BSD Meme Tourney, Veterans Regional: It Ain’t Old, It’s Just Plain Classic

special thanks to jtot for his guest post on this topic! --CG


Via some schmo whose content just got sold for a billion dollars

Hell yeah, I bit that tagline from XM’s Backspin. Content-stealing’s the way of the world these days, dontcha know. And there’s plenty of stellar biting and even more actual original community-generated content in the BSD Vets Region, where old memes come to get immortal. As a result of recent sanctions, this region was recently visited by the only capable branch of Mark Emmert's bizarre organization--the NCAA wrestling committee, and they actually provided some valuable contributions. As such, there were some last-minute inserts and a host of re-seedings, so here's a look at the updated bracket:


If you don't know how to get your embiggen on by now, you deserve all those spam emails. As our Aussie readers might say, let’s get amongst it!

#1 Almighty Zug vs. #16 Hate

Penn Staters love them some walk-ons, and every college football fan loves them some great player names. So when walk-on Junior WR Graham Zug started trotting onto the field for real game day snaps on a team loaded with seniors Deon Butler, Derrick Williams & Jordan Norwood, BSD’ers took action by deifying him and prostrating immediately. We worshiped at his faux alter and prayed to Zug for good things to happen to our football team and, for the most part, he blessed our entire program and community. His power seemed to culminate in December, 2008, when he took out American hero & BHGP icon J Leman in this epic blogwarzy battle. Dude even came down from the heavens to bless us years later in a podcast with AC & Junny.

Hate's been around a long time, even before breakdancing, so we're not sure we can even count it as biting, but BSD went through its CFB hate phase like every other proud fanbase. But not every community had an aspiring blogger like the artist formerly known as Cairo. Before launching JoePasDoghouse with a couple of his dawgs, J. Schnauzer broke onto the scene with this hilarious Eastern Illinois Hate Week post. BSD & Dave Chappelle took it from there.

#2 Old Man Euler vs #15 BSD Wentworth

Remember when Get Off My Lawn was an internet thing designed to mock someone acting old & grumpy? Well re-meet poor Ray Euler who sadly decided to finally give up his twelve (12!) season tickets when the implementation of the market-value STEP program allegedly forced him out. Old Man Euler never did disclose the location of his 12 seats or the price he had been paying for them, but his legend managed to live on in BSD infamy, so that's something.

AND IN THIS CORNER, his opponent is the modern-day Internet law firm, BSD Wentworth. It's common knowledge that lawyers are everywhere on the Internet. They have the most free time, least professional oversight, millions of clients to whom they can bill the hours spent making sure other people on the Internet learn that they're wrong, and they're often equipped with an entitlement complex regarding their own debate skills. Lawyers' lone redeeming quality is an unrelenting self-effacement and willingness to appreciate the absurd financial decisions they made in attending law school in the first place. So what happens when you throw that attitude into a mixing bowl with those resources? Why, the creation of a satirical Internet law firm, of course! I should probably expect a lawsuit for jacking this up, but not having the intern resources of BSD Wentworth, my amateur research efforts determined MainLion as perhaps the coiner of the firm's moniker, and the firm's employees, policies, advice & disclaimers evolved from there.

#3 Sack Up & Stab Me vs #14 Scarecrow/Traffic Cone

You all remember Devon Still, right? Goes about 6'5", 305, graduate of the Pennsylvania State University's Larry Johnson College of Defensive Lineman? First time I ever heard of Still was down on the field at the 2007 Blue White Game when my buddy asked: 'who's the big guy next to Levi Brown?' So, yeah: big, tough dude. Now let's take a look at the knife Chris Bell used to threaten him with:



That's an author GIS rendition obviously, but the police report said that it was a '12-inch Good Cook straight blade cooking knife with an 8-inch blade and a black handle.' Bell (who's own nickname Stabby McShankerson just barely missed the tourney cut, if you will), you'll recall was accusing Still of having stolen Bell's cell phone case and said he felt he needed the knife for protection in addressing the accusation with Still. Turns out his intuition was right, for what did Devon Still say to Chris Bell upon seeing this weapon drawn with malice in the school cafeteria? In what may be the ballerest, gangterest thing I've ever read a Penn State football player to have uttered, Still looked at Bell & his knife and said: 'sack up and stab me.' Seriously, how is this only a #3-seed? I suppose you all can answer that in the polls.

