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Why we lost, how we can win...

I'm sure by now we've all reflected on the reasons Penn State lost to UCF. Why did I wash my lucky plaid pants this off season? Why did Full Derp not drink his game day 4loko? How did we forget all of the Pam and cooking oil, having to consume dry, charred omelettes? Why wasn't the old Amish guy selling whoopie pies at Red Rabbit Friday night? It seems like nothing about this game was right, and there will be lots of things to work on this week. However, there is one simple adjustment that can be made that will get PSU back on track...

A PSU linebacker must have a fake, Internet girlfriend pass away tragically. This will guarantee an undefeated season from here on out.

Ball's in your court, Vanderlinden.

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