Pickin' Nits is Done for the Semester

USA TODAY Sports

Lax has their postseason, softball had a big week and we say goodbye to men's volleyball

Now that the semester's over, I really have nothing to do other than write for BSD, make bad jokes on Twitter, listen to music and watch sports. So, basically, I'm Chad (really, the only difference between us is my first album wasn't "Unleash the Dragon" by Sisqo).

Speaking of Sisqo (and by "speaking of Sisqo" I mean, "now, going in a completely different direction") there was a lot going on with Penn State sprotz this past week. Wanna talk about them? No? TOO BAD. Listen to this all-female acapella group cover "Do You Realize??" by The Flaming Lips and let's get started.

Track and Field

  • Track went to the Penn Relays last week, and these things happened for the 13th ranked men: the 4x800 relay of Robby Creese, Za'Von Watkins, Casimir Loxsom and Brannon Kidder took first. The 4xMile team of Tyler Corkedale, Matt Fischer, Ricky West and Sam Masters took fourth. The sprint medley team of Matt Gilmore, Emunael Mpanduki, Brandon Bennett-Green and Ricky West came in third. The distance medley of Kidder, Bennett-Green, Loxsom and Creese came in first. Sean Riley came in sixth in the high jump. Darrell Hill took third in the shot put. Will Barr was the runner-up in the hammer throw. Michael Shuey came in fourth in the javelin. Loxsom was named "Most Outstanding Athlete" for the relay events. Bill DiFilippo got carpal tunnel from typing all of that.
  • Since we here at BSD aren't sexists, here's how the women did! The 4x400 team of Kiah Seymour, Mahagony Jones, LaKeidra Stewart and Dynasty McGee took fourth. As did the 4x1500 team of Marta Klebe, Caitlin Lane, Brooklyne Ridder and Sarah Jean Underwood. The spring medley team of Jones, Seymour, McGee and Colleen Shannon came in sixth. So did the distance medley team of Klebe, Marlene Ricketts, Underwood and Lane. Three ladies competed in the 3000m and four in the 5000m. Natalie Bower won the 3000m steeplechase. Evonne Britton took third in the 400m hurdles and sixth in the 100m hurdles. Melissa Kurzdorfer came in third in the hammer throw. Laura Loht won the javelin and Brittney Howell won the heptathalon. There were plenty of other individual women who took non-top six finishes in various events. You probably aren't reading anymore and I can't blame you.
  • The Week Ahead: Both teams are hosting the Jim Thorpe Open in the happiest of Happy Vallies. Luckily, it's on Friday, so all the senior track athletes that majored in communications can see that ESPN guy at graduation on Saturday.

Men's Volleyball

  • This week had good news and bad news for 14th ranked men's volleyball. The good news was they didn't drop a set en route to locking up their 15th straight EIVA championship. They defeated Princeton, 3-0 (25-20, 27-17, 25-23) in the conference semifinals and Harvard, 3-0 (25-16, 25-16, 25-16) in the finals. Aaron Russell had 31 kills and 20 digs in the two games, Taylor Hammond totaled 75 assists and Peter Russell went into full "put da team on my back" mode with 14 kills in the final.
  • The bad news? They lost in the NCAA Tournament semifinals to top seeded BYU, 3-0 (25-21, 25-16, 25-22). Aaron Russell was the only Nittany Lion with double digit kills (13), PSU had 17 errors and BYU celebrated by watching Donny Osmond's rendition of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat." (ok, I made part of that up)
  • The Week Ahead: Their season is over. The most upsetting part? Scott Kegerreis and his otherworldly lax bro flow is graduating. Well, he's a RS Junior who walked on senior day, so there may be hope. #FearTheFlow

Tennis

  • Neither team made the NCAA Tournament, so their seasons are over. If that makes you sad, here's an old episode of the greatest 90's Nickelodeon game show ever, Legends of the Hidden Temple.

Golf

  • Not the best weekend for the men's golf team, but hey, at least the women did well! The men came in 11th out of 12 teams at the Big Ten Championships in French Lick, Indiana. That, as you can probably guess, isn't good. The team shot +72 on the tournament, only Wisconsin shot worse at +80 (lol).
  • The women's team did much better, despite having only one All-Big Ten golfer, and she was a Third Teamer (#ONETEAM)! The ladies went +36 on the tournament, coming in fourth. Aforementioned All-Big Ten Third Teamer Katlyn Elliott shot a +4, good enough for third place on the tournament. Nice.
  • The Week Ahead: Men's golf is done. Women's golf is heading to NCAA Regionals. Boom. WAAAAAAAAR EAGLE.

Lax

  • Both teams teams had one pre-conference tournament game last week. The 9th ranked bros took down Hofstra, 16-7. Hofstra scored the first goal...and that's about all that they did well. Jack Forster continues to be a beast, netting five goals and an assist. TJ Sanders and Steve Aitken also scored thrice.
  • Also, while we're still on regular season stuff, the 8th ranked women lost their pre-tourney tune up against Princeton, 14-9. It was the first match in nearly a month where the ladies failed to score at least ten goals (we'll get to this in a second). Kelly Lechner led the way with three goals.
  • TOURNEY TIME! Both teams cruised in the first games of their conference tournaments: The bros won 10-7 against UMass. Outscoring UMass in the last period 4-1 probably had a lot to do with that. Shane Sturgis was the hero in this one, scoring four goals and an assist.
  • In their first round matchup, the women won a barnburner against Vandy, 16-14. Is that concerning, seeing as how Vandy was 2-15 this season? Kinda. But whatever. Lechner again led the way with five goals, but Molly Fernandez and Haley Ford each pitched in three of their own.
  • The Week Ahead: The men are in the conference championship against Towson, who they beat 10-8 earlier this season (the game will be at home, so if you're in town for graduation, go, it's on Friday at 3). As for the women, remember that time I said we'd get to that "first match in nearly a month without at least ten goals" thing? Well, that was against Northwestern, who beat them 11-3 on April 5. That's important, because their semifinal opponent is Northwestern. #Pray4PSU

Softball

  • Last week, I laid down an ultimatum, saying softball would receive merciless taunting if they were swept by Iowa. Well, despite knowing I had nothing to do with the outcome of these games because nobody listens to me, I'm taking full credit for them taking two of three from the Hawkeyes (Skip Bayless frequently uses this technique as a tactic to idiotically troll people).
  • The ladies won their first two games against Iowa, 6-3 and 6-5, before falling in the series finale, 5-0. Macy Jones pitched in all three games and received a decision in every game. She started games one and three, came in relief in game two, and racked up a line of 12.2 IP, 14 H, 7 R (7 ER), 2 BB, 6 k's. Also, Cassidy Bell didn't go yikkity, which kinda shocks me.
  • The Week Ahead: The ladies finish their regular season at home against #NEBRASKETSOFTBALL. I can't think of any good softball jokes right now, so listen to this song by Chance the Rapper, as he is going to blow up sooner rather than later.

Baseball

  • GO NICK.

It's always rough going up to Columbus,

Especially in a sport where we can't match their toughness,

In our best out of three,

A win was not to be,

But at this point, all I feel is numbness

  • (He's a regular Macklemore, isn't he?)
  • PSU was swept by Bucking Fuckeyes, losing 3-1, 10-8 and 8-3. However, since we're Penn State and they're Ohio State, I think we can all agree that Penn State won despite what the final score indicated, amirite?
  • The Week Ahead: A three game series against Minnesota and one game against Akron mid-week. Hey, you should all tweet at @r_michael_koons and let him know that he made a horrible mistake deciding to go to Minnesota over PSU. Tell him Bill DiFilippo sent you.

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