That meme's opponent, if you even need to hear it (read it? see it?), was another classic:


We're still accepting attribution tips & links for that beauty. Its context can basically be described as Adrian Clayborn. In the 2009 game at Beaver Stadium he was assisted by tiny-armed Karl Klug & linemate Broderick Binns, but, um, yeah, that day was not Deontae Pannell's or any other PSU lineman's finest. That pic became the tramp stamp of Oline Fail from then on and served as the foundational rock for future MS Paint gems like this one.

#4 Rational Cat vs #13 Grottoes

Remember the wonderful void DC17 created at the quarterback position when he graduated following the 2009 season? The Spring of 2010 saw some heady PSUQB takes here at BSD. 5-star Paul Jones had enrolled early, Kevin Newsome hadn’t yet revealed his skill on the piano and Matt McGloin was sharpening that chip on his ginger shoulder. All three played in the Blue White Game that year, and RUTS provided the breakdown & his own hot takes. But scroll down to longtime BSD commenter Millzners' (whose screen name itself is a meld of PSU QB legends, I believe) suggestion, for this grand gem:

I'm going to contradict my self about the 2 QB system and say we may want to at least entertain the idea that Jones comes in and runs the opposite-wild-cat inside the 30. Call it the Rational Cat. That is, send the guy in there and throw that fade pass, or let him use his arm to move the ball a little…

Hence the birth of the Rational Cat, a meme that would live on in ...well, it was used a few times after that.

Question for all the bros out there: does your wife/gf/sigother/cat follow your 'work' on BSD? No? Why is that, do you think? Never mind, don't answer that. Maybe it would be different if you were the founder of a massive Penn State blog and the work you did there was actually something she might be proud of, but since you're not and it's not, you should take the cautionary tale of Mike's spousal experience as inspiration to keep it that way. PSUWifey, you see, was/is a fine blogger in her own right and she would often come through to weigh in with her own hot takes & participate in the burgeoning community her husband had fostered. Well one day she got, let's call it over-enthusiastic, and posted what she innocently felt at the time was a sweet picture of hubby & kids (it was, really). But it was also a prime target for jesty ridicule and BSD did not disappoint. Mike's jorts were attacked mercilessly. But the setting for the photo was also fodder, for the three lads were sitting in front of a landscaped water feature that later became known as the Grotto. It was beautiful & luxurious and served as quite the contrast to the notion that bloggers at the time had no money and worked out of their mom's basements.

#5 Ironic Michigan Men vs #12 FireJayPa

12s and 5s historically have heated battles, a high upset ratio and they're often referred to as the Battle of Douches. Wait. That's not a thing? Well, we'll let you all put it to the test in this high-stakes Tourney of Infamy. This bracket is actually about more fun with 2010 quarterbacks! As Penn State was coming down from back-to-back 11-2 Darryl Clark seasons & sifting through its 5-star & Matt McGloin options, Michigan fans & Rich Rodriguez were debating who was best suited to help them advance out of the Nick Sheridan & Steven Threet regimes: young, well-regarded freshman Denard Robinson or the legendary third Forcier brother, Tate. So in July when BSD Mike included reference to the ‘irony of a Michigan blogger calling the Penn State quarterback situation a ‘disaster,’’ in this post, BSD received a lovely visit from mgo’s Tim Sullivan who stopped in to posit: ‘I think you don’t have a firm grasp on what the term "irony" means.’ The community responded in fine form and gave it all a proper mocking, including a fun reverse-caption contest and my favorite contribution from perhaps my most favorite BSD commenters ever, Semanticron.

FireJayPa's actual name is out there and not hard to find, but we've withheld it here to protect the guilty. He was one of BSD's earliest internal trolls and went so far as to not only register the domain name, but to provide content to it and to keep it live to this day! His first post, at least in the SBN version of BSD, was an anti-nepotism take that cited poor Jerry Sandusky as victim, if you can believe that. Bill Simmons once referred to him as a skilled and subtle troll in his Levels of Trolling post on (longform, natch). Me, I still picture the real JayPa as a man not only skilled in the arts, but also a man who would straight Fredo the sumbitch were they to 'accidentally' meet during a frosty, mist-filled dog-walk in the shadows of Mount Nittany. In any event, FireJayPa's early efforts were the embodiment of an insidious Penn State culture long-versed in eating one's own and his screen name inspired the meme: 'I blame JayPa,' which may or may not have been supported by on-field evidence provided by quarterbacks who may or may not have previously donned the coveted #14.

