I'm not being serious.

But seriously...

Awhile back, someone everyone wrote a column saying we needed to change our school colors, mascot, uniforms, traditions, cheers and songs, thereby ensuring that large, overly bureaucratic organizations will never again suffer from mission creep, succumb to the lure of greed and power or become mired in a misguided sense of caution that elevates protecting the established institution over doing the right thing.

Not content with these indignant calls for a comprehensive aesthetic overhaul at Penn State, the fickle mush heads of the mob are now demanding the "Death Penalty" for the Nittany Lions. If people who have already been driven to deep shame and depression by the revelation that a once-admired leader and philanthrope deceived them all and committed horrible crimes against children, using the resources and prestige of a school and community they love to both lure his victims and shield his activities, with the resultant fallout devastating the reputations of an institution they held sacred and a man they deeply respected as its patriarch are not now also deprived of the football they so selfishly enjoyed, pedophiles will continue to prey upon the defenseless.

My only regret is that eliminating the football program means we will never get the chance to change our uniforms and fight song...

Still, I am not sure it is enough. The punishment, after all, should fit the crime. In another thread, I began a list of additional punishments that should either be handed down or self-imposed to sufficiently chasten the Penn State and State College communities. I have copied it here, along with a few additions, to get things started. I now invite all of you to post your suggestions below to help begin the healing self-flagellation process.

- Cancel the Cafe’s iced tea special
- Replace Joe Paterno with Jar Jar Binks on the SBS mural
- Todd Blackledge can only eat at salad and juice bars
- Change the Old Main chime recording to this
- Use a Mr. Burns-style shield to block out the view of Mt. Nittany
- Change "Peachy Paterno" flavor’s name to "Apologetic Peach"
- Remove all the backboards at the IM building basketball courts
- Herwig’s can no longer serve bacon
- Replace the Lion Shrine with the Landgrant Trophy
- Put those damned "Walk Sign is on to cross… " squawk boxes at every intersection
- Bring back the chicken cosmo, then immediately do away with it
- Mifflin Streakers must be fully clothed
- Circumference of the holes on HUB recycling bin lids must be slightly smaller than a water bottle
- Restore Hammond Building paint job to ugly rust orange color
- Pasta Monday at the Corner Room limited to one serving (with price increase); no breadstick

There are plenty more, and these hardly scratch the surface. So ready, fire, aim!