Before I get into the PSU sports, I need to raise awareness for this: as we all know, Aaron Carter beat Shaquille O'Neal in a game of 1-on-1 in 2001. What you probably didn't know is that Aaron Carter is STILL WEARING SHAQ JERSEYS AT LIVE SHOWS.
Seriously. He is a 25 year old man performing a song from when he was 14 in the jersey of one of the song's two main characters. I can't get over it. It's too much. Let's get into the weekly recap before my face melts like it's "Raiders of the Lost Ark." Here, just listen to Ben Folds singing Such Great Heights. And read.
- Before we get to the games, just a reminder that the 8th ranked lady shootyhoopers went HAM on the Big Ten awards last week. It was ugly. Unless you're a Penn State fan. Then it was f'ing awesome. Also, Alex Bentley picked up an award for being good and being 5'8" or under. I didn't know such an award existed, but still. Awesome.
- On the court, the ladies won the outright Big Ten title with a win over #NEBRASKETBALL by a final score of 82-67. Maggie Lucas had 34 points. It seemed like she had more. She also had nine rebounds. Maggie Lucas is better than you are at basketball.
- The Week Ahead: B1G (I promise I will never do that again) Conference Tournament. Their first game is on Friday against Ohio State. The winner plays the winner of Michigan State/Michigan on Saturday. Penn State is 5-0 against those teams. All signs point to a showdown against either Nebraska or Purdue in the finals on Sunday. Now, the best and worst team about this Penn State team is that they can be prone to playing to the level of their competition. In the conference finals, against the 2nd or 3rd best team in the conference (both a little pissed because neither beat PSU this season), I think it's safe to assume that the Lady Lions would bring their A-game and lock up the conference. Now, if only their automatic bid could go to the men's team.....
Track and Field
- It was Last Chance Weekend for members of the 24th ranked men's and women's track team. I'm gonna cut short on this so I can go in depth on the week ahead section. Cool? Cool.
- The Week Ahead: It's NCAA Indoor Championships week. Two ladies were among the 16 qualifiers: Mahagony Jones is seeded 15th in the 200 meter dash, while Marlene Ricketts is seeded 16th in the triple jump. Among the guys, the men's distance medley (Brannon Kidder, Brandon Bennett-Green, Za'Von Watkins, Robby Creese) are the top seed. In other races, Casimir Loxsom is fourth in the 800 meter run and Robby Creese is fourth in the mile run. In the field, Will Barr is seeded tenth in the weight throw. It'll be fun. Go Nittany Lions.
- Women's hockey lost their second game at RIT in overtime in the CHA Tournament, 3-2. Netminder Nicole Paniccia saved 54 of a possible 57 shots, while Taylor Gross and Hannah Hoenshell both netted a goal.
- The Week Ahead: The season's over. The team ended 7-26-2, and failed to win a game after January 5. For their performance this season, they get a "Good Job, Good Effort." For vacating their spot in Pickin' Nits, they get a "Bye Bye Bye" by N'Sync. DEUCES, WOMEN'S HOCKEY.
- You're not gonna believe this, but the top ranked men's gymnastics team beat another team. This week's
victimopponent was 7th ranked Chef Illini. 438.900-436.250. Illinois was actually in the lead going into the final event (parallel bars)...but come on. It's Penn State gymnastics. They're not losing.
- Meanwhile, the 22nd ranked women's team took down 19th ranked Illinois, 196.3-195.775. Sharaya Musser continues to dominate the all-around, taking the crown for the third time in the team's last five meets.
The Week Ahead: The women's gymnastics team returns to Happy Valley for a meet against New Hampshire, Temple and Penn. Meanwhile, the men's team has a meet against the Puerto Rican National Team, so they get to travel to San Juan. They spend their Spring Break in Puerto Rico, I spent mine on a couch in Central Pennsylvania. Per usual, they win.
Swimming and Diving
- The 24th ranked men's swimming team finished in 8th at the Big Ten Tournament. Several notable performances: Nick Ankosko took home 10th in the 1650 yard freestyle, Nate Savoy had top ten finishes in the 100 and 200 yard backstrokes (5th and 3rd place finishes, respectively), Sean Grier came in 2nd in the 100 yard backstroke and 3rd in the 100 yard butterfly, and 400 free relay of John Hauser, Grier, Savoy and Shane Austin came in 5th. Michigan won the Big Ten, but they suck, so why cares?
- As for the 24th ranked women's team, two ladies swam at the NCAA Last Chance Meet. Katie Rowe and Gabi Shishkoff both clocked provisional qualifying times in the 200 butterfly. And, um, that's it.
- The Week Ahead: The men have their Last Chance Meet on Sunday, while the ladies have the week off so they can watch "Swimfan" for the 1,300th time.
- The 9th ranked men's volleyball team kicked off their month long road trip by smacking Rutgers-Newark and NJIT, both by the score of 3-0.
- Against Rutgers-Newark (25-13, 25-20, 25-19), four players had at least seven kills (Nick Goodell, Matt Seifert, Aaron Russell, Scott Kegerreis), while Taylor Hammond had a scant 25 assists. Zack Parik cut in with 10 assists of his own, which I suppose would mean Hammond got an assist because he let Parik get those assists? My head hurts.
