The Adams County Times glumly reports that in its hesitation and deliberation to pen a proper Joseph Vincent Paterno eulogy, fortune smile upon it in the form of a local tragedy. Lifelong Pennsylvania resident and frequent Black Shoe Diaries contributor ReadingRambler, age unknown, suffered what doctors have termed an "Internet death" on May 23, 2012, while at his keyboard. Per the (not Amish) family's request, the memorial service will consist of the following on a 12-hour loop:
Members of the Adams County 4H Club who discovered the (Internet) legend's body also found this note among the tomes of Civil War history beside his desk:
The only thing sharper than Bonnie Owens’ looks is Merle on that Telecaster. Boy, howdy. That man’s almost as good a picker as Don Rich, ain’t he? That reminds me, could you post the following video with the obituary? Thanks. That’s got Tom Brumley back on steel. He was almost as good as Ralph Mooney.
Along with a sloppily scribbled note requesting this also be included in the requiem loop:
Mennonite scholars are uncertain as to ReadingRambler’s date of birth. He was apparently born somewhere in an area of souf-central Pennsylvania he referred to as "the 717", where he lived his entire life. Details of his "IRL", LOL are very cloudy. However, he clearly loved arguing about any and all subjects, listening to country music, talking about listening to country music. Other favorite subjects included history, Ulysses S. Grant, wrestling, sprint cars, apples, and Joe Paterno.
In his last testimony (per his request, read in its entirety only by the author), he stated that his famed "rambling" behavior - as exhibited that time he tried to singlehandedly push a 2009 thread, authored by Alabama blogger kleph, over two thousand comments seemingly just to see what would happen – was "merely an expression of my desire to be like my heroes, Merle Haggard and Jimmie Rodgers, who wrote and sang honestly about the way they rambled as they pleased across our great country."
ReadingRambler was no stranger to controversy. He was often involved in bitter disagreements on topics ranging from Penn State football to secession. His testimony reveals a man who was "special with his own brand of misery" from bitter fights online. "Pursuing the life of those high-flying bloggers, I burned up my childhood days." He learned "all the rules of a modern day blogger; don’t you hold on to nothing too long." Ultimately tho, his story ends sadly. Maybe it was brought on by the firing of Coach Paterno, but whatever the case, his testimony summarizes thusly: "Pickin’ up hookers instead of my pen, I let the words of my youth fade away. Old worn out saddles and old worn out memories. With no one and no place to stay."
That last bit sounded familiar. I think that was in a song that cat once posted. Lemme take a look…
Yeah! His last testimony he just ripped off of My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys.
That’s just like a Rambler....