FanPost

Nits: A Rebuttal


You've read our scholarly Rambler's plea for ant-nits. I propose a proper, fully drunj plea, in a slight tangent plea for something else. What might that be? I don't know, and if I hadn't writtin this down, I'm sure I wouldn't remember tomorrow.

Here's what I have to sya. First, let me establish my bonofides. The wonderous fields of south centreal Pennsylvaia reared me, as it did the Rambler. I, too, have seen apple orchards. I, too, have walked on dirt race tracks. And, though I do personallyu find the term "nits" offensive, what whoudl whyou ydo is you had a shotgun? Hyh? Then what?! Exactly, everybody dies.

Do you want to die over a word liek nits? Because Vecellio is a straight nurmerer. He will kill folds. Dead. Sure, he lives in Texas right now. But don't thin tha he won't come up to south central penaltyvaina and shoot bepopel ofver nits. He's shown his passion. IS that worth getting your face eating off? Dan eats faces. I've seen it. Is gruesome.

Point #2

Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. Now these guys got it right. They spawned all the other bullshit that's out there. zIt's been good for a long time, and it's consisentent, and as its label tells us, it provides the pureest ingrediants, which, I'm fully sure, provide healthy benefits. Why would anyone hate Sierrea Nevada Pale Ale? Ask yourself that question first, before you pile on to the nits debate.

Point #3

Joe Hooker was a whore, same as Ann Arbor. He wastn' going to win if blah blah blah concussion. He was a braggart. He professed faith in his plans, as you cite, but actually doubted his palns. Because he had a shitty haircut. And his wife was ugly, and, of course, he was a documented pussy, as I previously pointed out.

Point #4

I'm not sure what i was going to write here, but consider it awesome.

Point #5

I'd like, for a moment, to discuss the departure of Guido, and what we could ask the PSU music people to do. Specifically, I'd like to talk about a radical suggestion I have. That suggestion is as follows: 1) dump everyone from the Blud Band that reads a treble clef. Wipe them out. Well, I mean woodwinds, specificallyl. I hate woodwinds. 2) Double the sixe of the bass clef readers. Trombones will be out lilting, flowerly lead. wait - do bari saxes read treble? I think they do. Bari saxes are coll enough to stick. Keep a couple of those. But we're going to quadruple the tri-toms and the the percussion in general. Beacuse we're getting syncopated. Percussion/bass syncopated.

Syncopation, all on a drum/bass line. We don't needd the ragtime alto bullshit; the pianist right hand trash. We're going tribal. You fans loved it with Seven Nation Army. USC has done it so well for ages with their fight song. And this Smashing Pumpkins video reinforces the power of a floor tom on the down beat, screwing up your anticipated accent, and making people move because of it. Bare, raw, tribal. Or as my Puerto Rican friend Cajones called them, Thee Smatching Punkin. Violence we seek. 8 bars or so that we mindless mroons can repeat. That's a damn site better than Sweet Caroline, who was a disgusting street woman from Boston.

Now, I could do without BIlly Corgan's vocals. I mean, let's get serious here. But hitting the bass-like tom on the ass-end eighth of a beat, plus the bass guitar's quarter/eighth hesitation at the start which puts it off thru the rest of the measure to make me really happy? Well that's just good business.

And all of those reasons are why you should be ant-nits, too. Rambler's right about south central PA. it IS the 717. It DOES have the Milky Way Diner, the Northside Pool. And all of those things are worth fighting for. It's why we're Americans, dammit. Fight for them.

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