#6 Everyone does, kills people vs #11 Screw Damons!

Let's be honest, before Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative crime reporter Sara Ganim received her directives from...oh hell no, we're not poking that hornet's nest during this relative time of PSU Peace. Let's just say that prior to the Sandusky fallout (nuclear), Ohio State provided all the content any fun-poker would ever need to write content on the Internet. And yet, into brutus's long culture of hypocritical (Jim Tressel), atrocious (Dan 'Big Daddy' Wilkinson), benign (Troy Smith, Heisman Trophy Winner) and hilarious (Antonio Pittman) wades the single phattest target any opponent fanbase could ever hope for. Terrelle Pryor and Penn State maintained all proper formalities, of course. Tom Bradley stayed in touch with him post-brutus commitment (texting yo) and TP's own denigrations of PSU were pretty mild really ('too country,' which also barely missed this tourney's cut). But after Joe Paterno met with Pryor and his...what would you call that car dealer he brought with him to meet Joe? Representative? We all knew the faux recruiting battle was fait de accompli: Terrelle Pryor was destined for Columbus. His gift kept giving of course, and when Michael Vick emerged from his 18-month jail sentence to sign with the Eagles, TP wanted to show his 'support.' So, presumably with a team of advisers who also sell & loan cars, he etched Vick's name onto his eye black and took buffoonery to all kinds of next levels in the post-game (Navy) presser when he offered this quote to explain his choices:

Not everybody's the perfect person in the world. I mean everyone kills people, murders people, steals from you, steals from me, whatever. I think that people need a second chance, and I've always looked up to Mike Vick, and I always will.

BSD gave it proper treatment. So much so that when Cardale Jones opined a few years later that 'we ain't come to play school,' it was downright blase.

Facing off against TP's most famous TPism is another anti-Ohio State meme (the faster their stank exits this tourney the better), Screw Damons! Like we have been on so many different topics, we were educated on this franchise's home base and food quality by BSD's one and only Jesse Dot. Among his many valuable contributions through the years, we can gratefully thank Sir Dot for opening our previously blind Penn State eyes to the insidiousness of Damons. It looks like the preacher first indoctrinated us in this thread when he taught us that ‘Damons was founded in Columbus, Ohio (note their colors). Ohio State had/has a deal that they only stay at Hampton Inns. Where is the Damons in State College? In the parking lot of the Hampton Inn. Never, ever, go to Damons.’ And he was not shy about spreading that gospel when a few minions picked up on it:

Damons is a front for the Ohio State Cabal…they are out get us all, and covert us into a bunch Woody Hayes worshiping freaks. And they’re doing it all with boiled ribs and mediocre bar-b-que sauce. I find the crappy BBQ almost as offensive as the Ohio State thing.

There is no third-party Ohio State Sucks option, so choose wisely here, padawan.

#7 Thunderco*k vs #10 Rick Neuheisel at the Corner Room

Say PSU 2010 quarterback battle again mother*(^@#$@! This one's easy. JoePa chose Robert Bolden to start that year. As a true freshman. First since Shorty Miller. Against Alabama. IN Tuscaloosa. BurrowesBldg put up a post soliciting suggestions for a nickname worthy of such an endeavor and long-time BSD Vet, SweepTheLeg, swept in with this succinct & strikingly bold offering. Pentimental offered a glorious photoshop, but we all knew, in our hearts, and perhaps also our pants, who had won that particular label contest.

Thunderco*k's (it's fun to type, even with the asterisk) opponent is Rick Neuheisel. At the Corner Room. Twas many years the only sport second to deer-hunting in Pennsylvania was guessing Joe Paterno's eventual successor and I'll personally by a single beer (or 12) and a girly shot that mixes UW's & UCLA's colors for commenters who can provide this meme's origin. But you get the gist. Apparently Rick was seen at the Corner Room, meeting with...I suppose Ira Lubert (who appeared yesterday at Corbett v NCAA hearsings with Lubrano, allegedly, heard it on the internet, must be true).