- Against NJIT (25-22, 25-17, 25-13), Goodell (12) and Aaron Russell (11) both notched double-digit kills. Peter Russell and Nick Turko also pitched in 8 kills a piece. Hammond had 41 assists. NOBODY STEALS ASSISTS FROM HAMMOND IN TWO STRAIGHT GAMES.
- The Week Ahead: The volleyball tour travels to Indiana to
eat fried food and become clinically depressedtake on IPFW and Ball State. God, there are like 5,000 "Ball State" jokes I'd love to make if they all weren't horribly inappropriate.
- WEEK OFF.
- The Week Ahead: Both the men's and women's fencing team head to regionals, where they will take on all the other glee clubs from the mid-atlantic regio......wait, different kind of regionals? Oh my. Well, this is awkward.
- The 34th ranked women's team lost for the first time this season against 42nd ranked Ohio State, 5-2 *vomits everywhere like I'm Cousin Sal in House Eats 3*. The Buckeyes won four of the six singles matchups and two of the three doubles contests.
- The men's team didn't do much better, as they also lost to Ohio State. The 8th ranked Buckeyes annihilated the 72nd ranked Nittany Lions, 7-0. They lost every matchup and won two sets in the entire competition. THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.
- The men followed that up with a 5-2 loss to 21st ranked Texas. You probably missed it. It was on the Longhorn Network.
- The Week Ahead: The men are traveling to Houston to
see if JJ Watt only goes up to Yao Ming's shouldertake on Rice, while the women head to South Carolina to take on College of Charleston. Rumor has it that, if you want to visit South Carolina, you must sacrifice a goat to Jadeveon Clowney. We here at BSD are working hard to confirm/deny that rumor.
- The golf team came in first at the Colleton River Collegiate, defeating Michigan, Michigan State and Detroit. Chris Houston came in second via a playoff. Penn State golfers had four of the six best scored during the two day competition. As a team, they beat second place Michigan (lol) by 11 shots. Maybe Buzzfeed can add that to their list of The 35 Ways You Know You're a Michigan Wolverine: you lose to Penn State in golf. APPROPRIATE .GIF.
- The Week Ahead: They get some time to chill out, max and relax. Oh, and while we're here, #GetBillAdamDevonAndDanIfHeCanGetAFlightFromTexas2Wrestlemania
- For the second straight week, the 13th ranked bros lost a game, 10-9 in overtime. This one was to Ohio State. It wasn't all weak sauce, as freshman bro TJ Sanders racked up five goals. SWAGGER ON A HUNDRED THOUSAND TRILLION, BRAH.
- The 7th ranked lady bros just CRUSHED teams from Virginia. Against 6th ranked Virginia, they won 15-14 behind three goals from both Tatum Coffey and Mackenzie Cyr. Later in the week, they ran train on James Madison, winning 13-12. Maggie McCormick netted six goals and added in two assists.
- The Week Ahead: The men take on every college basketball fan's second favorite school from last season, Lehigh on Saturday. The women, meanwhile, have a showdown with top ranked Maryland on Saturday before heading to Cornell on Wednesday.
- A tough week for softball, as they lost five of their six matchups this week. They beat Loyola (Chicago), but they fell to Hofstra, 11th ranked LSU, 5th ranked Texas A&M, Longwood and Central Michigan. Not the best week for the women's softball team.
- A few bright spots despite a tough week: Macy Jones threw a gem in their loss to Hofstra, putting up a line of 7 IP, 8 H, 3 R (2 ER), 5 K's, 0 BB's. Also, Cassidy Bell jacked her team-leading 8th homer of the year on the trip, and she is hitting .537 with 22 RBI's (SORRY FOR ADDING RBI'S SABERMETRICS PEOPLE).
- The Week Ahead: The Under Armor Showcase in Clearwater, Florida. The team has five games in three days: Loyola Marymount, Western Michigan, Toledo, Maine and Souf Curolinah. A lot of stuff involving teams from the other Carolina this week, amirite?
- A 1-3 week for the baseball team (well, 2-3 if you count their game against Stephen F Austin, recap HURR). Their losses: 3-2 to UTSA, 14-8 to Houston, 15-5 to Houston. Their wins: 4-2 over Stephen F Austin and 3-0 against Nebraska-Omaha.
- The big performer this week was Steve Snyder, who went 9-21 with 3 RBI's and 2 runs scored. The team also got good efforts on the mound from Ryan Harper against Nebraska-Omaha (7 IP, 5 H, 0 R, 2 K's, 3 BB's, W) and Steven Hill against UTSA (6 IP, 6 H, 3 R (0 ER), 7 K's, 3 BB's, L).
- The Week Ahead: Three games against Houston Baptist in Houston. DAMMIT WHY DID I ALREADY MAKE THE YAO MING/JJ WATT JOKE? Don't worry about being 1-7 on the road and 2-1 on neutral sites, guys. Twelve days until you're back at Medlar Field. Deep breaths, you can do this.