PSU's once proud win-at-all-costs football program has received a dark blemish after the NCAA's recent release of it's annual graduation success rates. PSU landed at #11 in that list (when only counting FBS schools, 15th overall), behind noted nerd-schools like Stanford, Duke, and Northwestern.
DISGUSTING! Why are we sending these kids to class if they came here to play FOOTBALL, they ain't been recruited to play SCHOOL, classes are POINTLESS. Clearly, we have lost our way. To the graduating, I say GOOD RIDDANCE. Your pursuit of academic excellence has been a strain on our football program for long enough! Get out of our school and go pursue your loser careers like "doctor" and "lawyer" and "engineer." Now we'll have some space to go get us some Bubba's and Cardale's - some real winners. We talkin' about some real FOOTBAWW damnit.