# 8 Suck it Dog vs #9 Bama's Backups

The Suck it Dog is jesse dot's neighbor's dog, who first appeared at BSD in June, 2009. There was a round of home brewing threads around that time, and jesse. thought it was high time to create one for barbecue and did so in this delicious post. It's unclear if the caption placements were accidental or if it was an intentional sick burn, but the words Suck it Joe from Boalsburg appeared next to this photo:


Later that summer, it was revealed that Joe From Boalsburg is jesse dot's father in real life and the whole affair took on a family air when jessedotsmom (and Joe From Boalsburg's wife) began providing her own yummy food posts in her Snacks on Snacks series. As for the dog, well he became famous and his appearances soon became the equivalent of actually typing out the words 'suck it.' He even got his own twitter account, although he hasn't tweeted much lately (ahem!).

With the honor of battling the Suck it Dog are our once-friends from Alabama. If you're interested in full etymology, you could probably trace this meme's origin back to the middle of the aughts and blame its evolution on Joe Paterno (warning, making with the linky will take you to the Frosted Tips Idea Machine, two other memes that barely missed this region's cut):

"I was involved with it," Joe Paterno said of the switch. "The athletic director, Mal Moore, called, and they had just lost 15 or 16 players in some kind of academic -- not academic, but some kind of NCAA violation. And he said, 'You know, our program's down. Can we postpone the series for a couple years so we can get our feet back where we think we should be?' And I said, 'Well, it's OK with me.'"

That rescheduling of the PSU - Alabama home & home series gave the Tide time to get out of the the NCAA doghouse, Nick Saban time to lie & fail as head of the Miami Dolphins, and Penn State time to continue being good but not elite. Such that by the time the 2010 game came along, Alabama was sitting on a juggernaut and JoePa was bringing a true freshman QB to start in Tuscaloosa. The timing also corresponded with the growth of SBN's wildly popular blog Roll Bama Roll and, at that time, both the BSD & RBR communities seemed interested in getting together to explore socializing & reminiscing about the two programs' long histories together. As luck would have it (depending on perspective, you see), Alabama's returning Heisman-winning running back, Mark Ingram, was injured and would not play against PSU in that game. But Nick Saban had already navigated Bama through three totally clean & reputable recruiting seasons, and their roster was stocked. It didn't take long for bammer visitors to trumpet that talent during pre-game smack talk and out of that early enthusiasm for the Trent Richardsons of Alabama's bench rose this meme that their backups would be starters on mere mortal teams.

So who you got? Weigh in on the polls or in the comments. But please be reminded that Herr Scaff may at any time ignore, disregard or eradicate from the annals of history any efforts you put forth in so doing, so don't hurt yourselves please. And in the true Spirit of Oldhead, I'll leave you with some memory lane words from one of my favorite rappers, the inimitable Rakim:

When you was playin Pac Man, it was the jams I packed
Peeps would swarm when I was perform-in, black I'm all that
Back before they turned hip-hop to rap
It was always a place to party at, remember that?

SBN & BallotBox don't seem to playing as well with each other as they did last week, pre-system-wide issues, so if the editors are unable to work any editorial magic to make the embed code below work, here's the link to a working voting mechanism on BallotBox's site.

Veterans Region
#1 Almighty Zug vs. #16 Hate

#1 Almighty Zug
#16 Hate

#2 Old Man Euler vs #15 BSD Wentworth

#2 Old Man Euler
#15 BSD Wentworth

#3 Sack Up & Stab Me vs #14 Scarecrow/Traffic Cone

#3 Sack Up & Stab Me
#14 Scarecrow/Traffic Cone

#4 Rational Cat vs #13 Grottoes

#4 Rational Cat
#13 Grottoes

#5 Ironic Michigan Men vs #12 FireJayPa

#5 Ironic Michigan Men
#12 FireJayPa

#6 Everyone does, kills people vs #11 Screw Damons!

#6 Everyone does, kills people
#11 Screw Damons!

#7 Thunderco*k vs #10 Rick Neuheisel at the Corner Room

#7 Thunderco*k
#10 Rick Neuheisel at the Corner Room

# 8 Suck it Dog vs #9 Bama's Backups

# 8 Suck it Dog
#9 Bama's Backups

View Results

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