Pickin' Nits: The Artist Formerly Known as "Obscure Sports Weekly"

Spanier getting news of the name change. He approves. - Matthew O'Haren-USA TODAY Sports

TROLL. SO. HARD.

Last week, in the last edition of OSW, we asked for a new name because society couldn't deal with using the obscure sports tag. After sitting down with the BSD brain-trust (ie: myself), I decided the new name is going to be "Pickin' Nits" for two reasons: one is that this name was hilarious, two is that this "nits" thing is absurdly petty and kind of ridiculous (and yes, the irony in that statement is there on purpose). For that reason, my plan is to drive the "nits" name into your brains until it doesn't bother you, like what Turk did to JD on "Scrubs" when JD was annoyed that Julie always said "that's so funny" instead of laughing. Now, if you're not down with that, we've got two words for ya.

(IMPORTANT PROGRAMMING NOTE: As all of you who follow me and Dan on Twitter know, the Royal Rumble was this week. For that reason, I've been on a wrasslin' kick, and I plan on forcing a ton of WWE jokes in here. Also, #GetBillAdamDevonAndDanIfHeCanGetAFlightFromTexas2Wrestlemania.)

Women's Basketball

  • The 7th ranked lady shootyhoopers had two road games this past week, one against Ohio State and one against Wisconsin.
  • In their game against Ohio State, PSU was able to go into Columbus and come out with a win, 71-56.
  • While the ladies let OSU's Tayler Hill (the #2 scorer in the Big Ten) go off for 28 points, nine of the ten ladies to play scored for PSU, and the Nits' defense was more dominant Goldberg's undefeated streak, only allowing one other Buckeye to reach double digits while holding OSU to 35 percent shooting. PSU also had the edge on the glass (42-35) while forcing 16 turnovers.
  • In their next game, against Wisconsin, the Lady Lions lost, 63-61. The game was a rematch of a game that PSU won 84-40. Basketball's a cruel game, man #FiurChambres.
  • While Maggie Lucas had 18, Wisconsin's Morgan Paige was the big scorer on the night, dropping 33 on Penn State. Damn. Alex Bentley struggled, going 4 for 16 with 9 points, while Dara Taylor had 10 points and Mia Nickson has 11 points and 6 rebounds.
  • Next Week: The Lady Shootyhoopers play both Big Ten teams from Indiana: Purdue and Indiana. Assuming that they come out pissed against Purdue since they lost their last game, there's a chance that they drop a hunnid on the Boilermakers. GO FOR THE McNUGGETS.

Track and Field

  • Penn State had the Penn State National this week. Instead of recapping the event, I'm going to highlight three awesome performances you should be proud of by a few guys on the 12th ranked men's team:
  1. Brannon Kidder, a freshman, ran the mile in 3:59.48.
  2. Casimir Loxsom set a new American Collegiate Record in the 600 meters with a 1:15.79.
  3. The men's 4x200 meter relay (Emunael Mpanduki, Matt Gilmore, Brandon Bennett-Green, Aaron Nadolsky) set an NCAA record with a 1:24.70.
  • For real, congrats to all of those guys. I'm gonna stop now before I get accused of being a sexist.
  • Next Week: The track team has a meet called the Sykes and Sabok Challenge. I'd tell you what teams are competing in it, but GoPSUSports.com doesn't think that a big deal. ONWARD.

Women's Hockey

  • Women's hockey forgot to cross check themselves before they wrecked themselves, losing all three games they had in the past week.
  • Against Syracuse, they went down 1-0 and 4-1. Penn State's first periods are like the football team's third quarters: four of the five goals they allowed came in the beginning of the game. I'm not a hockey guy, but falling behind early is a good way to lose.
  • Against Princeton, Penn State decided to try a new strategy of letting the other team spread out when they scored. The Nits allowed one goal every period, which would have been fine had PSU been able to score four goals and win. Instead, they got blanked again, losing 3-0.
  • Next Week: Two games for the women's hockey team, both against Mercyhurst College. Mercyhurst is 19-5-1. Our ladies are 7-17-1. #BUCKLEUP

