Success With Hyperlinking: Brass Monkey Style

Jeff Zelevansky

To honor the one year anniversary of MCA's death, it's time for a Beastie Boys rendition of SwH

FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT: I don't know who this Josh Flock fella is. I'm sure he's a stand up dude. But his recent proposition to get rid of the Blue-White game for a few years is something I will NOT stand for. Does he make a logical case, mostly centering around "hey let's not have anyone get hurt?" Of course he does. But this is the internet, AND WE DO NOT DO THINGS RATIONALLY (especially when it's an Olivia Wilde v. Olivia Munn debate).

THE NEW STYLE: PSU Hockey's conference schedule has been released. A brief internet search shows that three teams PSU plays (Minnesota, Wisconsin and Michigan) were all ranked at the end of last season. Oh, and their last home game is against Ohio State. I don't even like hockey and I'm getting excited.

GIRLS: Maggie Lucas and Candace Agee have been invited to Team USA basketball tryouts for the upcoming World University Games. Some very attractive person wrote about it for Onward State. You can find it here.

DON'T PLAY NO GAME THAT I CAN'T WIN: rugbyrowe requested someone mention this in last week's Pickin' Nits, and since I'm a man of my word from time to time, here it is -- Women's Rugby messed around and won a national title last week. It was their eighth title and their fourth in five years. Also, on the topic of national titles, a friendly reminder that Matt Barkley got drafted in the 4th round of the NFL draft because he wanted to return to school to win a national title.

POW: David Taylor is a modern day Rocky Balboa (the main differences are Taylor speaks fluid English and his biggest rival has never tweeted at me about Burger King before). Taylor has been selected to wrestle against Russia at the Rumble on the Rails at Grand Central Station. The last major wrestling event in the greater New York area featured Chris Jericho losing to a no-name guy with a kick-ass entrance song. So hopefully this goes a bit better.

PROFESSOR BOOTY: Are you or anyone you know an "outstanding professional journalist" who wouldn't mind living in Happy Valley for the next five years? Well, tell them they should look into being the new Knight Chair in Sports Journalism and Society for PSU's College of Communications! As someone who will be a member of this soon, my wish list is Scott Van Pelt first, Robin Roberts second, Wright Thompson third, Uncle Ron second to last, Rovell last and Skip Bayless somewhere in the deepest layer of hell.

HERE'S A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR YA: Joe Jurevicius is awesome and nobody will despite that fact. So let's catch up with him, shall we? JJ is currently opening up a series of laundromats in low-income areas of Cleveland. So not only is Jerevicius being an awesome guy, but he's also doing everything possible to get into the next Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video.

THE MELEE: Penn State is the best school in the country at partying and being sexy...PSU has rekindled its romance with Adidas...WOAAAAAAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOOOOOAAAAH WOOOOAAAAAAH...My buddy Devin wants me to shamelessly promote this for him...Your Curley/Schultz trial update can be found here...Student Bird Scientist, sounds cool, right?...#fail...When Zach Lowe writes NBA stuff, you should read it...Matt Kemp is awesome...Bacon helped this woman live to be 105...Shaq vs. Jose Canseco (with a cameo by the Iron Sheik) is the best f'ing thing ever.


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