Ska: Hello everyone, and welcome to the first ever BSD Telethon. I'm skarocksoi and I'll be your host for the next several days as we try to raise money for the We Are! 2013 e-magazine Kickstarter. That's right, we're having a fundraiser for the fundraiser!
Ska: Now if you've been following along with how our progress has been going for the We Are! 2013 Kickstarter, you know that we're sitting at about 56% of our total goal of $10,250 with only 6 days left. Only six days folks! But knowing the BSD community, I think we can get that remaining 44% and reach our goal! All you need to do is click on this link here and pledge real American money to the cause.
Ska: And to help us raise money, we've brought in several celebrities to placate - I mean speak to you all to use their popularity to coerce you into donating money. They will be making guest appearances throughout the week, so keep watching for them! But first, lets let actor Patrick Stewart tell us a little about our campaign!
Ska: Ummm Patrick? Patrick?
Ska: Yes, wonderful Sir Patrick. Now if you could just tell all the viewers exactly what their pledge to the We Are! 2013 campaign will get them.
Sir Patrick Stewart: You'll get a rapping on the jaw if you don't mind your tongue, boy! Now, should the fine denzians of BSD choose to pledge their hard earned money, they will receive a number of gifts in return, like a copy of the We Are! 2013 e-magazine, tshirts, hoodies, and even an invitation to a special tailgate.
Ska: Well that sounds fantastic. Will you be at the tailgate Sir Patrick?
Sir Patrick Stewart: No.
Ska: Ok...Why dont we take this opportunity to go to the phones, where we have dozens of people ready to take your call, which seems silly as this is all done through the internet. But here's a caller now!
Joey: This caller says his name is M and he'd like to donate 1E-thousand dollars?
Ska: 1E-thousand? Are you sure you heard that right?
Joey: Yeah, he said he was 'M' and then the number 1E-K. And then he just called me a 'pedant' and a 'cultist'.
Ska: So its going to be one of those Telethons, huh? Alright then, well let move on to our next special guest who would like to say a few words on why you should fund this Kickstarter project. Here's Penn State Head Coach, Bill O'Brien! Glad to have you here coach.
BOB: Good to be here Ska, and let me just say right now, I think its really great what the editors and writers of BSD are doing right here. A Penn State Football Magazine is a great item to have to get ready for the coming football season and a valuable tool to help you understand and appreciate the team even more than you do now. Plus it makes a great gift!
Ska: That's right Coach! There's all sorts of great articles and interviews and previews and reviews and analysis that is going into this e-magazine. And all it takes to get one is 6 dollars. Only 6! On your salary, you could probably buy a couple thousand, right Bill?
The BOBfather: Listen and listen to me good. I'm telling you fuckers right now that if you don't fund this magazine I will leave for the first NFL Head Coaching job I can get, do you understand me? I don't care if its the Cleveland Browns, or even worse, the Bills. I will go in a heartbeat. So pull your heads out of your asses and pledge some money. NOW.
/drops mic and walks away
Ska: Alright then, super. I'm sure he meant to say 'fighters' there. Haha. Right...now as usual with telethons, we like to do some crazy stuff to entertain you in the hopes that our own personal embarrassment will in some way motivate you to be charitable and give us money. Probably because you are sick and twisted bastards. So if we can reach 75% by Friday morning I will take a day this weekend and get completely hammered and live tweet/blog any movie on Netflix that you guys pick. Get it up to 85% and I'll do a whole movie marathon! So pledge today!!!!!!
Finally, I'd like to introduce to you our last special guest for today, Ms. Alison Brie! Now Ms. Brie, what can you say to all the readers out there to help convince them to pledge to this magazine.
Ska: Aaaaand that should do it. We'll see you all again soon!