For the past two months, I have been fairly level headed and cautiously optimistic when trying to deal with everything. This morning my husband sent me a link to a stupid article (ironically found on this website) not realizing that it might be my last straw. Below is my email response to him. He suggested I post this on BSD.

“I’m just frustrated with it. I don’t like feeling like the Worst Day Ever - Part II is going to happen at any moment. I wish some alarm in the sky will go off when they have announced a press conference so I don’t have to be monitoring all the websites like an addict.

The more I think about all the assistant coaches and GAs, the more it hurts. I just can’t imagine the depth of their emotions right now. I mean, they might lose EVERYTHING they have worked so hard to create. If/When they are finally told this is the end of their time at Penn State, “thank you for your years for service, please see your way out the door,” in that one moment, everything, their family, their life’s work, will be stolen from them. Their grief must be immense. On top of that there has to be a mountain of anger and frustration at so many people – JS, the administration, the BoT, state officials, etc. everyone who has responsibility but who is not receiving any of the punishment. There also has to be a lot of fear and uncertainty with their futures – how they will provide for their families, where they will live, will they ever be able to coach or be a part of a football program? Yet, all they can do publicly is continue to work hard, strive to do everything they possibly can with what little time they have left to support the team and the school, and put on a happy face to keep everything together. It’s just so crazy.

And then, there are all the alumni and students who have been walking around in a fog because the world as we have known it no longer exists and on top of that, our family has been torn apart. We have been convicted along with all the true criminals in this saga. We have to be on edge, armed with every fact, every truth we can glean from all the misinformation, prepared to defend ourselves and our family for something we had no part. This is all we can do to try to salvage something we love so much from people who find joy in tearing us down. Our family has been damaged, and the worst part is that the initial attack was from the inside and we are continuing to be attacked from those who ‘have our best interest at heart.’ We don’t know if we can trust the institution that once was the glue that held us all together. We are uncertain if we will ever be able to have that same pride and joy in our school and our team because people who have broken our trust and confidence are the ones that continue to be in positions of power determining our family’s future.

And all of this for what? Because some creepy guy decided to do his evil deeds on campus. I can’t even comprehend how horrendous this all this.”