Our next round of BSDrink Off Rankings, sponsored by McDonald's*, I'm Lovin' It! (DISCLAIMER: Still no word on whether or not McDonald's will sponsor us), bring you four gentlefolk who could come out of nowhere and win if a few things go their way. These guys are ready, willing, and able to do horrific things to their livers, especially in the name of pride and victory at the We Are! 2013 tailgate. The margin between themselves and the remaining four is close, so all four of these people will battle until the end but come up short, in my "expert" opinion.
8) Nick Blonde
I have had a beer or two with Nick before. After multiple Yuenglings in like an hour, Nick was relatively unfazed. The man can hold his own in a competition like this, plus he's a bigger dude. He isn't ranked higher for two reasons: 1) He is the eldest remaining person on this list, so I anticipate that his liver isn't as strong as the livers of others competing and 2) He has been light on the shit talk in email chains. Where is the will to win, Nick? WHAT ARE YOU, A DEFENSE COACHED BY JOHN BUTLER? Nick can surprise some people, but I need to see some more heart out of him before I put him over anyone else.
7) Bill DiFilippo
Fun fact: I am a gigantic wuss. I don't like to drink before football games, I don't like to get plastered, and I once puked so much in a hotel room after a night of drinking that it wasn't worth cleaning up (you can ask Chad or blerms about that, dos a cero). So why am I 7th? Because I am a large human being who will absolutely stuff my fat face before the competition begins, and because I didn't start drinking until my 21st birthday seven months ago. My liver hasn't taken the abuse that others have, making it fresher and able to take punishment. I am also one of the most insane competitors on the planet. Seriously. It's bad and you should avoid me at all costs. If I go down, I will go down swinging aimlessly. THERE WILL BE NO WHITE FLAG ABOVE MY DOOR. ROLL TIDE.
6) Adam Collyer
Remember when I joked about bscaff being an 8'4", 795 lb. beast of a man? Well, Collyer actually is that huge. I'm not kidding. I'm not a small guy by any stretch of the imagination, but when Collyer gave me a bro hug when I met him at the Cuse game, he made me look like Tim Aydin. If I remember correctly, he was drinking a Sam Adams. Only two kinds of people drink Sam Adams: New Englanders and alcoholics, and since Collyer is from Jersey, well, yeah. Also, don't forget Rominger's Law, which states that there is a direct correlation between lawyerin' and alcohol consumption. Collyer is my dark horse in this competition, and may make a move when my final rankings are released on Friday.
5) Eric Gibson
Let's get the obvious out of the way: Eric loves Penn State basketball, so for that reason, he drinks a lot. But the shit talk he's been laying down has been legendary. His exact words: "I will be up there to bring da fucking ruckus. Don't even have tickets to the game. Nor do I care." EGADS! He's not even GOING to the game. His one goal is to be a one-man drinking machine, a la Ted Kennedy. My guess is that he's an angry drinker because of the whole "PSU hoops" thing, so once he starts getting drunk and the shit talk starts flying, look out. Eric may have something to prove, and God dammit, he's gonna do everything he can to prove it. Also, he likes to go to Indigo. Three kinds of guys go to Indigo: douchey frat bros, guys desperate to find a late night hook up, and guys who like to take advantage of their cheap alcohol so they can punish their livers. Since Eric isn't a douchey frat bro, and he's had a girlfriend for a few years (if memory serves me right), he's the last one. God help us all.