1) Title courtesy of jtothep
2) Overheard on HGTV: "I was very intimate with the [unintelligible], but after it came together, it blew me away." This was followed by two women making sighing noises. What's happening there?
3) I'm ready to be a media member or an NCAA investigator! Know how I know? Because when WGAL started reporting something about inappropriate sexual behavior, my brain immediately screamed, "PENN STATE FOOTBALL CULTURE PROBLEM!" Man, just give me the microphone, NCAA, and I'll be ready to rock.
4) There's a hole in my bucket. Yeah, there's a hole in my bucket. Yeah, there's a hole in my bucket. I can't buy no beer.
5) I was going to watch wrestling today, but I totally forgot because Bill O'Brien made me get into a stupid and poorly-thought-out argument about uniforms or something! CURSE YOU, BALDY! WRESTLING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!