The day is almost upon us. Darkness falls across the land. The midnight hour is close at hand. Blah blah blah Thriller.
We have had four days worth of rankings leading up to this. After some recalibrating due to SOMEONE not being able to make it (thanks, Nikki), the final rankings for the BSDrink Off, sponsored by McDonald's*, I'm Lovin' It! (DISCLAIMER: still nothing) are in. I also included odds, because degenerate gamblers will gamble on anything. Bill Simmons said so, so it has to be true.
Odds: 500,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,004 to 1
6,999,999,999 to 16) Every Other Living Person
Odds: 500,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,003 to 1
15) Tim Hyland
Unable to make it. As is Ben. But Tim won't get all butthurt over his ranking.
14) Devon Edwards
Devon can't make it, either. See the above section for why he's listed here.
13) Nikki Bowser
12) Jared Slanina
I'm hoping that Jared and Cari have a drink-off, with the loser being forced to perform a solo version of "Teenage Dirtbag."
Odds: 5,000 to 1
11) Cari Greene
CUZ I'M JUST A TEEN-AGE DIRT-BAG BAAAAAABY.
Odds: 4,999 to 1
10) Jeff Junstrom
Odds: 2,000 to 1
9) Tim Aydin
Tim is the Spike Dudley of this competition: not the biggest, not the strongest, but dammit, he has heart.
Odds: 1,500 to 1
8) Nick Blonde
Our first big move: Galen jumps Nick. Historic day, you guys.
Odds: 500 to 1
Hashtag Dark Horse
Odds: 250 to 1
6) Bill DiFilippo
F*ck this guy
Odds: 100 to 1
5) Adam Collyer
Odds: 50 to 1
4) Eric Gibson
No, YOU ranked Chad above Eric to give Eric extra motivation to put on a Herculean performance.
Odds: 25 to 1
3) Nick Polak
Nick is representing New Jersey and Seattle, two places that desperately need a champion. He's probably had a BAC in the 0.2's for the last three days, which I think hurts his chances.
Odds: 12 to 1
2) Dan Vecellio
From last night, when I asked someone about Dan's drinking abilities: "I've seen him drink three pitchers of beer in a few hours and not be impacted at all." The Ronaldo of this competition.
Odds: 5 to 2
1) Chad Markulics
The Messi of this competition. ROLL CHAD.
Odds: 2 to 1