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TMQB: Silas Redd, Snoop Dogg, and the Big Ten Coaches


As fellow BSDer psu87intn pointed out here (via PennLive, via John Bacon's upcoming book), USCw Head Ball Coach Lane Kiffin had Snoop Dogg waiting in a limo at LAX for Silas Redd. A nice little touch there, from Lane. But it got me thinking: which Big Ten coach would be the most likely to do something similar?

I didn't think about that one very long. The answer is Urban Meyer. There is no second place.

So, more interestingly, which Big Ten coach would be the least likely to have Snoop Dogg sitting in a limo at the airport, waiting for a recruit? Let's review the leading candidates, scientifically:


A. Kirk Ferentz, Iowa Hawkeyes

Probability that Coach Has Heard of Snoop Dogg: 2.4%

Ferentz is the resident dean of Big Ten coaches. He's old. Furthermore, he didn't re-enter college until 1999, well past Snoop's Gin 'N Juice prime. And Ferentz spent most of the 1990's on Bill Belichick's staffs - Belichick staffers barely known their wives have children, let alone keep up with pop culture.

Most Likely Replacement For Snoop Dogg: Kirk Ferentz scans his rolodex, and tabs Andy Williams, originally from Wall Lake, IA. Although now deceased, back in July 2012, Andy was still a vibrant 84 years old, and could possibly have cranked out one more verse of "Moon River".

B. Kevin Wilson, Indiana Hoosiers

Probability that Coach Has Heard of Snoop Dogg: 98.3%

Kevin Wilson is no idiot. Well - setting aside the fact that he took the Hoosiers football job - Kevin Wilson is no idiot. Kevin Wilson had plenty of time to keep up with pop culture trends, particularly on Bob Stoops' OU staff, because offense was never the issue.

Unfortunately for Kevin Wilson, I'm thinking he's a little too...intense...for someone like Snoop Dogg. Kevin Wilson is one angry dude. You'd be angry too, if your OU offense score 70 points per game, and the only head job you could land was Indiana.

Most Likely Replacement For Snoop Dogg: Henry Rollins. Hank has free time, and favors underdogs. Maybe Stoops helps pull a few strings.

C. Bo Pelini, Nebraska Cornhuskers

Probability that Coach Has Heard of Snoop Dogg: 72.4%

Bo has probably heard of Snoop Dogg, despite spending a fair portion of his adult life in the state of Nebraska. Bo's percentage takes a hit not for exposure, though, but for recognition and recall. Bo's recognition and recall can't be too great, given the disparity in his run defenses from "with Suh", versus "sans Suh".

Most Likely Replacement For Snoop Dogg: Gary Busey. What? How? Why? Gary. Mutha F**king. Busey.

D. Mark Dantonio, Michigan State Spartans

Probability that Coach Has Heard of Snoop Dogg: 86.9%

Oh, Dantonio knows Snoop. And he knows what a f**king Snoop can do to a f**king program. He has enough f**king trouble keeping his kids off of Twitter, for f***ks' sake. This is one more headache (heart attack?) that Dantonio does NOT f**king need. Keep your head down, play defense, shut the f**k up, and try to win 6-3. And f**k me, can you a**holes knock off some of the penalties?! F**k!

Most Likely Replacement For Snoop Dogg: N/A. Dantonio preemptively faxes Redd a picture of Levion Bell's body after Bell's 8th consecutive 100-touch game, with the title, "Stay Away", and subtitle, "We Don't Need Your Sh#t - You Don't Weigh Enough Anyhow".

E. Jerry Kill, Minnesota Golden Gophers

Probability that Coach Has Heard of Snoop Dogg:[redacted]

[redacted]

Most Likely Replacement For Snoop Dogg:[redacted]

I can't do it. Jerry Kill is the kid that you stuffed into the gym locker in high school. You beaned him in the face at dodgeball, sending him to the school nurse. You pulled his pants down from behind in the cafeteria, in front of girls, then gave him a wedgie, for good measure. Twenty years later, I truly feel bad about that Jerry, and have real regrets. I'm sorry. You're a good guy. I was an ass. I wish you well. You've worked hard. You've overcome obstacles. I admire you, and I hope you can forgive me.

(But, ah, we both know you're not pulling in Snoop.)

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