Gymnastics

  • The top ranked guys gymnastics team was off, so I'm going to use this space to remind y'all that, despite what the WWE says, Chris Benoit existed and he was awesome. (Also, he had one of the best entrance songs of all time, which totally counts for something)
  • The lady's gymnastics team didn't have the week off, which means I need to use this space to tell you about them and not about Trish Stratus making the WWE Hall of Fame.
  • PSU came out on top against Iowa (195.325), Pitt (193.575) and Rutgers (193.225), posting a season high 195.500 points.
  • Sharaya Musser of Penn State won the All-Around competition with a score of 39.525. Which is great, but not as great as PSU knocking Pitt out of the top 25 with this win. GO STATE.
  • Next Week: Both guys and girls have a meet on Saturday at 7 pm at Rec Hall against Ohio State. Which means you get the chance to boo two Ohio State teams at once. So yeah, go.

Swimming and Diving

  • SWIMMIN POOLS had a meet against Navy this past week. The 24th ranked women's team won, 185-107, while the 19th ranked guys team won, 188-112.
  • A new thing I'm going to do here is ask a friend of mine who swims/used to swim to profile a PSU swimmer or diver. Today's swimmers: backstroke specialists Sean Grier and Nate Savoy. Today's analysis comes from my buddy Matt, a former state-level swimmer. Matt's analysis: "They're really good...both were at Olympic trials and placed well...I think Grier has the (PA high school) record for the 100 back. (NOTE FROM BILL: He doesn't, his HS teammate/next Michael Phelps David Nolan does, Grier missed it by .3 seconds) " GO MATT!
  • Next Week: Both teams swim against Towson. Famous Towson alumni include former wrassler Stacy Keibler, "Dirty Jobs" host Mike Rowe and Jerry San----er---Gerry Sandusky. SORRY GERRY. I KNOW YOU HATE WHEN PEOPLE MIX YOU UP WITH OUR JERRY.

Men's Volleyball

  • The 6th ranked men's volleyball continues to wreck teams, winning both of their matches this past week.
  • Against Sacred Heart, Penn State didn't drop a set, winning 3-0 (25-12, 25-18, 25-23). Aaron Russell and Tom Comfort led the way with 7 kills each, while Taylor Hammond (whose name is eerily close to Taylor Hanson) had 31 assists. Sacred Heart? MORE LIKE SACRED FART!!! *drops mic* *leaves*
  • Their match against Harvard wasn't quite as easy, but the Nits managed to pull it out 3-2 (25-23, 20-25, 25-14, 16-25, 15-6). Peter Russell (related to Aaron, but not Bill) led the way with 12 kills, and Hammond had 37 assists.
  • Next Week: Two matches for the Nits, one against Pfeiffer (which apparently exists) and Mount Olive (which, to the furthest of my knowledge, is not a high school in NJ who once had a pitcher that struck me out looking three times sophomore year).

Fencing

  • First, shouts out to commentor Ibleedblueandwhite for his fencing tutorial. I'm slowly chugging through it.
  • At the St. John's Invitational, Penn State's 2nd ranked guys took first place while the 5th ranked ladies took second.
  • The big fencing news, however, is the performance of PSUers Miles Chamley-Watson and David Willette at the Paris Foil World Cup. They both took home gold as members of Team USA. Congrats, from the entire BSD staff.
  • Next Week: Fencing has the week off. Rest easy, everyone. I won't try to talk about fencing next week.

Tennis

  • Women's tennis had one match last week against Temple. Other than one singles match, every matchup (singles and doubles) was won by the women's team. FINAL SCORE: PSU 6, Temple 1. Lulz @ Temple. LULZ.
  • Meanwhile, men's tennis was down in Winston-Salem, NC. The good news is they won their first match of the day against New Mexico, 6-1. The bad news is they lost their next two matches against Wake Forest (4-0) and Alabama (4-3). Men's tennis are the biggest jabronis in all of PSU sports.
  • Next Week: Women's tennis takes on Kentucky in Lexington, while men's tennis take on Penn and Lehigh. Lehigh, you may remember, was everyone's favorite college basketball team last year.

Men's Lacrosse

  • Making their debut next week, the 15th ranked guy's lacrosse team! TIME TO GET OUT OUR BOAT SHOES AND SOME NATTY AS WE JAM OUT TO DMB ON OUR ACOUSTICS.
  • Next Week: Lax hosts Johns Hopkins in a scrimmage at PSU. It technically means nothing, but still. Go State.
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