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BSDrink Off Rankings: 16-13

This weekend's We Are! 2013 tailgate will be the first time that most of us BSDers are in the same place at the same time. There will also be lots and lots of alcohol. With that in mind, we have decided that this weekend will feature the first annual BSDrink Off, sponsored by McDonald's*, I'm Lovin' It! (NOTE: We are not officially sponsored by McDonalds)

To get you guys prepared, I have taken it upon myself to rank every member of the BSD Masthead, 16-1, on how they will perform at said tailgate. Monday will feature 16-13, Tuesday 12-9, Wednesday 8-5, Thursday 4-1, and a full recap on Friday.

Now that we're all lubed up, it's time for 16-13. Remember, my opinions in this post are shared by all BSD writers/editors and should be adopted by you immediately.

16) bscaff

bscaff was 50/50 on attending due to a prior commitment, but earlier today he confirmed that he can't make it. This is very unfortunate, as I had high hopes for him. Nobody on staff has ever seen him in real life, so for all we know, he's an 8'4", 795 lb. beast of a human being capable of going through bottles of 151 like they're Gatorade. Instead, this just strengthens my theory that bscaff is just Cari's male alter-ego.

15) Tim Hyland

Tim is a father, so he has to be "semi-responsible," whatever that means. He also is unable to attend, which sucks, because based on the things he writes, I expected to have conversations with him where I ask him to pass me a beer and he responds with a 3,500 word soliloquy about paying players in the SEC. He would have done well, though, because he is an Aston Villa supporter. Know who else is an Aston Villa supporter? Tom Hanks, and I'm willing to bet that that dude can go through beers like the fate of the world depends on it. Ergo, I think Tim would do well in this competition.

14) Devon Edwards

Devon's commitment is currently up in the air. He said that he might attend, "probably not." He does promise to drink us all under the table if he does show up, but since there's a chance he doesn't attend his ranking is lower than it should be. If he confirms his commitment, he'll certainly move up in the rankings when they are finalized on Friday. We must remember that Devon is in law school in New York, so he's probably used to drinking one or two $10 beers when he has the time to drink. Put him around free, unlimited beer, and I have faith that Devon would put on a Josh Hamilton in the Home Run Derby-esque performance.

13) Jared Slanina

I vividly remember an email chain where Jared once said he drank two beers and had to lay down. If I weighed 53 lbs. and didn't eat anything for three days, I could still polish off two beers and be relatively ok. Jared also went to Kent State, which was recently ranked the 95th best party school in the country behind some schools I've never heard of (looking at you, Gustavus Adolphus College). Long story short, I expect Jared to drink four beers, blackout, and fire me for this section.

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