FanPost

Catholicism makes for weak tacklers

Remember the 2010 game at Tuscaloosa? Of course you do. What I remember most painfully was not the offense's inability to move the ball effectively enough to win, but the fact that our defense looked like they were afraid to tackle the enemy.

This was unacceptable. No Penn State defense can ever play that way. No Nittany Lion should ever miss a tackle, especially when he misses it because he just didn't even really try. Inexcusable and disgusting. It makes me sick to my stomach and I'm sure you understand. If you don't, whatever, you're probably one of those freaks who likes offense.

Defense is what makes women want a man. That's a fact. Defensive football is sexy football.

Where was I?

Oh, yeah, CATHOLICS CAN'T TACKLE!

Contrary to my expectations, I had nothing else to do, so I watched the game last night while talking to a friend over the phone. I was astounded and deeply pleased to see that Notre Dame's legendary defenders - including and especially the Greatest Linebacker to Ever Play Football, Manti Te'o - were hesitant, confused, and weak tacklers.

These people were in position to make plays. I noticed that on many occasions. Dr. Saturday says, "It was the first time Te'o had played a line with the size, speed and skill of Alabama's and it showed he wasn't ready." That is not the impression I gathered. Granted, the Cotton Belt cheaters are exceptionally good linemen; nonetheless, Te'o and his comrades were not overwhelmed by the blocks so much (at least on many of the run plays) as they were overwhelmed by a shocking unwillingness to consistently engage with the Southron ball carriers.

This is not a question of talent; this is simply, at some level, being mentally scared of your opponent.

What does this mean? It means we should celebrate because Notre Dame played like pussies on national television.

Belly laugh! Belly laugh!

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