Obscure Sports Weekly: Part Deux

USA TODAY Sports

A recap of the past week in Penn State sports that aren't football, wrasslin' or men's shootyhoops returns.

This is a big week in the smaller Penn State sports here at BSD: not only is this post reinventing itself with a blatant ripoff of the movie "Dodgeball" (although we will never advertise for the Dodgeball World Championships in Las Vegas), but there are now three new sports making their debut! Joining women's shootyhoops, men's hockey and track and field are women's hockey, women's gymnastics and SWIMMIN POOLS (drank).

I'm ready, you're ready and you even have Kendrick Lamar as a soundtrack to this piece if you click the above link! LET'S GET TO IT WITH THIS WEEK'S #SPROTSREPROT (thanks, Chad).

Women's Basketball --

  • The ladies had a bit of a scare against the Northwestern women on January 3 at the BJC, but were able to win 73-69.
  • This game had all the elements of an upset: PSU got killed on the boards 43-33 and shot an abysmal 20-67 (29.9 percent) from the field while allowing the Wildcats to shoot 25-56 (44.6 percent).
  • Penn State was saved by Northwestern's Denard Robinson-esque ability to turn over the ball (28 times to PSU's 12) and Maggie Lucas going off for 24 points. Here is your weekly reminder that Maggie Lucas is better at basketball than you are. Nikki Greene also chipped in 14 points and 13 rebounds.
  • In their next game on January 6, the Lady Lions went into East Lansing and thrashed Michigan State 76-55. SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION: I wrote about it here.
  • Penn State's balance was the story here. Lucas, Green, Alex Bentley and Dara Taylor all had at least 12 points, led by Taylor's career-high 18.
  • Penn State again got outrebounded (39-35), but played maybe their best defensive game of the season, holding MSU to 17-58 (29.3 percent) shooting.
Men's Hockey --
  • The men's hockey team had the inaugural Three Rivers Classic tournament in Pittsburgh on December 28 and 29. In their first game against Robert Morris, well, they lost 6-0. Let's stop talking about this because.....
  • THEY BEAT OHIO STATE. THEY BEAT OHIO STATE 5-4. HALLE-FREAKING-LUJAH.
  • The Nits held the Buckeyes 0 for 2 on power plays, and Casey Bailey had two goals and two assists. If you see him downtown, buy that guy a beer, BECAUSE WE BEAT OHIO STATE!!!~!~!~!~~~~!!!!
  • The guys then had two games against UConn in Storrs, Connecticut on January 4 and 5. They lost both games: 4-3 in the first and 4-1 in the second.
  • In their last three games, the men have allowed four goals in every game. While that isn't good, at least they're consistent.
Track and Field --
  • The track team held the Penn State Relays on January 5 at PSU, where they went up against notable schools like St. Joe's and Norfolk State (among others), along with an unnotable school in Pitt.
  • Other than men's and women's long jump (which were both won by Norfolk Staters), a Penn Stater won every field event.
  • Track events weren't as successful for the Nittany Lions, but PSU took home wins in the women's 1 mile run, 4 x 200 relay, 4 x 800 relay, 1,000 meter run and 4 x 400 relay. The guys won the 4 x 200 relay, the distance medley and the 4 x 400 relay.
Women's Hockey --
  • The women's hockey team had two games this past weekend against some Pittsburgh school called Chatham University. If you attended Chatham, please comment in the comment section since I have never heard of it and would like confirmation that it actually exists.
  • In their first game, the ladies Django'd Chatham 10-0. Kendra Rasmussen, Hannah Hoenshell and Shannon Yoxheimer all had two goals (Hoenshell pitched in two assists as well), while Jordin Pardoski, Jill Holdcroft, Jenna Welch and Tess Weaver all had a goal. Jeanette Bateman had three assists. The Lions also had a different netminder in each period, because why not?
  • In their second game against the...um...*googles Chatham's mascot* Cougars, the Nits won 4-0. Welch chipped in another two goals, which is four more than either Sydney Crosby or Claude Giroux have this season. They also outshot Chatham 71-16. No, seriously.
Women's Gymnastics --
  • The women's gymnastics team had a meet at the University of Denver on January 5. I don't know what's a bigger surprise: that Denver actually beat PSU or that Denver is D1 in a sport.
  • Penn State's Madison Merriam won the vault, and Sharaya Musser went all Gabby Douglas on the all-around, but the Nittany Lions fell 194.700 to 193.725. Lindenwood University came in third with 185.925. n00bz.
Swimming and Diving --
  • We'll start with diving: the men's and women's diving teams had a diving meet at Tennessee on January 3 and 4, where Alexander Marchinski took 22nd in the 3 meter dive competition and 20th in the 1 meter dive competition, while TJ Schenkel took 25th in the platform competition. As for the ladies, Megan Springsteen came in 40th and Emily Stotesbery came in 41st in their respective competitions.
  • Swimming took a training trip to Naples, Florida where they competed in a friendly meet against North Carolina. Our men's and women's teams are ranked higher than UNC's, so while there were no "formal results," I'm going to claim that we won because the UNC swimmers were too busy doing their Afro and African-American Studies "homework."
The Week Ahead --
  • The men's volleyball team has their first match in just under three months in Hawaii against UCLA on Thursday, Hawaii on Friday and Ohio State on Saturday. If you don't think I'm jealous that they will be in Hawaii while I freeze my nuts off in Happy Valley, than you don't know me well enough.
  • Both women's and men's ice hockey have games in consecutive days: the women against Union College in Schenectady, NY and the men in State College against the US National Under 18 team. If you want to see a wonderful collection of talent that will one day lose to Canada in the gold medal game in the Olympics, go to the guy's game.
  • SWIMMIN POOLS (drank) have the misfortune of having to go to Arkansas for a meet against the Razorbacks and Missouri State. As long as the team does everything in their power to avoid former Arkansas football head coach John L. Smith, they should be fine.
  • Men's and women's fencing both have meets against *deep breath* Drew, UPenn, UNC, Temple, Duke, Columbia and Haverford. Hey, quick joke: what does fencing have in common with quantum physics and women? I DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ANY OF THEM! *rimshot*
  • Men's and women's gymnastics both have meets: the men against Army in State College, and the women against the University of Illinois at Chicago. Our men are going to win, and our women should win. NEXT.
  • Track has something called the Nittany Lion Challenge on Friday and Saturday, which turns out to NOT be a drinking challenge at Cafe 210 West or a wing eating challenge at any of the wonderful food establishments in State College. Go figure.
  • Lastly, women's basketball plays #NEBRASKETBALL on Sunday at home. Go support them. That may be the best home game they have this season.
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