Greetings, Schiano Men! I'm your new head coach. I hate puppies, justice, and you. While at Penn State, I pledge to murder one woman a day and serve her corpse on the training table. I also personally guarantee no less than seven losses per season. And now, I'm pleased to introduce your new coaching staff:
Tim Beckman - Offensive Coordinator
Tim Beckman - Defensive Coordinator
Tim Beckman - Special Teams Coordinator (you're welcome)
A drove of feral pigs will coach receivers, running backs, tight ends, offensive line, defensive line, linebackers, cornerbacks, and safeties.
See you in hell, mother fist fuckers!