be to any news outlet they could find, anonymous of course." When I pressed Mr. S for some names to who was a possible candidate he could only tell me what Joyner and Ira were calling them, apparently they gave all the candidates a fake name and made them wear a face mask so that they would not be influenced. He stated "The names were all over the places, from someone called Darth Vader, to Mr. Turtle, to Roger Smith, and even Cyd Charisse. All the names were completely random and something that Joyner really enjoyed." This information was gathered at extreme peril to both myself and moreso to Mr. S. So when the coach is fianlly named, hopefully in the up coming days, you will know that the coach had to go to hell and back to prove that he was indeed the perfect fit for PSU and more specifically Joyner and his buddy Ira.
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