FanPost

Attention Philadelphians

The (yes, the) ReadingRambler plans on soon visiting your despicable little den of mafiosi, overrated sports movies, choke artist sports teams, corrupt politicians, jailbird citizens, foulmouth loudmouths and voter fraud. He despises you with all of his heart, soul, and mind. He eagerly awaits the day that your city is swallowed up by New Jersey and made to join those with whom it belongs.

Your horrible hellhole is even worse than a "dirty old city." How I loathe you. How I am jealous of the oxygen you steal from real places. How I am saddened to see that a man as good as William Penn could have founded a place as evil, smelly, and rancid as your awful latrine. Curse you!

And I don't even like Pittsburgh all that much.

Anyway, yes, I, of the honorable, honest, and fertile 717 will be journeying from the land of his ancestors, the rich Susquehanna Valley, to Philadelphia. Yes, I will visit the place where Satan vomits forth his hordes. And though I hope to stay there for as short a time as possible, while I am there, I want a Genuine Philly Cheesesteak.

So, I want you little demons to recommend the best place to get one. Thank you.

Er, I mean, curse you, you swinedogs!

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